9 "
i THE POOR WHIFFLETIT.
And the Low Down Trick by Which It
li Subdued.
BeatlnR himself nt n rcstnurnnt ta
ble, a Clilcngo tnan wild:
"Walter, what kind of Dsli have
your
"Oh," snld the wnitcr, "nil klnds
whltensli, bluoflsh, graylings, sen bnns,
weakllsb, perch"
Tslmwl" ynwncd the customer. "Gut
that out I'm tired of thoso common
fishes. Ain't you got bouio new kind
of fish somo kind I never nto before?"
"Well," snld the waiter, "tho whlf
flotlts Is very One this morning."
"What in thunder is n whllllctlt?"
"Why, doesn't n nsh nlinrp like you
know what n whlfllcttt is? Common
enough hero. You see, tho whllllctlt
lives only in circular lakes. You ko
out and find n circular lnl;o nnd hire
n boat. Then you row out nil alone
to tho middle of the Inke, about a mile
or no, nnd nnchor. Then you tnko nn
nugur nnd bore n holo In tho water
nnd ball It by putting n piece of cheese
on tho edge of tho hole. The whllllc
tlt comes up to get tho cheese, entx It,
nnd it makes him swell up so that ho
can't bnck down the holo."
"Well," Rnld tho customer, breath
less, "what then?"
"Why," replied tho waiter ns ho
filled n glass of water, "you lean over
tho nldo of the boat nnd lunch tho
whllllctlt to death. Want u fev7"
Clovelnnd Lender.
A LUCKY ESCAPE.
Thrilling Experience of a Cycllit on a
Swiss Mountain.
A Dr. Itnch wiih cycling down the
pass near (loxrhonen, In Switzerland,
when his brnkn mmpped nnd tho ma
chine darted forward at torrllle Hpeed.
At tho foot of tho mountain is n bridge
npniitiliig u deep river gorge. Tho phy
hIcIuii tried lo guide III Hying machine
on tho bridge, but tho front wheel
Btruck n Hide wall, and ho was Hung
over I ho parapet. While falling through
the nlr he caught n chain hanging from
n girder. Tho momentum of lili Imdy,
tuiddenly nrreated, nearly wrenched his
grip loose, but he was n strung man
nnd kept Ids hold. WIiIIj Hwluglng in
midair Mifpcnditl over the raging river
nnd tumble to Improve his perilous
position nn automobile ciinio chugging
down Hie pass. Tho hapless man
Hbntitod for help, but he could not be
seen from I he bridge, nnd his cries
were drowned by the noise of the mo
tor nnd the Mound of the river. A few
minutes nfler the automobile had pass
cd ii carriage drove neroi tho bridge.
Again he cried out for help, but In
rain. Tho awful Hi ruin on iirms and
lingers was becoming Intolerable, nnd
tho doctor was about to drop Into the
torrent lo nu Inevitable death when
two peasants eaine by nnd naw him.
They Hung n noose over him nnd pulled
him iiii. lie fainted and was III for n
long time. Htrnnd Mngnxlne.
Couldn't Remember HI Star.
Ah Illustrative of tho Ills of nbsiriic
Hon to which some men lire Mihjcct In
nu extraordinary degree, Hlr Henry
Irving wna fond of relating it Hlory of
Ids former manager, Charles Dillon.
Homo years nfler "Tho Hells" had
mado Irving famous ho chanced to
meet Dillon mid wns outspoken In tits
delight.
Dillon looked him over, Dually re
marking that ho had no recollection of
htm. Irving reminded him of tho tour
they hud mado together nnd mention
ed his name. Dillon thought for
awhile, noil, recognition tipHarlng to
dawn upon III ho extended bis hand.
"Irving? Oh, yes. I remember the
name," he declared reinlnlseently.
"And what tiro you doing now, lr-vlngV'-Chlcago
Itocord-llcnild.
A Poet'e Orcakfast.
Oeorgo Meredith nnd UohhcIII were
to take up house together, but It in
curred to the former to go nnd wo
what tho Iioiimi was like tint, lie ar
rived at noon. ItiMscttl was not up.
