GET SAUCED
Hot Mama’s Kamikaze Challenge scalds Eugene
BY DANTE ZUÑIGA-WEST
S
2
b wine bar
If you can survive that, you win a T-shirt and bragging rights. Many have tried, and many
ince the dawn of time, food has led humans to pursue the extreme. The first
have failed; Hitz excelled.
person to look at a wooly mammoth and suggest attacking it with sticks and
He was prepared, mentally and physically. The kamikaze sauce was so hot it burned
sharp stones in the interest of cuisine was most likely a prehistoric radical.
the nostrils when inhaled at close range, but Hitz had no fear. Surrounded by cheering
Likewise, whoever thought up the idea of peeling and then deep-frying bull
supporters, he tore into the wings as the stopwatch snapped on.
testicles was probably a bit out there. Maybe not, who knows?
Hitz’s approach was one of ravenous determi-
And who cares? Fringe decisions plus food is
nation, devouring wing after wing with aggres-
far safer than poor choices plus alcohol — argu-
sion and poise. Any chicken in the room would
ably as entertaining — and spicy foods provide
have been utterly terrified.
the perfect platform to go all out.
For those brief and heroic moments, Hitz
The Hot Mama’s Wings Kamikaze Challenge
transcended himself. He was Jordan dunking,
isn’t a good idea for the average experimental
Tyson in his prime, Prefontaine racing down the
hot-sauce amateur. It’s not a good decision for
Hayward Field track — smashing record books.
people who fear commitment. For this sort of
Hitz didn’t need six minutes. He finished the
thing, you need to be an extreme-spice enthusi-
nine wings in two minutes and 48 seconds. The
ast. You need to temporarily disregard your
room fell silent.
stomach. You have to go upstairs in your mind or
What happened next was a show of strength.
visit Mr. Pain’s neighborhood, on the toilet, pos-
It was with sheer grit that Hitz survived the
sibly in the fetal position. This is about spicy
subsequent six minutes. With kefir yoghurt drink
food, but it’s also about volition.
at the ready, he stared off into the carpet,
EW intern Andrew Hitz is a man of action. A
attempting to go to a happy place inside. The
Eugenean by way of Alaska, Hitz is accustomed
vinegar, salt, tomato paste, butter, onion, garlic,
to extreme temperatures and a living environ-
habanero peppers, chicken and cayenne pepper
ment where local wildlife will crash through
that is mixed with a special extra-spicy ingredient
your front yard to eat your pets. He is also (by
(that Hot Mama’s Wings refuses to disclose)
choice) vigilantly omnivorous, unafraid of
swirled and congealed within Hitz. He was
plunging into the foulest waste receptacles the
sauced, and the fiery sensation within him was
city of Eugene has to offer in search of his next
threatening to take over.
meal.
Aside from breathing deeply and cursing the
Hitz will eat things that you will not. Where
editor who’d facilitated this endeavor, Hitz
some see poison, he sees providence. What you
burned in silence. Six minutes later the stop-
call derelict, he calls dinner.
watch snapped off. Hitz drank his kefir to the
One can only imagine the type of resilience
sound of applause.
Hitz’s digestive system has achieved. It is no
It took roughly two and a half hours for Hitz’s
small wonder he rose to the occasion.
internal
homeostasis
to
reconstitute.
No one knows what originally inspired the
Approximately five hours later he phoned his edi-
folks at Hot Mama’s to challenge the community
tor from somewhere on 13th Avenue and demand-
in such piquant fashion. There are rumors that
ed transportation via car, after growling that he’d
Portland’s cult-esque hot wings joint Fire on the
discovered it difficult to bike back home, given
Mountain inspired Hot Mama’s owner Michael
PHOTO BY TRASK BEDORTHA
the state of indigestion he’d found himself in. His
Marzano to take things one step further.
battle with spices of the highest order had concluded, but the standard he set continues on.
Fire on the Mountain’s event, known as the El Jefe Challenge!, requires a contestant to
So how hot do you want it, Eugene? Do you think you have what it takes to step up to the plate?
eat 15 wings in five minutes. The brave soul is not permitted to use ranch or bleu cheese
Everyone has his own personal threshold for spice, ranging from mild to volcanic. Should
dip, can use only one napkin and must sign a waiver before going through with the ordeal.
you need to find a testing ground for that threshold, it appears the table has been set.
The Kamikaze Challenge at Hot Mama’s Wings doesn’t require a contestant to eat 15
“Some people quit after one wing,” Marzano says of the challenge. “Some people freak
wings, only nine. But these wings — slathered in Hot Mama’s signature kamikaze sauce
out. Some people come in, eat all of them and don’t have any problems with it.”
— must be eaten in six minutes, there can be nothing to aide in the passing of said wings,
“It’s all based on the person and how hot they like things.”
and after achieving consumption within the allotted time frame of six minutes, the contes-
Good luck. ■
tant is not permitted to imbibe any form of liquid for another six minutes.
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CHOW! Winter 2012 5