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About Eugene weekly. (Eugene, Oregon) 1993-current | View Entire Issue (May 12, 2011)
WINK BORED IN OREGON:] ‘Ello:] I moved here from Utah and can’t find a place to really chill. I’d like to meet some new friends and possibly find a rela- tionship:}. rainbowladybug, 18, g , #106227 SWEET, INTELLIGENT, BEAU- TY-LOVER Responsible, fun-loving lover wanted. Communicative, educat- ed, thoughtful. Have aspirations? Say mmmmm aloud for good food? Me too. Let’s be romantic without promising forever. Rough’n’tumble is nice some- times, gentle tenderness first. bright_july, 34, ☎, g , #104457 Eugene Weekly’s Local Dating Site WORLD TRAVELER Sweet and honest person look- ing for the right, honest compan- ion and friend to share life’s experiences and pleasures. I love books, garage sales, NPR, the Ducks, football, track and traveling. loulou, 61, #101279 TG BLACK BARBIE TRANSEXUAL BLACK GODDESS Serving Massages, Companionship, and Good times. Incall only Mornings, Noon, and Late nights. Call and or text:Leave Voicemail. Serious callers. TsAhmazin, 25, g , #106186 (Charges may apply) CHILD-FREE ATHEIST A.M. WALKER 29, married, no kids. Would like to find some cool girls to go out with, without worrying about babysitters. I can hang with any- one, but not into sports or reli- gion. DrGirlfriend, 29, g , #106120 I usually see you walking to work. Need a ride? Want a ride? When: Wednesday, May 4, 2011. Where: Downtown. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902090 Married woman looking for a woman. captainbolo, 35, #106213 FUN WITHOUT JUDGEMENT I am sexual. Lips, and breasts turn me on. I love curves. I love the idea of being in bed all day. I am enchanted with traditional beauty. gurlygirl, 35, g , #105325 DAN SAVAGE CORVALLIS STONED METAL HEAD I’m a metal head who loves to smoke the green.I don’t really do much except hang out with friends and im looking for some- one to join me in my laziness. TheEugenian, 18, g , #106202 DANCING FIDDLE MAKER SEARCHING FOR SOMEONE Newly single Shy guy, looking for the right one, gonna take my time deciding. SinglySHY, 31, g , #106236 LAIDBACK HUMOROUS CHAP Want meet some new people. Open to do just about anything. Looking for folk that don’t mind a kid, like to laugh, have a beer and kick back. Why not? stop- g , s4pennies, 33, #106232 PRAGMATIC EDUCATED MAN Looking for a woman who knows the meaning of Pragmatic and other large words!I have adegree inNetwork Admin.and in culinary arts aswellas otherdegrees(liket okeepthenogginbusy)would like someone to talk to The Pragmatist. Shag, 30, #106204 Mermaid Ca r ve r, ViolinGuitarMaker, Artist, Dancer, Woodsman, Lover of Nature, Gardener, Farmer, Rain Showers, Skinny Dipper, Lover of Tropics, Beethoven, Bob Marley, Grateful Dead, Jazz, Arts, seeking Natural Hippie Woods Woman. fiddle- mon, 56, ☎, g , #106192 HEDONISTIC WANDERING ARTIST SNOWBOARDING RAGER/ EX-YUMMER! A spiritual warrior with an addic- tion to ink, I’m seeking friends and compatriots to share lifes pathways. I’m artistic, flamboy- ant, introspective,articulate, opinionated, compassionate,and passionate about those things I believe in. tattooed_sha- man, 46, g , #106190 I like the outdoors. I’m a blazer. I like music. I’m distracted easily. I like to travel. I like to organize. I love food. I like to Rage. BusBoy186, 20, g , #105839 optimusprime, waltwhitman and dr.seuss hada baby; it was me!!! Muscley,fit,bearded, athlete- dreamer-artist-yogi-poetboy seeks twinkly-eyed poetgirl, maybe inked, hopefully kinked;) let’s grin at salamanders and bumblebees, eatcupcakes onthe trampoline, and benew likechil- dren.... cyclone_poet_boy, 36, g , #106181 VA POUR G‚TEAU? Music history student at LCC. I like cooking, hanging out, and drinking coffee. I have no prefer- ence to kinks, as I am willing to try most things. Tehfuzzycrab, 23, g , #106199 THAT’S MY CUPCAKE! I love going to the movies, going out for dinner and drinks. Going to baseball games. I enjoy paint- ing, reading a good book or just listening to some good music. VintageLakeHouse, 26, g , #106088 You, Corvallis’s