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About Eugene weekly. (Eugene, Oregon) 1993-current | View Entire Issue (Aug. 31, 2017)
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY BY R O B B R E Z S N Y ARIES (March 21-April 19): “We are continually faced by great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems,” said businessman Lee Iacocca. You are currently wrestling with an example of this phenomenon, Aries. The camouflage is well-rendered. To expose the opportunity hidden beneath the apparent dilemma, you may have to be more strategic and less straightforward than you usually are -- cagier and not as blunt. Can you manage that? I think so. Once you crack the riddle, taking advantage of the opportunity should be interesting. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Close your eyes and imagine this: You and a beloved ally get lost in an enchanted forest, discover a mysterious treasure and find your way back to civilization just before dark. Now visualize this: You give a dear companion a photo of your face taken on every one of your birthdays and the two of you spend hours talking about your evolution. Picture this: You and an exciting accomplice luxuriate in a sun-lit sanctuary surrounded by gourmet snacks as you listen to ecstatic music and bestow compliments on each other. These are examples of the kinds of experiments I invite you to try in the coming weeks. Dream up some more! Here’s a keynote to inspire you: sacred fun. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): On its album “Jefferson’s Tree of Liberty,” Jefferson Starship plays a song I co- wrote, “In a Crisis.” On its album “Deeper Space/Virgin Sky,” the band covers another tune I co-wrote, “Dark Ages.” Have I received a share of the record sales? Not a penny. Am I upset? Not at all. I’m glad the songs are being heard and enjoyed. I’m gratified that a world-famous, multi-platinum band chose to record them. I’m pleased my musical creations are appreciated. Now here’s my question for you, Gemini: Has some good thing of yours been “borrowed”? Have you wielded a benevolent influence that hasn’t been fully acknowledged? I suggest you consider adopting an approach like mine. It’s prime time to adjust your thinking about how your gifts and talents have been used, applied or translated. CANCER (June 21-July 22): Author Roger von Oech tells us that creativity often involves “the ability to take something out of one context and put it into another so that it takes on new meanings.” According to my analysis of the astrological omens, this strategy could and should be your specialty in the coming weeks. “The first per- son to look at an oyster and think food had this ability,” says von Oech. “So did the first person to look at sheep intestines and think guitar strings. And so did the first person to look at a perfume vaporizer and think gasoline carburetor.” Be on the lookout, Cancerian, for inventive substitutions and ingenious replacements. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): When famous socialite Nan Kempner was young, her mother took her shopping at Yves Saint Laurent’s salon. Nan got fixated on a certain white satin suit, but her mean old mother refused to buy it for her. “You’ve already spent too much of your monthly allowance,” mom said. But the resourceful girl came up with a successful gambit. She broke into sobs and continued to cry nonstop until the store’s clerks lowered the price to an amount she could afford. You know me, Leo: I don’t usually recommend resorting to such extreme measures to get what you want. But now is one time when I am giving you a go-ahead to do just that. I Saw You I T ’ S F R E E T O P L AC E A N I S AW YO U ! E M A I L : I S AW YO U @ E U G E N E W E E K LY.C O M I S AW YOU BE PRESENT Til the page turns and the chapter where we meet again rolls around. Science in Antiquity D Love is a four letter word, like Hold and Kiss. Without those, it’s Want and Miss U DONATIONS FOR WHITE BIRD Still being accepted at the EW Office. Hygiene products needed. Thank you to those who have given! NEW IN TOWN TO WHOEVER STOLE MY BIKE: I am so excited you’re here and can’t wait to have a ton more adventures with my bestie. You always said you wanted one of these, so here you go... That had sentimental value, you jerk! I can’t even begin to understand why you would have wanted it, it wasn’t valuable to anyone but me SAFEWAY ON 18TH YO -CPTN. S.M. I sometimes go into your store and it seems like every time I do, I you are my cashier. I’m super shy. I overheard you tell- ing my bagger the other day that you’re looking for a new job. I am so sad! I’m too embarrassed to ask for your # in front of others, let alone give you mine in public. For those of us who wish to believe like Peter Pan, remember that it does not mean we need a “Working Man” to support “the Fam”. Brattiness bent is not at all like our hero Clark Kent. Face the mirror into your own issues, seems as though you may need some tissues. Plasticity power is that which I flower without all the sour scours. SWEET PRINCESS Lets water the grass so we both can grow, I love you more than you’ll ever know. Whats new is shiny and always fades Our love is real and here to stay a photo sharing space VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The computer scientist Tim Berners-Lee invented the miraculous communication system that we know as the World Wide Web. When asked if he had any regrets about his pioneering work, he named just one. There was no need for him to have inserted the double slash -- “//” -- after the “http:” in web addresses. He’s sorry that Internet users have had to type those irrelevant extra characters so many billions of times. Let this serve as a teaching story for you, Virgo. As you create innovations in the coming weeks, be mindful of how you shape the basic features. The details you include in the beginning may endure. @yagerz_natureWe traveled about 30 miles north to catch the total eclipse. Well worth it! #eclipse #solareclipse #totaleclipse #oregon#darkbendphoto #bestoforegon #oregonnw#oregonexplored #youroregon #ewexposure LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The sadness you feel might be the most fertile sadness you have felt in a long time. At least potentially, it has tremendous motivating power. You could respond to it by mobilizing changes that would dramatically diminish the sadness you feel in the coming years and also make it less likely that sad- ness-provoking events will come your way. So I invite you to express gratitude for your current sadness. That’s the crucial first step if you want to harness it to work wonders. