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About Eugene weekly. (Eugene, Oregon) 1993-current | View Entire Issue (Sept. 27, 2012)
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY BY R O B B R E ZN Y ARIES (March 21-April 19): Here’s the curious message I derived from the current astrological confi gurations: It’s one of those rare times when a wall may actually help bring people together. How? Why? The omens don’t reveal that specifi c information. They only tell me that what seems like a barrier might end up serving as a con- nector. An infl uence that in other situations would tend to cause separation will in this case be likely to promote unity. Capitalize on this anomaly, Aries! wink Eugene Weekly’s local dating site WINK-KINK.COM TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In my fi rst dream last night, I gave you a holy book that you left out in the rain. In my second dream, I cooked you some chicken soup that you didn’t eat. My third dream was equally disturb- ing. I assigned you some homework that would have helped you discover important clues about tending to your emotional health. Alas, you didn’t do the homework. In the morning, I woke up from my dreams feeling exasperated and worried. But later I began to theorize that maybe they weren’t prophecies, but rather helpful warnings. Now that you’ve heard them, I’m hoping you will become alert to the gifts you’ve been ignoring and take advantage of the healing opportunities you’ve been neglecting. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): There’s a good chance that your rhythm in the coming days will resemble a gentle, continuous orgasm. It won’t be stupendously ecstatic, mind you. I’m not predicting massive eruptions of honeyed bliss that keep blowing your mind. Rather, the experience will be more like a persistent fl ow of warm contentment. You’ll be constantly tuning in to a secret sweetness that thrills you subliminally. Again and again you will slip into a delicious feeling that everything is unfolding exactly as it should be. Warning! There are two factors that could possibly undermine this blessing: 1. if you scare it away with blasts of cynicism; 2. if you get greedy and try to force it to become bigger and stronger. So please don’t do those things! CANCER (June 21-July 22): Philosopher Jonathan Zap (zaporacle.com) provides the seed for this week’s meditation: “Conscious refl ection on the past can deepen the soul and provide revelations of great value for the present and future. On the other hand, returning to the past obsessively out of emotional addiction can be a massive draining of vitality needed for full engagement with the present.” So which will it be, Cancerian? One way or another, you are likely to be pulled back toward the old days and the old ways. I’ll prefer it if you re-examine your history and extract useful lessons from the past instead of wallowing in dark nostalgia and getting lost in fruitless longing. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Picture a TV satellite dish on the roof of a peasant’s shack in rural Honduras. Imagine a gripping rendition of Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata played on the mandolin. Visualize the Dalai Lama quoting Chris Rock a bit out of context but with humorous and dramatic effect. Got all that? Next, imagine that these three scenes are metaphors for your metaphysical assignment in the coming week. Need another hint? OK. Think about how you can make sure that nothing gets lost in the dicey translations you’ll be responsible for making. WOMEN SEEK ING MEN PRETTY, CURVY, FABULOUS FLUFFY FRIENDLY FOLF I am amazing, driven, pretty, curvy & fabu- lous. Also,recently unattached,with a posi- tive attitude. Seeking casual dating that can fit in with a busy schedule. QueenoftheParade, 39 Shy, chubby, silly guy (22) who loves cof- fee seeking a similar guy, maybe thinner who likes the outdoors but also enjoys a night in. Tamwyn, 22, g VIVACIOUS GOOFY REDHEAD I S AW Y O U Seeking friend and lover who is confident and secure in themselves not needing con- stant affirmation of my affection, should also have identity outside of ‘US’ & enjoys their own space. Gypsy68, 44, g MEN SEEK ING WOMEN LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The German poet and philosopher Friedrich von Schiller liked to have rotting apples in his desk drawer as he worked; the scent inspired him. Agatha Christie testifi ed that many of her best ideas came to her while she was washing dishes. As for Beethoven, he sometimes stimulated his creativity by pour- ing cold water over his head. What about you, Libra? Are there odd inclinations and idiosyncratic behaviors that in the past have roused your original thinking? I encourage you to try them all this week, and then see if you can dream up at least two new ones. You have offi cially entered the brainstorming season. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): It’s expensive for the U.S. to hold prisoners at its Guantanamo Bay detention camp in Cuba: $800,000 per year for each detainee. That’s 30 times more than it costs to incarcerate a convict on the American mainland. According to the Miami Herald, Guantanamo is the most expensive prison on the planet. How much do you spend on locking stuff up, Scorpio? What does it cost, not just fi nancially but emotionally and spiritually, for you to keep your secrets hidden and your fears tamped down and your unruly passions bottled up and your naughty urges suppressed? The coming weeks would be a good time to make sure the price you pay for all that is reasonable — not even close to being like Guantanamo. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): What time is it, boys and girls? It’s Floods of Fantastic Gratitude Week: a perfect opportunity to express your passionate appreciation for everything you’ve been given. So get out there and tell people how much you’ve benefi ted from what they’ve done for you. For best results, be playful and have fun as you express your thanks. By the way, there’ll be a fringe benefi t to this outpouring: By celebrating the blessings you already enjoy, you will generate future blessings. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Telling the whole deep truth and nothing but the whole deep truth isn’t neces- sarily a recipe for being popular. It may on occasion provoke chaos and be disruptive. In an institutional setting, displays of candor may even diminish your clout and undermine your ambitions. But now take everything I just said and disregard it for a while. This is one of those rare times when being profoundly authentic will work to your supreme advantage. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “Show me the money” is a meme that fi rst appeared in the 1996 movie Jerry Maguire. It has been uttered approximately a hundred trillion times since then. Have you ever said it in earnest? If so, you were probably demanding to get what you had been promised. You were telling people you wanted to see tangible proof that they valued your efforts. In light of your current astrological omens, I propose that you use a variation on this theme. What you need right now is less materialistic and more marvelous. Try making this your mantra: “Show me the magic.” PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): My acquaintance Jacob fell for a woman who also professed her ardor for him. But in the midst of their courtship, as the mystery was still ripening, she suddenly left the country. “I’ve got to go to Indonesia,” she texted him one night, and she was gone the next day. Jacob was confused, forlorn, dazed. He barely ate for days. On the sixth day, a FedEx package arrived from her. It contained a green silk scarf and a note: “I wore this as I walked to the top of the volcano and said a fi ve-hour prayer to elevate our love.” Jacob wasn’t sure how to interpret it, although it seemed to be a good omen. What happened next? I haven’t heard yet. I predict that you will soon receive a sign that has resemblances to this one. Don’t jump to conclusions about what it means, but assume the best. HOMEWORK: Make up a secret identity for yourself, complete with a new name and astrological sign. Tell all at Freewillastrology.com. GO TO REALASTROLOGY.COM TO CHECK OUT ROB BREZSNY’S EXPANDED WEEKLY AUDIO HOROSCOPES AND DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES. THE AUDIO HOROSCOPES ARE ALSO AVAILABLE BY PHONE AT 18778734888 [] 19009507700 42 September 27, 2012 • eugeneweekly.com 50ish going on 19, handsome fit honest outdoors/music lover needs true friends to share the Bliss Of Life with. Age not an issue. Pic+more for pic+intro. love2love, 50, g SOCIALLY AWKWARD PENGUIN I’m a loner, looking for more friends and a special someone. I like reading,, yoga, bik- ing, working out, and gaming. I’m a good listener, but a semi-awkward conversation- alist. Full-time student. FitNerd420, 20, g ESOTERIC ECLECTIC PHILOSOPHICAL Intelligent, handsome, fit, compassionate, accomplished, left, green, ambisexual, undefined, dedicated, eternally young. Seeking intelligent, strong, sexually liberat- ed leftist woman. Easy to make friends with. Not interested in normal “dating.” steelhead, 36, g Supporting Local Art for the Past Four Decades oh boy did we meet.Saw ya @ the Bulb Ranch,thought you were neat.I am the queen of the parade.You know who you are and how to find me.Hope you will:) When: Saturday, September 15, 2012. Where: Bulb Turn On. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902619 ABBOTT DEAREST PETER... such an unfair cruelty... you swept into my life, stole my heart and then disappeared... yours, W When: Thursday, September 20, 2012. Where: outside my window. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902624 COMPLEX BOY GET MORE LIFE! VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Here are some ways to get more respect: 1. Do your best in every single thing you do — whether it’s communicating precisely or upholding the highest possible standards at your job or taking excellent care of yourself. 2. Maintain impeccable levels of integrity in everything you do — whether it’s being scrupulously honest or thoroughly fair-minded or fi ercely kind. 3. On the other hand, don’t try so compulsively hard to do your best and cultivate integrity that you get self-conscious and obstruct the fl ow of your natural intelligence. 4. Make it your goal that no later than four years from now you will be doing what you love to do at least 51 percent of the time. 5. Give other people as much respect as you sincerely believe they deserve. 6. Give yourself more respect. KEN MEN SEEK ING MEN I’ve seen you a few times leaving apart- ment 5 in the night. keep coming back, you Sexy Beast!!! Heart You!!! When: Sunday, September 23, 2012. Where: In my heart. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902623 Yep. Intimidating...that’s you! And a person- al ad isn’t me. You don’t see me as shy, but I am extremely so. You KNOW who. Take my hand...lead me out..take a chance. When: Thursday, September 13, 2012. Where: Overtime. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902618 MISPLACED RAMBLINGS 9/18: left tattered notebook on the counter at the post office. Notes on brewing tech- nology upfront, fragments and first drafts scattered throughout. Please return it to me. Things need finishing. When: Tuesday, September 18, 2012. Where: 5th St Post Office. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902617 RADICAL RATTAIL RCRUMB AMAZIN AMAZON You: sexy rattail, black glasses, bullet belt, denim vest with Judas Priest back patch... You made my day... Thanks. When: Saturday, September 22, 2012. Where: eugene. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902622 gorgeous, ginormous, glorious girl!!!! com- pleat with jean shorts,long sandy hair, and on bicycle. YUMMM noticed you here on the new frontier and wonder if a piggyback ride is in store? When: Saturday, September 15, 2012. Where: felony flats. You: Woman. Me: Man. #902616 NATHAN SELCO PENDLETON Both have lil dogs on phones.Heard you work at Selco.I was riding my bike.You drove a mercedes.Thought we had a good time gettin down! Sorry if i gave you wrong# When: Friday, September 14, 2012. Where: 6th st bar and grill. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902621 DURRDAY! “Cause I’m boss-bad-ass-cowgirl-mother- fucker and I ain’t gonna take your shit” You are a fantastic woman, and you are worthy. I Love You. Life,Love and Happiness ON THE TRRAAIILLL! When: Saturday, August 25, 2012. Where: Diggin’ Deep. You: Woman. Me: Man. #902615 541-345-1853 Mon-Sat 10am-8pm Sun 12pm-6pm HUNKY DORY PIPE & TOBACCO Naked + Unpredictable After 10pm? www.ctv29.org
