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OMMP PATIENTS
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around 1 yr old,
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few basic commands
and is great with
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rides, walks well on
a leash, loves to hang out in the yard, (with access to inside),
and sleeps in his crate at night.He would do best as an only
dog OR with a very similar sized and aged k9 friend. JJ had a
pretty isolated and rough start to his life, so his go-to behavior
is barking at other animals, strange noises, and when he’s
left alone. He is working on potty training but does well with
free access to outside. Therefore, he needs someone that is
home most of the time, is able to take him with them, or has
securely fenced property he can explore. He would benefit from
extended training and an adopter experienced with Hounds. JJ
has a great nose, can follow a scent and find things, is great at
alerting to wildlife, and would be a great livestock watcher.
with qualifying medical conditions.
Must have recent Dr.’s records
CONTACT RONI
between 10am-6pm
Call 541-729-3913
Dr Holland provider
www.facebook.com/WigglyTailsDogRescue
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E U G E N E W E E K LY . C O M
BY DAN SAVAGE
Two weeks ago, a longtime reader challenged me to create a new sexual neologism.
(Quickly for the pedants: You’re right! It is redundant to describe a neologism as “new,” since
neologisms are by definition new: “ne·ol·o·gism noun a newly coined word or expression.”
You got me!)
“Neo-Neologisms, Please!” was too polite to point it out, but my two most famous and
widely used neologisms have been around so long—pegging (2001) and santorum (2003)—
that they’re practically paleogisms at this point. So I accepted NNP’s challenge and proposed
“with extra lobster.” My inspiration: on a visit to Iceland, I was delighted to discover that
“with extra lobster” was a menu item at food carts that served lobster. This delighted me
for two reasons. First, lobster is fucking delicious and getting extra lobster with your lobster
is fucking awesome. And second, “with extra lobster” sounded like it was a dirty euphemism
for something equally awesome. I offered up my own suggested definition—someone who
sticks their tongue out and licks your balls while they’re deep-throating your cock is giving
you a blowjob with extra lobster—and invited readers to send in their own. It was my readers,
after all, who came up with the winning definitions for pegging (“a woman fucking a man in
the ass with a strap-on dildo”) and santorum (“the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is
sometimes the byproduct of anal sex”).
What follows are the best reader-suggested definitions for “with extra lobster,” with oc-
casional commentary from yours truly…
I think I have a good candidate for your “with extra lobster” definition! It could be ap-
plied to a man who has an exceptionally large and dangling foreskin (“His penis comes
with extra lobster!”) or a woman whose labia protrudes (“I love pussy with extra lob-
ster!”).
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Consider
the (Extra)
Lobster
“With extra lobster” sounds to me like going down on someone—regardless of sex—
when it’s a little more odoriferous than you would like because they haven’t bathed in a
while. For example: “Things were getting hot and heavy with my Tinder date last night,
and then I started to go down and was surprised with extra lobster.”
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When I first started dating my wife, she kept her lady parts waxed clean, and they
looked a bit like a lobster claw, even being slightly red if the waxing was recent. We
nicknamed her vagina and surrounding area “The Lobster,” or “Lobby” for short. So I
would suggest that “with extra lobster” should mean anytime you get some extra lob-
ster in on the act—from normal lesbian sex (two lobsters!), to a standard-issue male
fantasy threesome (two lobsters and one cock), to a surprise second go-around after
you thought the sex was over.
The area surrounding the vagina already has a name: the vulva. While most people are
familiar with the labia majora and minora parts of the vulva, aka “the lips,” fewer know the
name for the area between the labia minora. The spot where the opening to the vaginal canal
can be found—also part of the vulva—is called the “vaginal vestibule.” According to my the-
saurus, lobby is a synonym for vestibule. So this proposed definition of “with extra lobster” is
pretty apt. Now, some will quibble with the lobby-ish implication that a vagina is a space that
needs to be entered. One can have a good time—great sex with lots of extra lobster—with-
out anyone being penetrated, i.e., without anyone entering the lobby.
“Extra lobster should be the name for those cock-extender things. Example: “My hus-
band has a small penis. And you know what? The sex is great! He gives great head, and
isn’t afraid to strap-on some extra lobster now and then.”
As a vegan, Dan, I strongly object to “with extra lobster.” It reinforces the speciest
notion that is it permissible to consume lobsters, sentient life forms that feel pain, and
associating a sex act with the violence of meat consumption further desensitizes us to
acts of sexual violence.
Fuck off.
When you see a gorgeous ultra-feminine creature far more gorgeously feminine than
my straight CIS ass will ever be. But under all the silks and stockings and satin panties…
there’s a wonderful and welcome surprise! That girl comes WITH EXTRA LOBSTER!
I’ve learned about fursuits from you, Dan, and so many other crazy things—like the
guy who wanted to be sexually ravished and then torn apart and eaten by zombies.
With that in mind, I think “with extra lobster” shouldn’t refer to a sex act. It should be
ENTIRELY literal: an act of bestiality performed not with one lobster, but with two or
more lobsters. (The zombie guy was what hooked me on “Savage Love.” I’m too shallow
for the actual problems and stuff. More freaks please!)
Too literal and too improbable—and euphemisms that describe things that have never
happened or only happen very, very rarely are unlikely to enter the lexicon.
I used to hook up with a cuckold couple with a particularly naughty fetish: I’d fuck the
woman, fill her up, and her man would eat it out of her. So, say you hooked up with a
woman, let’s call her “Melania,” and her husband, call him “Donald,” ate her pussy af-
ter you filled her with come. Donald is eating pussy with extra lobster!
Sounds more like pussy with extra chowder to me—and what you’ve described already
has a perfectly good (and widely-used) name: cream pie. And, please God, let’s leave Trump
out of this. There’s no need to associate something so vile and disgusting with eating another
man’s come out of your wife’s lobby.
“With extra lobster” should refer to any intimate pleasure where your expectations
are greatly exceeded! I’m a gay man in my sixties, and my husband and I have been
together for decade. I also have a friend with benefits. One night we were camping and
I blurted out, “I would like to cuddle with you.” What happened next was 12 courses—
at least—with extra lobster! We’ve managed to rekindle this energy every couple of
years over the past 25!
I believe your example of “with extra lobster” regarding an extra WOW factor during
something sexual is perfect and doesn’t need extra explanation. As the saying goes,
Dan, you pegged it!
I agree with the last two letter writers: “with extra lobster” shouldn’t refer to any spe-
cific sex act—and it should never involve actual lobsters and/or mental images of the current
president of the United States—but should, instead, be a general term meaning “expecta-
tions exceeded.” When someone really comes through for you, when they knock your socks
off, when they make you see stars—when they really WOW you—then you got boned or blown
or fucked or flogged or torn apart and eaten by zombies with extra lobster!
And with that sorted and settled, a bonus neologism to close the column…
This isn’t a definition for “with extra lobster,” but I wanted to share it. I live in Uganda
and many of the streets are lined with stalls that sell BBQ chicken. If you know to ask
for the special chicken, they’ll often sell you weed. Special Chicken has become my
favorite euphemism for weed!
On the Lovecast, the ethics of HIV disclosure: savagelovecast.com.
MAIL@SAVAGELOVE.NET • @FAKEDANSAVAGE • THE SAVAGE LOVECAST AT SAVAGELOVECAST.COM
F E B R U A R Y
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