Hut on tho table was his breakfast
nix cggH on as many hi lees of luteou
Tho repast had Ix'cu walling some
time. The eggs were draining out their
llfchlood on the coagulating bacon,
ItoKM'ttl riimo In In n dressing gown,
otherwise Just iih ho had got out of
Intl. Ho nut down and "devoured the
plat llko nn ogre." Meredith tciit him
a check for the ipiarter's rent next day.
but ho mid tho poet never kept bouse
together,
An Incident of Travrl.
In Nuremberg, having invasion to
ask my way, I said In my liest Mels
tersehnft to u gentleman passing.
"Koennen sle mlr vlelleleht sageii wle
man unch das Deiitscheu museum
geht?"
Imagine my mortification when he
replied; "1 urn going that way, I will
hIiow you."
Wo walked on, and, learning that I
wan an American ami hud traveled In
Kngland, ho said:
"I urn professor of Ihigllsh here.
That Is why I speak KnglUh so well.
Hut I didn't been In Kngland already
onco yet." I.lpplncott'H,
Unlucky For Hli 8lde.
"So you cling to that childish super
stltloii about thlrteeu being unlucky,"
aid tho traveler.
"Yes," answered the other. "Can't
get away from It."
"Hut see how completely It Is dis
proved. This glorious country started
with thirteen colonies."
"Very true. Hut I am nn Kugllsh
man." Washington Star.
Innocent.
Mrs. Knleker- How did you know
your husbaud was working down In
tho otllce? Mrs. Youngbrldo I tele
phoned, mid ccutrul ald, "Husy,"
New York Bun.
Our Charges.
As is customary, we will charge
for curd of tlmuks, 50c; for resolu
tions of resjwet, $1.00; for notices
of church or lodge entertainments,
suppers, sociables, etc., where there
are charges for nd mission, 5c per
line, but where there are no charges
for these events, we will break the
rule nnd insert them free. We
make this announcement so that
our good friends may understand
our rule hi tills respect.
Premiums for
Wc wish to double our
splendid line of premiums which we will give to our subscribers and to club getters.
To every cash subscriber for one year at $1.50 wc will give a pair of 8-inch tension shears, full nicklc plated with
five year guarantee by the manufacturer. It is a great satisfaction to have a pair of shears that do not get loose. These
scissors are worth $1.25 anywhere. For $1.75 you gct.tltc
Premiums for Club Getters
To those who wish to get up clubs we will make the following of
fers: Ifor a club of five n Waterman Ideal Kouiitniii Pen valued nt $2.
Var a club of .six a Silver Sugar Shelliiud Mutter Knife, vulue $1.25.
For a club of eight two piece Carving Set, value -f 1.60, or a Fancy
Atat 111 Clock, value -f 1.75.
For club of ten a hundsoine .scale for kitchen use, value 52.00.
For club of twelve, Gold Jewel Case, two styles, value $2.50.
For club of twelve, a Gilt Clock,
subscription list within the
slot view showino
TCNSICH SfRINO
value 53.03.
livery
tea sjioons.
kind of
Here
Subscriptions
next thirty days. In order
paper ana unit a dozen stiver ten
. g- . m Hamilton silver co. m
'f"22JW feV Factory B Muncie.Ind. JH
For club of twenty, nn 8-dny Mission Clock, half hour strike, value if 6.00.
For club of twenty, nnd Klectric Mission Lamp, value $G.oo.
For club of fifty, a handsome set of 36 pieces of Rogers' Silver Table Cut
lery with case, value $ 12.00.
subscriber receives the pair of scissors, or by paying f 1.75 the set of
If club raisers prefer the cash to
an arrangement with them by calling
is a good opportunity to secure some
and look them over and get started. Any of them make fine Christmas gifts.
Old subscribers may secure a pair of shears by paying up arrearages and fifty
cents additional. Get n pair. The housewife would certainly appreciate them.
to do this wc lmve purchased a
spoons wim a giuirumw:.