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “Don’t hoot with the owls at night if you want to crow with the rooster in the morn- ing,” advised Miss Georgia during the Miss Teen USA Pageant. Although that’s usually good counsel, it may not apply to you in the coming weeks. Why? Because your capacity for revelry will be at an all-time high, as will your ability to be energized rather than drained by your revelry. It seems you have a special temporary superpower that enables you both to have maximum fun and get a lot of work done. Use the hashtag SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): During this phase of your astrological cycle, it makes sense to express more leadership. If you’re already a pretty good guide or role model, you will have the power to boost your benevolent influence to an even higher level. For inspiration, listen to educator Peter Drucker: “Leadership is not magnetic personality. That can just as well be a glib tongue. It is not ‘making friends and influencing people.’ That is flattery. Leadership is lifting a person’s vision to higher sights, raising a person’s performance to a higher standard, building a personality beyond its normal limitations.” CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “One should always be a little improbable,” said Oscar Wilde. That’s advice I wouldn’t normally give a Capricorn. You thrive on being grounded and straightforward. But I’m making an excep- tion now. The astrological omens compel me. So what does it mean, exactly? How might you be “improbable”? Here are suggestions to get you started. 1. Be on the lookout for inspiring ways to surprise yourself. 2. Elude any warped expectations that people have of you. 3. Be willing to change your mind. Open yourself up to evidence that contradicts your theories and beliefs. 4. Use telepathy to contact Oscar Wilde in your dreams and ask him to help you stir up some benevolent mischief or compassionate trouble. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): A modern Israeli woman named Shoshana Hadad got into trouble because of an event that occurred long before she was born. In 580 B.C., one of her male ancestors married a divorced woman, which at that time was regarded as a sin. Religious authorities decreed that as punishment, none of his descen- dants could ever wed a member of the Cohen tribe. But Hadad did just that, which prompted rabbis to declare her union with Masoud Cohen illegal. I bring this tale to your attention as a way to illustrate the possibility that you, too, may soon have to deal with the consequences of past events. But now that I have forewarned you, I expect you will act wisely, not rashly. You will pass a tricky test and resolve the old matter for good. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Want to live to be 100? Then be as boring as possible. That’s the conclusion of longevity researchers, as reported by the Weekly World News. To ensure a maximum life span, you should do nothing that excites you. You should cultivate a neutral, blah personality and never travel far from home. JUST KIDDING! I lied. The Weekly World News is in fact a famous purveyor of fake news. The truth, according to my analysis of the astrological omens, is that you should be less boring in the next seven weeks than you have ever been in your life. To do so will be superb for your health, your wealth and your future. HOMEWORK: Send news of your favorite mystery -- an enigma that is both maddening and delightful. Freewil- lastrology.com . PULL Quotes: ‘Put pull quotes here using single quotation marks.’ — Person Quoted, title GO TO REALASTROLOGY.COM CHECK OUT EXPANDED WEEKLY AUDIO HOROSCOPES AND DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES. 26 #ewexposure for a chance to be featured in EW. If you want to stop drinking Alcoholics Anonymous can help EVI by phone 24 hours: 541-342-4113 www. eviaa.org | www.aa.org WIGGLY TAILS DOG RESCUE Helping abandoned and surrendered dogs fi nd their forever homes Scruffy is a 4 year old, 10lb terrier mix that is very mellow! He loves to spend his days relaxing on the couch, following you around, or sun bathing. He enjoys the company of all people, & gets along with other dogs both big & small. Scruffy is potty-trained & crate-trained in his current foster home & is over all very well mannered. He is trust worthy to sleep on the couch at night and doesn’t get into trouble if you’re gone during the day. If you’re interested in learning more about scruffy please send us a private message. Every BODY deserves expert, confi dential care. Birth Control • Vasectomies STD Testing & Treatment Emergency Contraceptives MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TODAY ppsworegon.org 800-230-PLAN www.facebook.com/WigglyTailsDogRescue A ugust 31, 2017 • eugeneweekly.com Accepting most insurances! MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TODAY ppsworegon.org 800-230-PLAN WE expe confi care. • P t • B • S t • E c • A e