gay males. Why is it I can see you at this function but almost never around town??? Do you hide in your houses all day? BE MORE VISIBLE! When: Monday, May 9, 2011. Where: Dan Savage Corvallis Q&A. You: Man. Me: Man. #902095 GLENN BECK SUCKS Quirky gay boy, scientific mind, well kept and hygienic. Enjoys cuddling under the stars, good music, and Dan Savage’s column. Nonsmoker, 18, tall, open minded, passionate. viriproviri, 18, g , #105543 CONTRADICTIONS ARE FUN. BORNOFTHESKY AND DREAMING!!! Free Will Astrology I’m a budding academic who is really disinterested in the pro- fession. I’m also an astrologer. And agnostic. And funny. And sour. And sharp. And soft. Confused? It’s simple, really. thethinker, 21, #105442 O.O 0.0 ^_^ Mainly looking for guys 21 to 30 to hang out with here in Corvallis/nearby, specifically gay males. Nice and laid-back? Drop me a line. Into old movies a plus. ragemanchoo, 29, ☎, g , #101557 DORIE JEAN FRIENDS + MUSIC seeking band-mates who are in love with sound and are not very grouchy, to make fun songs, interesting songs, lovely songs, and songs that have to do with weather. and_jellyfish, 27, g , #105559 METAL,ANIME,COMICS, NERDY,GUITAR Im a metalhead nerd who is look- ing a for girl to hang with,who likes metal and going to metal shows with me so we can head- bang and mosh. Deth21, 20, #106217 COOL STONER DUDE Intelligent female wanted to hang out in totally cool house: weed, food, movies, conversa- tion. Please be pretty, confident, and interesting. warm and allur- ing yes; sad and angry no. smartash2011, 33, ☎, #106157 You are my BEST FRIEND and the love of my life. Always have been and always will be. All my love - Dean MY HAIR ALBUM “we” broke up. where u went and what u did after i don’t know. When: Tuesday, May 3, 2011. Where: the remix. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902093 ON LATE EMX See you every Thursday night on the EmX. Loaned you my lighter last time. Should have invited you over for a Cinco de Mayo beer. Next week? When: Thursday, May 5, 2011. Where: EmX. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902092 MY FAVORITE PERSON I love you. I love you. I love you. And I know you know it. I love your hair, snaggley toof, and your secret chicken dance When: Thursday, May 5, 2011. Where: Everday. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902091 APPLEBLOSSOM DIRTYBLOND MEGASHARK I saw you in a green shirt cross- ing marathon finish line looking strong, Beautiful, and smiling. Now I hope you see yourself like I always have. When: Sunday, May 1, 2011. Where: Hayward Field. You: Woman. Me: Man. #902088 I SAW YOU BEING A DOUCHEBAG I saw you at the Willamette Valley Music Fest. Why are you so white? P.S. only Lil B can pull off swag these days. When: Saturday, May 7, 2011. Where: EMU. You: People. Me: Annoyed. ACCORDIONED BEAUTY Your sweet serenade and canine brigade, together they made for a lovely mid-afternoon prome- nade. When: Tuesday, May 10, 2011. Where: Morse Ranch. You: Woman Me: impressed. A LONG TIME AGO IN A SOCIAL NETWORK FAR FAR AWAY Sorry you don't like my Darth Vader puppy vibe, but the Force is with ME.. When: Tuesday, May 10, 2011. Where: internets. You: angry PC chick. Me: black dawg BY ROB BREZSNY ARIES (March 21-April 19): The 16th-century English writer John Heywood was a prolifi c creator of epigrams. I know of at least 20 of his proverbs that are still invoked, including “Haste makes waste,” “Out of sight, out of mind,” “Look before you leap,” “Beggars shouldn’t be choosers,” “Rome wasn’t built in a day,” and “Do you want to both eat your cake and have it, too?” I bring this up, Aries, be- cause I suspect you’re in a Heywoodian phase of your long-term cycle. In the coming weeks, you’re likely to unearth a wealth of pithy insights and guiding principles that will serve you well into the future. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “If you wish to bake an apple pie from scratch, you must fi rst invent the universe,” said astronomer Carl Sa- gan in his book Cosmos. In other words, the pie can’t exist until there’s a star orbited by a habitable planet that has spawned intelligent creatures and apples. A lot of preliminaries have to be in place. Keep that in mind, Taurus, as you start out down the long and winding path toward manifesting your own personal equivalent of the iconic apple pie. In a sense, you will have to create an entire world to serve as the womb for your brainchild. To aid you in your intricate quest, make sure to keep a glowing vision of the prize always burning in the sacred temple of your imagination. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): I’ll quote Wikipedia: “Dawn should not be confused with sunrise, which is the moment when the leading edge of the sun itself appears above the horizon.” In other words, dawn comes before the sun has actually showed itself. It’s a ghostly foreshadowing — a pale light appearing out of nowhere to tinge the blackness. Where you are right now, Gemini, is comparable to the last hour before the sunrise. When the pale light fi rst appears, don’t mistake it for the sun and take premature action. Wait until you can actually see the golden rim rising. CA NCER (June 21-July 22): When some readers write to me, they address me as “Mr. Brezsny.” It reminds me of what happens when a check-out clerk at Whole Foods calls me “sir”: I feel as if I’ve been hit in the face with a cream pie — like someone is bashing my breezy, casual self-image with an unwelcome blast of dignity and decorum. So let’s get this straight, people: I am not a mister and I am not a sir. Never was, never will be. Now as for your challenges in the coming week, Cancerian: I expect that you, too, may feel pressure to be overly respectable, uncomfortably formal, excessively polite, and in too much control. That would be pushing you in a direction opposite to the one I think you should go. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): At one point in the story Alice in Wonderland, a large talking bird known as the Dodo organizes a race with unusual rules. There is no single course that all the runners must follow. Rather, everybody scampers around wherever he or she wants, and 38 MAY 12, 2011 EUGENE WEEKLY MY ANGEL GREG I don’t care if you lied to make yourself older. It’s sweet, funny, a compliment. Let’s share Holy Communion, and pray together, again. I still trust you, my friend, robin When: Saturday, May 21, 2011. Where: The Sanctuary, duck pond. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902089 SOMETHING INTERESTING QUIRKY HIGH ENERGY Born and Raised. I’m a Eugene Native,Single mother looking for someone to just hang out with and get to know on an intellec- tual level, not someone who just wants sex. Brat, 30, g , #106201 Respond to a Wink ad. Visit wink-kink.com and enter the ad ID Ads with a ☎ have Voice Mail Messages call 1-520-547-3013 • Browse local postings • Post your own profi le decides when to begin and when to end. When the “race” is all over, of course, it’s impossible to sort out who has performed best, so the Dodo declares everyone to be the winner. I encourage you to organize and participate in activities like that in the coming weeks, Leo. It’s an excellent time to drum up playful victories and easy successes not only for yourself, but for everyone else, too. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): In his book The Rough Guide to Climate Change, Bob Henson talks about the “fi ve places to go before global warming messes them up.” One such beautiful spot is Colorado’s Rocky Mountain National Park. Vast swatches of its trees are being ravaged by hordes of pine beetles, whose populations used to be kept under control by frigid winters before the climate began to change. Australia’s Great Barrier Reef and Switzerland’s Alpine glaciers are among the other natural beauties that are rapidly changing form. I suggest that you apply this line of thought to icons with a more personal meaning, Virgo. Nothing stays the same forever, and it’s an apt time in your astrological cycle to get all you can out of useful and wonderful resources that are in the midst of transformation. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): There’s not a whole lot of funny stuff reported in the Bible, but one notable case occurred when God told Abraham that he and his wife Sarah would fi nally be able to conceive their fi rst child. This made Abraham laugh out loud, since he was 99 years old at the time and Sarah was 90. It may have been a while since God has delivered any humorous messages to you, Libra, but my sense is that She’s gearing up for such a transmission even as we speak. To receive this cosmic jest in the right spirit, make sure you’re not taking yourself too damn seriously. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): No one in history has ever drunk the entire contents of a regulation-size ketchup bottle in less than 39 seconds. So says the Guinness Book of World Records. However, I be- lieve it’s possible that a Scorpio daredevil will soon break this record. Right now your tribe has an almost supernaturally enormous power to rapidly extract the essence of anything you set your mind to extract- ing. You’ve got the instincts of a vacuum cleaner. You’re an expert at tapping into the source and siphoning off exactly what you need. You know how to suck — in the best sense of that word — and you’re not shy about sucking. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “I’m not superstitious,” said Michael Scott, the former boss in the TV show The Offi ce. “I’m just a little stitious.” From my perspective, Sagittarius, you shouldn’t indulge yourself in being even a little stitious in the coming weeks. You have a prime opportunity to free yourself from the grip of at least some of your irrational fears, unfounded theories, and compulsive fetishes. I’m not saying that you suffer from more of these delusions than any of the rest of us. It’s just that you now have more power than the rest of us to break away from their spell. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In Plato’s Republic, Socrates speaks derisively about people who are eu a-mousoi, an ancient Greek term that literally means “happily without muses.” These are the plodding materialists who have no hunger for inspiration and no need of spiritual intelligence. According to my reading of the astrological omens, Capricorn, you can’t afford to be eu a-mousoi in the coming weeks. Mundane satisfactions won’t be nearly enough to feed your head and heart. To even wake up and get out of bed each morn- ing, you’ve got to be on fi re with a shimmering dream or a beautiful prospect. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): In his Book of Imaginary Beings, Argentinian writer Jorge Luis Borges reports the following: “Chang Tzu tells us of a persevering man who after three laborious years mastered the art of dragon-slaying. For the rest of his days, he had not a single opportunity to test his skills.” I bring this to your attention, Aquarius, because my reading of the astrological omens suggests that you, too, may be in training to fi ght a beast that does not exist. Luckily, you’re also in an excellent position to realize that fact, quit the unnecessary quest, and redirect your martial energy into a more worthy endeavor. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Want to see a rabbit chase a snake up a tree? Go watch this video on YouTube: tinyurl.com/Bunny- WhipsSnake. If for some reason you don’t have access to Youtube, then please close your eyes and visualize a cute bunny harassing a six-foot-long snake until it slithers madly away and escapes up a tree. Once you have this sequence imprinted on your mind’s eye you will, I hope, be energized to try a similar reversal in your own sphere. Don’t do anything stupid, like spitting at a Hell’s Angels dude in a biker bar. Rather, try a metaphorical or psychological version. HOMEWORK: Imagine it’s 40 years from today. As you look back on your life, what is the one adventure you regret not trying? Testify at http://www.freewillastrology.com. Go to RealAstrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny's EXPANDED WEEKLY AUDIO HOROSCOPES and DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700. WWW.EUGENEWEEKLY.COM • BLOGS.EUGENEWEEKLY.COM
