Eugene weekly. (Eugene, Oregon) 1993-current, March 31, 2011, Image 46

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Eugene weekly., March 31, 2011, Page 46, Image 46

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Newspaper Page TextWINK Respond to a Wink ad. Visit wink-kink.com and enter the ad ID Ads with a ☎ have Voice Mail Messages call 1-520-547-3013 • Browse local postings • Post your own proﬁ le Eugene Weekly’s Local Dating Site (Charges may apply) READY FOR LOVE HONEST, SWEET, HARDASS OMEGLE FATE Are any good men out there that are looking for a truly good woman for a long term relation- ship that will lead to marriage? OwlLoveYou, 34, g , #106052 Moved from Lancaster city, PA. I love loving and being with peo- ple. learning, talking, herb, for- ests, art, music, analyzing, sus- tainability (fuck industrializa- tion). I want open relationships. I’m bi. sleepingwbooks, 20, g , #105401 Ryan, I really liked you. I haven’t had a conversation like that in ages. I don’t know why you left, but I’d like that clean slate today. You’re lovely. Again? When: Sunday, March 27, 2011. Where: Omegle. You: Man. Me: Woman. ☎ #902034 ETERNAL STUDENT METAL MUSE There are so many things I want to do in life, and I’m learning now to start chasing dreams rather than simply sit stunned at all the possibilities. TheJester, 20, g , #105279 I need a metal man who is hope- fully a musician that could take my heart and party with me at the same time. Dru_616, 19, g , #105625 GIVE IT UP I’m a dorky lady. I like book- stores, thriftshops, libraries, and tea. Not an artist, but love to paint. I am technologically illiter- ate. Looking for my opposite and counterpart. grimmer, 26, #106115 Moved here 4rm da east coast. I LOVE GURLS. Basically I do wat I want wateva dat is lol. Im new 2 da area & ready have fun!! magic2701, 19, g , #106093 HORSES, GARDENS, SUNRISES TRIPPY-CONVERSATIONS, THREESOMES Country lady looking for her male counterpart- I have 2 hors- es and love to ride, need a part- ner! Would prefer someone with his own horse, please be single! g , goddess2, 60, #106091 We’re a solid, fun-loving, healthy, fit, drama- and STD-free, poly couple, looking for a female friend with benefits. Emphasis on friend. She’s 20, he’s 26. 420 and nerd friendly! two_sexy, 20, g , #106083 ALTERNATIVE, VEGETARIAN, MUSICIANLOVER 24, 5’9, h/w prop. I enjoy movies/ books, coffee/tea/my dog/ music/cocktails/camping/raft- ing/gardening/hiking/coast/ photography. I’m looking for a guy taller than me, tattoos?, musician?, don’t shower every day. alternativevegetari- an, 24, g , #106077 ~WARPED WOLFRIDER CHIEFTESS~ Hoping to be inspired, chal- lenged, educated, explored! Cave Diving? Rock hunting? Comic- con’s? Paintball? Poi-Staff? Snowboarding? ect.!? Peace, Love, Rock ‘n Roll! (Not quite enough to sooth my soul!) ~Ani_ Oakley~ }=)~. Ani_Oakley, 30, g , #106054 SUPER FUN MUSICFINATIC A CHARMING POLYGON STDFREE UNASSUMINGLY AWESOME I love Bob Dylan and Nicki Minaj. I like to cook, dance and bike to Trader Joe’s. My dream is to live in a house with tons of flowers. patty, 20, ☎, g , #105932 HARD NPF LOVES SEX AND JUST TALKING TOLADYS. domy, 46, #106130 BLONDE AND INTELLIGENT I am looking for someone to share my activities and possibly travel. I would you like to get together for a cup or a walk along the river and talk. wesII, 70, g , #106126 34 y.o. former slacker trying to broaden social horizons and meet psychologically stable, optimistic women for coffee and shit. I am an astonishing speci- men of manly beauty. Nonsmokers, please. autodi- dactic, 34, g , #105838 I’m a confident person who loves to be with other people. I try to be nice to the people around me. I like to do random things, and find a d ve n t u re s. kelandry4157, 19, g , #105724 SUNSHINE DAYDREAMER INTELECTUAL KIND OF looking for a long term relation- ship with women of my same age 50+. felipe, 53, #106099 SOUTHERNBELLE TREEHUG- GER HOPELESSROMANTIC PERFECT GENTLEMAN loves to treat a lady like one. looking for friends the long time relationship maybe marriage . l ove n a t u re, b i ke rides,crafts,learning new t h i n g s , h e l p i n g people,movies,romantic times. funcorp, 50, g , #106136 GIRL AND FRIENDS? I’m new in town and I’m looking to meet some interesting women. I enjoy talking about a wide variety of subjects, if you contact me I’ll send you my pic- ture! Armando1983, 28, g , #106078 SEEKING SOME FUN EASY GOING ATTITUDE. THAT’S MY CUPCAKE! I love going to the movies, going out for dinner and drinks. Going to baseball games. I enjoy paint- ing, reading a good book or just listening to some good music. VintageLakeHouse, 26, g , #106088 O.O 0.0 ^_^ Mainly looking for guys 21 to 30 to hang out with here in Corvallis/nearby, specifically gay males. Nice and laid-back? Drop me a line. Into old movies a plus. ragemanchoo, 29, ☎, g , #101557 Nice caring guy bored and lonely looking for some fun to keep mind off work. Wardogin, 