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About The Willamina times. (Willamina, Yamhill County, Oregon) 1909-1972 | View Entire Issue (July 6, 1933)
Page 7 TIMES, WILLAMINA, OREGON Thursday, July 6, 1933 N o Escape Two clubmen were discussing theU wives. “I suppose I mustn’t grumble at OUR COMIC SECTION THE FEATHERHEADS mine,” said Martin. “She looks a f t « me very well." “In what way especially T’ asked his friend. “Well, for Instance," said Martin, “she takes off my boots In the eva» nlng.” 1 “What, when you come home front the club?” asked the other. “Oh, no; when I want to go there," came the reply. Can’t Blame It on the Tonic Descriptive A young wife, wishing to announce the birth of her Arst child to a friend in a distant city, telegraphed: “Isaiah 9: 6." Which passage be gins: “For unto us a child Is born, iinto us a son is given.” Her friend, unfamiliar with the Bcriptures, said to her husband: ‘Margaret evidently has a boy who weighs nine pounds and six ounces, but why on earth did they name him Isaiah?” B lo o m in g L ia r “You don’t say you got rid of that nice lodger of yours, Mrs. Brady?” “YesI I got suspicious of him. He told me he was a bachelor of arts, and I found out he had a wife and two children.” — Sheffield Weekly Telegraph. H a s H e r P ric e “I’ll give you thirty shillings for that pnp.” “Can’t be done, sir. That pup be- longs to my wife, an’ she’d sob ’er Wasted ’eart o u t But I tell yer what— “Here’s a dandy car with a rumble spring another ten bob an’ we’ll let •eat, too." said the enthusiastic sales ’er sob!”—Humorist Magazine. man. "Rumble seat ’d be no use to me,” WISE JACK growled the unenthuslastlc customer, “my wife Insists on doing all her back seat driving from the front seat."—Cincinnati Inquirer. L it t l e S u nshin e Stern Mistress (to maid)—You are discharged, Sarah, for allowing the master to kiss you. What sort of reference do yon expect from me after that? Pretty Maid—Well, you might at least say that I tried to please every one, madam. KEEN TASTE FIFTY-FIFTY TRUE TOUCH “Jack is a foxy individual. He pro posed to Miss Peaches by wireless." N o L u c k a ’T a ll “What was the great idea tn that?" Bobby—I lost a quarter this morn “It leaves the record up in the air ing. where It can’t be read In court in Nellie—Thats’ a pity, Bobby. How case he happens to change his mind.* did you lose it? Bobby—Aw. the man what dropped D e b a ta b le It heard It fall.—Philadelphia Eve Mnn at Desk—Why do you claim ning Bulletin. a trombone player is less of a bore than a pianist? Man In Chair—He Is because he She—Where did you put the rec doesn’t get the chance. He doesn't ords? And a trombone in every home he He—Records? I had work enough visits,—Brooklyn Dally Eagle. lugging this heavy gramophone along without bringing a box of records. M a y b e H e W as O . K . At a recent gathering, the nervoua QUESTION young secretary of a church social club was apparently confused by the presence of one or two people of title, and prefaced his opening re marks with “Ladles, Gentlemen, and others—’’ B o a tin g P a r ty Fresh Boarder—1 can tell that soup Is not much good. Landlady—Some little bird told you, I suppose. Fresh Boarder—Yeh. A swallow. “What’s that piece of cord tied around your Anger for?” “My wife put it there to remind me to post a letter.” “And did you post it?” “No, she forgot to give it to me.” Jack—I'm going to send i hat old girl of mine this birthday card; it de plcts her In her true colors. Fred—From what I’ve seen of her, you had better gel one of those hand painted ones. U p to th e P la y e r Binks was making a hopeless Arst attempt at golf, and to cover his em barrassment he remarked to the caddy, “Golf's a funny game. Isn’t it?” ’’Sometimes It is, sir,” retorted the boy, “but It isn't meant to be.” FORE! E x a c t C h an g e “I have known gents what gives ■ “Are you laughing at me?” de manded the professor sternly of his bit over,” observed the taxi driver. “Ay,” said McPherson, “thal's why class. “Oh, no sir,” came the reply from I asked ye to stop under a lamp.” the class president. “Then,” asked the professor, “what GOING THE LIMIT else is there in the room to laugh B tr JUST LOVELY N o t th e O n ly O n e “1 can’t understand why May broke the engagement.' “Perhaps she go; cold feet.” “That's no excuse. Jack offered to lay his burning heart at her feet when he proposed to her.” Husband—That paper has an item regarding a woman who was seriousiy injured while trying to get to a bar gain counter yesterday. Wife—Yes, what a splendid time the other women must have had. “I'd rather play golt than vat.” “What does your wife say to that?” “Oh. she doesn’t mind. She'd rath er play bridge than cook.” Sufficient Mabel—She has six reasons for leav ing him. in the Arst place, hts money was all gone— Edith—Never mind the other Ive. A M e a l T ic k e t The Lead—I heard that Howland Rant had started out on a starring tour. Is his wife engaged in his sup port? The Ingenue—She has been ever since the show broke up.—Washington Star. A n d P a r ro t Fi»h A r e G e y Housewife—1 don't like the looks ot that codhsh. Storekee[»er—Well. If you want looks, why don’t vou buy a goldAsh?” CUTTING CORNERS LIMITED Bug—Hear you’re going to give a dance. Hopper—Well, yes, a hop! He—i have been waiting to ask you a question for months. She—1 have been waiting to answer It for years.—Ill Travaso (Home). N o R aw M e e t Tom—Is your wife willing to econo mize these times? jack—Yes—she has cut all my little luxuries already. N o t Re«pon»ihle fo r B lu n d e rs Cable companies in Egypt cannot be held responsible for garbled message«. V it a l In fo rm a tio n “So you Joined the army so as to •see the world,’ as the posters say? What made you leave?” “They didn’t tell me that I would have to do It on foot.” She—Don’t you think that women should have the privilege of propos Reason f o r I t ing, ns well as men? “This egg is bad.” He—Certainly they should, and Landlady—Well, what do you ex they ought to have the privilege of pect when you come down so late buying theater tickets and cigars for to breakfast?—Everybody's Weekly. the men If they want to. D r u g Shop B u rg la r« N eed ed M o lt T h e n “I think that when a man marries First Burglar (to companion dur ing raid on chemist's shop)—I’ll take he should give up his club.” "Great Scott! That's Just the tlma the cash; you’d better take some he needs it most.” thing for that cold. r~—« m m m W R IG L E Y S E r— O n e B e tte r "You say Mr. Jones is a strict vege- tarla n ? “Yeah, he won’t even let bis kids eat animal crackers.” Clilupp—1 understand that Quiggle has a very good voice. Does he cul tivate it? Cutnjar—I don’t know whether he cultivates It but I do know that he Irrigates it sometimes. KEEPS Y O U R M B V t AST “I»o you mean to say that Bessie is secretive? Why, she tells everything she knows.” “Yes, but she doesn’t know much." IN E X P E N S IV E ▼ FRESH M-IM S A T IS F Y IN G ]