11
the premiums we will make that
nt this office.
of these fine premium. Call in
.3
SEEDS
aimraaa-c ICCM SUCCEED I
SPECIAL OFFER:
Mla U Delia Hew .. AtrlalWilT
' titm ii iinaii
11 lb floe 1 Tm f pfcMld l O.W., MM Tf f
Write to-day t Mention thtt Piper.
mm mm mam. ejA. MSPLUVaV
L MIX all vy IM Bn wtuM M m
,11. 11 fthrMl DM iut vulnlM H fMAt. PlaflW. H. ,
NOTICE TO CREDITORS.
I.niilmi Kencnn lCstnto.
Notlco Is hereby given that, tho
iiiw1nmtiiiPit linn lieen nUllollltod the
ndmlnl8trntor of tho estate of Louise
Koognn, dcccnscd, by tho County
t.'nnrl nf tho Stnto Of Oregon for
Mottnomnb Count v nnd lino uunlltlcd
ns bucIi. All persons having claims
nan list sn d cstnto nro uerooy noti
fled to prosont tho sumo to 1110 nt
Al Oswego Btrcet, 81. Johns, Oregon,
with proper vouchers duly verified
within six months from tho (Into
liitrnnP.
Doted nnd first lubllshod Friday,
November 20, Jw08.
Itlchnrd II. Koognn.
Wm. A. Munly, Administrator.
Attorney. Gc,
Now is the time
to visit
When .summer hns
passed in these north
ern state.M, the sun is
only mild under the
blight blue skies of
Southern Culifomia.
This is one of na
ture's happy provis'
ions eternal summer
for those who cannot ,
endure u more severe
climate.
California hns been
called the "Mecca of
the winter tourist."
Us hotels nnd Mop
ping places are ns va
ried us those of all
well regulated cities.
Visitors can always
find suitable accom
modations, congenial
companions, nnd va
ried, pleasing recrea
tions. SOUTHERN PACIFIC CO,
. Will lie glnd to supply wiinc
1 very attnictUc literature, do
ncrililng In detail the many do
Unlit of whiter In California.
Very low round trip excursion
tlcUeUnreou mIc to California.
The rule from Portland to I.o
Angeles nnd return in &5.n,
. Limit six month, iillowlug
i stoivovir In cither direction.
Mtnliar excurkiou r.ncs lire in I
t-fTcct to all California points.
l'or full Information, stcvpiue
car rccrviitions and tickets, call
on, telegraph or write C. W.
SpriiiKcr, C. T. A., id nnd Wash
iugtou streets, l'ortlmid, or
Win. .Mf.Murray. Gen. Pass. ArI.
I'ortluud, Oregon
THE REV. IRL R. HICKS
Almanao and Magazine
Should bo In
every homo in
tho land. Ills
weather predle
tlonscanbohad only la hUown
publications.
Ko other publisher is permitted to
print Uictn In any form, cither with or
without crodlt Ills 1000 Almanna ex
cols nil former editions In boauty and
value, nnd soils for 35 cents, postpaid
His monthly ina'axlno, Word AND
Works, contains hU weather foro
easts for each month, together with a
vast amount of tho best family reading
anil costs SI. a year, ono almanao with
each subscription. Every earthquake
and serious storm for 20 years has
been predictod by IVof. Hicks. You
cannot afford to bo without theso pub
lications. Address all orders to
THE ST. JOHNS IlEVIKW.
Pointers for our Patrons.
The difference between poor
stock and first class stock on a job
is a small item when you consider
the value of the job. It. is the
price of a satisfied customer. It is
better to make 50 cents less on a
job and have a customer who will
come back, thau to use the flimsy
stock, make the extra 50 cents and
lose your customer. That is the
way we figure it.
Photographs
For Christmas
It will pay you to get our prices.
Groups and children's photos a spe
cialty. Outdoor views, copying
mid enlarging.
McDERMID & BELL
Holbrook Block.
GALFORNA
COLLIER & COLLIER
Lawyers.
Rooms In the Holbrook building.
St. Johns, Oregon.
Joseph AkChcsncy, M. D.
PHYSICIAN AND
SURGEON
Day and Nlzht Office in McChosncy Block
none wooauwn 43
ST. JOHNS, - - OREQON
Dr.
MARY MacLACHLAN
Physician and Surgeon.
Office in Holbrook's Illock.
Residence, 215 Hitycs street.
