PAGE A2, KEIZERTIMES, JULY 3, 2020
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Let Disney+’s Artemis
Fowl fl y on by
KT on vacation
Submitted photo
Joanne Zaitz read a recent copy of the Keizertimes in beautiful Enterprise, Ore. You too
can have your photo in the Keizertimes. Simply take the paper to your destination, snap a
picture with you and your group holding it, and send the photo along with everyone’s fi rst
and last names to kt@keizertimes.com.
Submitted
Lara McDonnell, Josh Gad and Ferdia Shaw stand dumbfounded in Disney+’s Artemis Fowl. Our
reviewer says audiences may end up with similar looks after viewing.
By TJ Reid
For the Keizertimes
In 2001, Harry Potter and the
Sorcerer’s Stone launched a pro-
longed trend of movie studios
adapting novels written for kids
and the young adult crowd into
major motion pictures. For a
time it seemed as if every suc-
cessful book was destined to
get its own adaptation, for bet-
ter (Harry Potter, The Chron-
icles of Narnia) or for worse
(Eragon, Percy Jackson).
It was, there-
fore, always a bit
baffl ing to me
that Artemis Fowl,
my second favorite
childhood series
after Harry Potter,
never received such attention
when it was at the height of its
popularity. I remember dream
casting a hypothetical Artemis
Fowl fi lm with one of my bud-
dies in middle school, and now,
almost two decades later, one
has fi nally been set loose on the
world.
Going into this movie, I
tried to have an open mind.
The trailers made it look ter-
rible and highly unfaithful to
the source material, and the
fact that it was originally meant
for theatrical release only to be
turned into a Disney+ exclu-
sive at the last second did not
exactly fi ll me to the brim with
confi dence. Sadly, I now fi nd
that these initial wary thoughts
were blissfully naïve and under-
stated, as Artemis Fowl is a cine-
matic mess that is sure to please
absolutely no one.
As an adaptation, Artemis
Fowl is a train wreck. Awkward-
ly shoving the fi rst book and
about one third of the second
book into the same hour-and-
a-half while tying them togeth-
er with a brand new and poorly
explained MacGuffi n, the mov-
ie makes so many changes in
plot, character and tone that it
is almost unrecognizable to fans
of the original series. Artemis,
a criminal mastermind who
is also the primary villain of
the book, is here turned into
a Disney-esque Spy Kid good
guy who everyone insists is a
genius despite his never doing
anything particularly ingenious.
Commander Root is now
a woman (and
played by a very
uninterested Judi
Dench), Juliet is
now twelve, Holly
is now white, all
the characters are
now two-dimensional, up is
now down, right is now left, and
why this movie is called Artemis
Fowl, I have no idea.
All of this would be some-
what acceptable if it was a good
fi lm on its own, but it is not.
Flying from plot point to plot
point (sometimes literally), Ar-
review
temis Fowl takes absolutely no
time to make the audience un-
derstand or care what is going
on. There is something about a
long-lost weapon with the ca-
pability to wipe out all life or
something, a plan to capture a
fairy because of reasons, and a
sudden alliance between the
two at-odds protagonists be-
cause the (multiple) script writ-
ers said so. Artemis Fowl never
gave me a reason to invest in its
mess of a story, and by the cliff-
hanger at the end, all I could
muster was a massive, bemused
shake of the head. The only
good things I can say about this
movie is that Josh Gad (who
plays the dwarven thief Mulch
Diggums) vaguely amused me a
couple of times and that I didn’t
have to pay for it because I al-
ready subscribe to Disney+.
It fails for pre-existing fans,
it fails for newcomers… just
give Artemis Fowl a pass and go
watch Harry Potter again.
Artemis Fowl is now available
on Disney+.
No fi reworks on the
river this July 4th
The Fourth of July fi re-
works presentation at River-
front Park has been canceled
this year by the City of Salem.
Phase 2 guidance contin-
ues to require limits to out-
door gatherings to minimize
the potential spread of CO-
VID-19.
COVID-19 spread ticks up
another 20% in 97303
COVID-19 cases spiked
another 20 percent in the
97303 zip code that includes
all of Keizer and smaller por-
tions of Salem.
According to statistics re-
leased by the Oregon Health
Authority on June 24, the
number of positive CO-
VID-19 tests linked to the
97303 zip code rose to 143
from 110 the week prior. It’s
the second straight week of
20 percent increases in the
area.
To combat surging coro-
navirus numbers, Gov. Kate
Brown mandated face cover-
ing throughout the state in
all indoor public spaces. The
mandate began Wednesday,
July 1.
While Keizer does not
have an identifi ed outbreak of
coronavirus linked to a single
source, numerous large em-
ployers in neighboring areas
with employees who live in
Keizer could be affecting the
area.
WE
TAKE
PRIDE
in being staff ed better
than any other
senior living
community
City offi cials remind resi-
dents using parks this week-
end to maintain adequate
social distance, refrain from
smoking and keep pets on
leashes. All City parks close at
dark and the use of fi reworks
is prohibited anywhere on
park grounds.
Come See the Finest in Senior Living
CALL (503) 390 -1300
1165 McGee Ct NE • Keizer, OR • VillageAtKeizerRidge.com