Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About Eugene weekly. (Eugene, Oregon) 1993-current | View Entire Issue (May 10, 2018)
SAVAGE PEDESTRIAN AF BY DAN SAVAGE LOVE e that Shin rvic es What can you do when someone close to you drinks too much? Se AL-ANON/ALATEEN Hannah Clotere (24/7) 541-741-2841 www.alanonlaneor.us Real Estate Broker • 541-543-9345 HannahSellsHomes.com @EUGENEWEEKLY And for men, it’s as easy as 1, 2, Pee. STD Tests are generally quick, easy and painless. A lot of the time, all you have to do is pee in a cup. Protect yourself. Protect your partner. Seeking Weapons Of Male Penile Satisfaction 10 min from campus on Emx bus line Make your appointment today! ppsworegon.org | 541-344-9411 M E N ’ S H E A LT H M O N T H ADULT SHOP BRANDED 25% OFF SELECT 25% OFF First let me say thank you for the qualified compliment—you sure know how to flatter a girl— and I’ll try to keep my trademark excellent-if-pedestrian advice coming, HUNG. Also, you’re right, I’m not a urologist. But Dr. Keith Newman is. He’s also a fellow of the American College of Surgeons and my go-to guy for dick-related medical questions. “It is not likely that HUNG’s drainage system caused the problem,” said Dr. Newman. “His condi- tion sounds like Peyronie’s disease, a possibly autoimmune disease thought to be related to micro- trauma, though some penile fractures may result in similar deformity.” Men with Peyronie’s disease come down with, well, bent dicks. Sometimes the bend is slight and doesn’t interfere with reasonable penile functions. Sometimes the bend is severe enough to make erections painful and intercourse impossible. “Most sufferers will return to within 10 to 20 percent of their baseline curvature within two years without intervention,” said Dr. Newman. “Thus, it is considered best to defer therapy until such time has elapsed. Ninety degrees is quite a big bend, however, and less likely to resolve spontaneously, but its still worth waiting.” If your big bend doesn’t resolve spontaneously, HUNG, there are treatment options. “The only real therapies are Xiaflex injections and surgical repair,” said Dr. Newman. “The former is not approved for patients less than two years from diagnosis or with less than 35 degrees of cur- vature. The latter is fraught with increased complication rates due to scarring so near the tip. Both can straighten the penis, but at a cost of length in many cases. As for drainage alternatives while gliding, I suggest the following product: freedom.mensliberty.com.” I’m a 37-year-old male. I’ve been with my wife for 15 years. I know that passion transitions in a long-term relationship, but I’m having a hard time finishing lately. Yes, I’m on SSRIs—an- tidepressants—but that has only exacerbated the issue. We all know that a lot of people who own a vagina enjoy foreplay to help the orgasms along. Will foreplay help people who own a penis get to the moment faster? I’m pretty sure I know the answer, and I figured you’re the one to ask what the best foreplay options are because your sexual knowledge is vast and you reg- ularly deal with two penises at a time. As someone who pleasures a penis and who has a penis that is pleasured, what is the best preparation to get guys off before the insertion happens? GET YOURSELF TESTED MAN RINGS First let me say that I think you give excellent advice, even if it is a bit pedestrian at times. I have a small problem: Last fall, my penis bent up and to the left at an almost 90 degree angle. I know from Google that this is not an unusual problem. And at 59, I am thankful that things are working as well as they are. But I fly gliders, and the relief system is a “Texas catheter” with a drain line to outside the glider. I believe that the bending on my penis may be the result of trauma caused by removing the catheter. In your many years of dealing with penis problems—I know you are not a urologist, but still—have you run across problems of a similar nature? Is there a way to remove adhesive from the penis that will not cause trauma? Gliding season will be starting soon, and I dread using the same system if it will cause more damage. My partner is an amazing woman—70, by the way, and by far the best partner I have ever had (oh, my breth- ren, do not look only to youth!)—but I dread further damaging my member. Hanging Under Nice Glider BOGO PROSTATE 1/2 OFF TOYS WET FUN FLAVORS Adult Shop 290 River Rd | 86784 Franklin Blvd | 720 Garfield e-adultshop.com - 541.636.3203 CouchHosting.org Hi, my name is Sweet Potato, here to let you all know that Shelter Animal Resource Alliance (S.A.R.A) is holding their 11th Annual Mother’s Day Plant & Artisan Sale May 12th & 13th from 10am-5pm. This huge fundraiser is held at S.A.R.A.’s Treasures Gift, Thrift, & Cat Adoption Center located at 871 River Rd in Eugene. There will be a large variety of organic veggies & herbs, butterfly & bee attracting plants, yard art, succulents, gift plants, & more. S.A.R.A.’s specialty is the huge, unique assortment of mixed flower hanging baskets that the staff/volunteers plant for the fundraiser every year, which are allowed 2 months to mature in greenhouses, producing the biggest & fullest, one-of-a-kind hanging baskets; the “purrfect” gift for yourself or Mom! All proceeds from this fundraiser support S.A.R.A.’s life-saving mission to rescue, assist, & advocate for shelter animals!” 