Phone Scott 6995.
OSCAR DeVAUL, M. D
Office hours, 11 to 11 a. m., t to 3 p. in.
Office l'lioue, Wooitlnwti 1141.
Krnldencc Wione, Union J901,
Office In Portsmouth llrlck.
J. R. WEIA1ER
Transfer and Storage
Wc deliver your poods to nnd from nil
parts of Portland, Vancouver, I.liinton,
Portland nnd Suburban Hxprcss Co.,
city dock nnd all ixilnts accessible by
wagon. Plnno and furniture moving
n socially. 109 I!. lliirlluKton; phone
Richmond 61.
A. B. HEMSTOCK
Funeral Director and Gmbslmcr
I.ndy Asslstnnt.
llrnnch office nt University l'nrk Drug
Store, phone Woodbuvn 1874,
Main office, Portland, Oregon; photic
Sellwood 71,
DANIEL O. WEBSTER,
A H.,A1. D.
Rcddcucc, 697 IMwso'it Street
Olfiee, l'llter block
t'nlverlly Park, Portland, Oregon
LAUREL LODQE
No. 186 I. O. O. F.
sr. joiins. oki'.oon
Meets each Monday evening in Odd
I'ellowii hall, lit 8:00. Visitor welcomed.
C. P. Ontc, N. O.
H. II. Holcomb, Secretary.
Holmes Loilgc No. 101
KNIIIIHS OP PVIIIIAS.
Meet everv i'ridav nli'llt
rrtnt jiyt o'clock nt I.O.O.I'.
iC 111111. viuor niways wci
.mi... i. ir. ntiii-ij. r.
It. II. Holcomb, K. U.S.
Doric Lodge No. 132
i:. and A. At.
Regular cominuiilcn.
tlonson lint nnd third
Wednesilayii of each
month in Odd Pillows'
In II, Vitltor welcome.
S. Chas. Divis, Joseph McChcsncy,
Six'rctnry. W. M.
CAAIP 773 W. O. V.
Meits every second nnd fourth Wednes
day evening in lllckuer't Hall.
Visiting member always welcome.
f. II. Anson, C. C.
W. It. Swelled, Clerk.
Central Market!
Holbrook Illock.
Sec us for the Choicest Cut of the llcst
Meat Obtainable.
Order I'lllcd and I'amlly Trade Solicited
T. P. WARD, Proprietor.
60 YEARS'
EXPERIENCE
TRADE MARKS
rlrinMl
Anron lending a skslcb anj dtterlntlon mtf
autcklf urarlaln our oelnlou fr w better wi
lurendon It probably rifnihla Cuirmanle.
lloneetrlcllTtoiiddeutlul. HANUCOO. onPslwU
nt f re, OldHI azeucr tut eecuriiiiMvtfanta.
I'atenta taken ibmuuli lluun A Co. rtcelr
tpuUl nUitt, without cbarne, lu ttia
SckNtHic Jf ttttrkati
A handiomelf llluetratad waaklr. laraaat ff.
relation ot uxi adantlSo Journal, Tertua. M a
Teariiourcwatba.il. BoM byili nawaUaalary.
NOTICE TO ADVERTISER.
In order to Insure a change of ad
vertisement the copy for such change
should reach this office not later than
Wednesday, at 3 o'clock p. m. Please
emember this and save the printer
Mail Schedule
Mall arrives at St. lohns at 7:10 a. 111.
and 1:15 p. in.
Leaves at 10:20 a. in., ana 4:45 p. n.
Office open week days from 6:45 a-
to 6:10 p.m. Sundays from 9 to 10 a. n
St. Johns Ferry Time Card.
Leave Hast Side (A. M.) 6io, 7:10,
7:50, 8:30, 9:10,9:50 10:30,11:10, 11:50. I'.
M 13:30, 1:10, 1:50, 3:30, 3:10, 3:50, 4:30,
5:106:00.
Leave west sine v, m.joiso, 7:30,
8:10, 8:50, 9:30, 10:10, 11:50. iP. SI.
ia:io, 13:50, 1:30, 3:io, 3:50, 3:30, 4:10,
4:50, 5:30, 6;jo. -