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biteybug, 20, g
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Like constant touch. Want the warmth of
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My friends would say i am easy going,fun-
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the least. onelove13, 45, g
JUSTFORFUN!
29 year old gemini, seeks fun. Very out
going, very social, and loves to have a good
time. Good senese of humor, tye one on
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FOR ME?
Good looking, healthy and clean. I love thick
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MEN SEEK ING WOMEN
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SEEKING NEW EXPERIENCES
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looking for a nice attractive, slender young
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Experienced couple looking for a special
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Celibate for the longest time.I like it rough.I
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If one is wearing a butt plug (“wear: to carry or to have on the body or about the person as a covering,
ornament, or the like”), GASSYASS, then one may pass gas, silently or noisily, as one is wont to do,
because a butt plug worn as a hat or a brooch or an epaulet — that is, a butt plug worn on the body
— presents no impediment. But if one has fully inserted the bulbous end of the butt plug into one’s
rectal cavity, and one’s sphincter muscles are gripping the neck of the butt plug, as they are wont to
do, thereby ensuring that the bulbous end remains lodged in the rectal cavity while the fl ared base
remains outside of the rectal cavity (one could, if one wished to be pedantic, argue that one wears
the fl ared base of the butt plug against one’s anus), what would then happen if one attempted to pass
gas? The force of the gas would either dislodge one’s butt plug, sending it fl ying across one’s room, or,
if one’s butt plug failed to dislodge and take fl ight, cause one to simply explode.
I had a conversation with a friend who is an emergency-room physician. He told me about remov-
ing something — I can’t remember what — from a gentleman’s ass. My immediate response was
to ask whether he had the fl ared-base talk with the gentleman after the fact. His response? “What
are you talking about?” I explained that if the gentleman had used a butt toy with a fl ared base, he
wouldn’t have been in the circumstances that brought him to the hospital. He had never thought
of that and thanked me for the advice. My partner is a physician and has treated patients with anal
“encumbrances.” He gives the fl ared-base advice to anyone who seems like they might benefi t
from it — but he tells me this isn’t something they go over in med school. This shocks me because
it seems like a topic where a little education could do a lot of good. You should use your column to
bring this to the attention of medical school administrators.
Conscience Cleared
I am sharing your letter, CC, in the hopes that doctors all over the world read it and promptly incorpo-
rate your “fl ared-base” advice into their practice. If they don’t, well, then we will just have to conclude
that fl ared-base advice isn’t given to patients by doctors — ER or otherwise — because doctors se-
cretly enjoy digging various foreign objects out of the variable rectums of various gentlemen.
I’m a 19-year-old bisexual male. I’ve been in a two-year relationship with a girl who has a low sex
drive, so we are in an open relationship and I occasionally have sex with guys. I really liked the last
guy I got with and enjoyed having sex with him a lot. The problem was, I couldn’t get hard. Is the
problem that I’m still trying to fi gure out who I am and what I want? Am I not as attracted to guys as
I thought I was? Or could it be guilt, even though my girlfriend is okay with it?
Bisexually Oriented Nervously Experiencing Reversal
You say you “occasionally have sex with guys,” BONER, which means this guy isn’t your fi rst. He’s
just the fi rst guy — perhaps the fi rst person — that you couldn’t get hard with. Let me guess: This has
never happened to you before. Of course it hasn’t — you’re 19. But it happens to every guy sooner or
later, and you’re much likelier to seek an explanation or attach some deeper meaning to it the fi rst
time it happens. (Maybe I’m not bi! Maybe it was guilt!) Don’t waste your time, BONER. Sometimes a
soft dick is just a soft dick. If it keeps happening, well, then you may have a problem. But if you go on
obsessing about an isolated incident — perhaps brought on by nerves (you liked this guy, right?) —
you run the risk of creating a problem.
I was on a layover in San Francisco. My attractive, bearish, platonic, straight male coworker would
like to know if it is weird that a guy complimented his shoes while at the urinal in the SFO bathroom.
Rhymes With Larry Craig?
Yes.
As I was reading the letters in the last Savage Love, it occurred to me that the debate over poly-
amory as a “sexual orientation” is primarily one of defi nitions. Some folks who are poly see that as
just as “core” to their nature as their gender preference. Therefore, I propose the following frame-
work. We all have a sexual identity composed of four components:
1. Our gender identity ranging from cis to trans.
2. Our sexual orientation ranging from homo to hetero.
3. Our sexual exclusivity ranging from purely monogamous to purely polyamorous.
4. Our sexual interest ranging from asexual to highly sexual.
In my view, these four components are equal in that they are all things that we are rather than
things that we choose. While it is possible to choose a lifestyle that deviates from one’s sexual
identity, in all cases doing so entails stress, cognitive dissonance, and some degree of self-loath-
ing. Like all conceptual frameworks, this one is not necessarily complete. It fails to include sexual
interest in animals, particular age groups, or any of several hundred kinks, all of which are traits
that seem to be more identity than choice. That said, I do think there is something unique and uni-
versally applicable in the four-component scheme, and I think that we should as a society set a
goal of acceptance and nondiscrimination surrounding all aspects of sexual identity.
Just My Thoughts
I like your model, JMT, but it has to be said: At a certain point, endless Tumblr-enabled debates about
sexual identity, gender identity, sexual orientation, and sexual interests take on the fl avor of those
how-many-angels-can-dance-on-the-head-of-a-pin debates that obsessed theologians in the Middle
Ages.
For the record: Each of us is free — and remains free — to identify however we wish and to apply the
labels “identity” and/or “orientation” however we please. If a particular person isn’t trying to take any-
thing away from you, then the fact that the person holds slightly differing views on identity or orienta-
tion, or the meanings of those words, or just how many angels can dance on the head of a pin, well, it
really isn’t an enormous fucking deal, is it? And, in my opinion, those who spend their time debating,
classifying, and unpacking sex and identity run a very real risk of disappearing up their own ass in a
puff of santorum. Which is my way of saying ...
No, I won’t be giving a column over to angry letters from buttsore people who feel that D/s is their
sexual orientation, despite being told that I must because last week I suggested that, from my point
of view, D/s is a sexual identity, not an orientation, and I gave a column to angry poly folks so it’s only
fair and blah blah blah.
FIND THE SAVAGE LOVECAST ʬMY WEEKLY PODCASTʭ EVERY TUESDAY AT THESTRANGER.COM/SAVAGE
eugeneweekly.com • December 13, 2012
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