871 River Road • 607-8892 • Open Everyday 10-6 www.sarastreasures.org Features: * Tips on finding low cost rentals and free shelter options, when avail. *Leads on companies that will co- sign your next apartment lease with you for a fee. *Tips on skipping payments without penalties. For mortgages too. *Call or text 541-636-6269 for more info. **NEW** National Turnover League (.com) PO Box 10631, Eugene, OR 97440. Send SASE and min. $1 for 1 st week of football season's 4”x 6” full color sports eating game playing card. 26 versions in 2018-19. Extra donations help homeless+low income projects. Foreplay isn’t just for vagina-havers, SWOMPS! Penis-havers have nerve endings all over their bodies—inside ’em, too—and while many younger men don’t require much in the way of foreplay, older men and/or men taking SSRIs often benefit from additional forms of stimulation both prior to intercourse and during intercourse. Like tit play. I know some men can’t go there because that tit- play shit—like feelings, musicals, sit-ups, and voting for women—could turn you gay. But if you’re up for it, SWOMPS, have the wife play with or even clamp your tits, and then shove a plug in your ass that stimulates your prostate while also remembering to engage what’s often called “the largest sex organ”: your brainz. Talk dirty to each other! If you’re already proficient at JV dirty talk—telling ’em what you’re about to do (“I’m going to fuck the shit out of you”), telling ’em what you’re doing (“I’m fucking the shit out of you”), telling ’em what you did (“I fucked the shit out of you”)—move on to varsity dirty talk: Talk about your fantasies, awesome experiences you’ve had in the past, things you’d like to try or try again with your partner. To get your dick there—to push past those SSRIs—fire on all cylinders (tits, hole, brain, mouth, and cock) before and during insertion. I’m a 32-year-old English guy, and this morning I was diagnosed as HIV-positive. I’m in a bit of a state. I haven’t told anyone, and I needed to get it out. I’m in a long-term, mostly monoga- mous relationship, but my boyfriend is overseas for work at the moment, so I can’t really talk to him about it. So I’m talking to you. Diagnosed And Dazed And Confused I’m so sorry, DADAC. I hope you have a friend you can confide in, because you need a shoulder to cry on and I can’t provide that for you here. What I can provide is some perspective. I’m just a little older than you—okay, I’m a whole lot older than you. I came out in the summer of 1981—and two years later, healthy, young gay men started to sicken and die. During the 1980s and most of the 1990s, learning you were HIV-positive meant you had a year or two to live. Today, a person with HIV is expected to live a normal life span— so long as they have access to treatment and they’re taking their meds. And once you’re on meds, DADAC, your viral load will fall to undetectable levels and you won’t be able to pass HIV on to anyone else (undetectable = uninfectious). Arguably, your boyfriend and your other sex partners are safer now that you know than they were before you were diagnosed. Because it’s not HIV-positive men on meds who are infecting people, it’s men who aren’t on meds because they don’t know they’re HIV-positive. I don’t mean to minimize your distress, DADAC. The news you just received is distressing and life changing. But it’s not as distressing as it was three decades ago, and it doesn’t mean your life is over. I remember holding a boyfriend on the day he was diagnosed as HIV-positive more than 25 years ago, both of us weeping uncontrollably. His diagnosis meant he was going to die soon. Yours doesn’t. You have a lot of time left, and if you get into treatment and take your meds, DADAC, you will live a long and healthy life, a life filled with love, connection, and intimacy. Spend some time feeling sorry for yourself, feel the fuck out of those feelings, and then go live your life—live it for all the guys who didn’t get to celebrate their 33rd birthdays. P.S. Don’t wait until your boyfriend returns to tell him. He needs to get tested right away. On the Lovecast, Dr. Lori Brotto on asexuals: savagelovecast.com. MAIL@SAVAGELOVE.NET • @FAKEDANSAVAGE • THE SAVAGE LOVECAST AT SAVAGELOVECAST.COM eugeneweekly.com • May 10, 2018 39