29, g , #106135 Free Will Astrology Looking for a friend to talk to, that’s really all. mcveigsh, 21, g , #106097 LOOKING FOR FRIENDS SWM, 47 years of age, 5’7”, 220 pounds, brown hair and green eyes. never married, no children. Am looking for SWF’s between 21 and 40 for friendship and possi- ble dating. tallenlark63, 48, g , #105513 LOVE EXISTS Looking for friends on a love vibration. Not monogamous love, nor nsa sex. I’m describing evolv- ing unconditional love energy. We are shining lights in physical shells, all worthy of love. LadyofLight, 28, g , #105436 BEN, VELVET JESUS U won the Velvet Jesus & I tried to bribe you w/a beer and my feminine wiles. If you decided that you don’t want him any- more, write me a message! When: Monday, March 14, 2011. Where: Sam Bond’s Bingo Night. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902032 I LOVE YOU BLOCK 15 GUYS Two guys talking intensely, one blonde and more obvious than the other. Both good looking. Me: Sitting at bar reading paper, gave my business cards, sad about city GLBT. Call? When: Monday, March 28, 2011. Where: Block 15 down- town Corvallis. You: Man. Me: Man. #902036 LCC MARCH 28 Tall, olive-complected. Black hair, streaks dyed teal, clothes matched your hair. I was too shy to approach at LCC Monday, March 28. Want to meet for a cup of coffee? When: Monday, March 28, 2011. Where: LCC Student Services Building. You: Woman. Me: Man. #902035 You:In a Madras button up Me:Wishin I was in nothin! I love you insanely and cant wait to spend the rest of my life with you! You are so amazing! When: Saturday, February 12, 2011. Where: Madras. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902031 EUGENE Quit poking me sucka!!!! When: Wednesday, March 23, 2011. Where: Everyday and everynight. You: Man. Me: Woman. #902030 BY ROB BREZSNY ARIES (March 21-April 19): This is an excellent time to study the book Assholeology: The Science Behind Getting Your Way — and Get- ting Away with it. In fact, the cosmos would not only look the other way if you acted on the principles described therein; the cosmos is actively encouraging you to be a successful jerk. APRIL FOOL! It’s true that you’re in a phase when it makes sense to be a little extra selﬁ sh and eager to bend the world to meet your needs. But according to my analysis, it’s crucial that you do this politely and graciously. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): It’s a great time to get breast implants, a penis enlargement, a nose enhancement (if your nose is too tiny), or surgery to elongate your tongue. Anything you could do to yourself in order to stick out further and make a bigger impression would be in harmonious alignment with the astrological omens. APRIL FOOL! Everything I just said was a dirty lie. Here are the facts: It’s high time to work creatively and appreciatively with what nature has given you, not try to force it to accommodate some soulless desire. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Between now and April 16, you really should try to party every night. You should experiment with at least 100 different altered states of consciousness, and talk to at least 500 fascinating people, and explode with at least 800 ﬁ ts of laughter, and change your mind at least 1,000 times. You need massive stimulation, Gemini. You need record-breaking levels of variety and mood swings. Be everywhere! Do everything! APRIL FOOL! While it’s true that this might be one of those times that the visionary poet William Blake was referring to when he said, “The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom,” please take care you don’t end up slobbering face-down in the gutter without any pants on halfway along the road of excess. Remember the goal: to actually reach the palace of wisdom. CANCER (June 21-July 22): You have cosmic permission to brag like a coked-up pimp. You have poetic license to swagger and show off like a rock star who has sold his soul for $30 million. You have my blessing if you’d like to act as if everyone in the world should be more like you. APRIL FOOL! I was exaggerating a little. It’s true that you have every right to seize more authority and feel more conﬁ dent and spread your inﬂ uence farther and wider. But the best way to do that is to explore the mysteries of humble courage and ply the art of magical truth-telling and supercharge your willpower with a big dose of smart love. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): What is your most far-fetched desire? I dare you to pursue it. What is the craving that would take you to the frontier of your understanding about yourself? I urge you to indulge it. Which of your primal wishes intimidates you as much as it enthralls you? I beg you to embrace it. APRIL FOOL! I don’t really think you should try to carry out your most extreme fantasies. Maybe in a few 42 MARCH 31, 2011 EUGENE WEEKLY CHILD-FREE ATHEIST 29, married, no kids. Would like to find some cool girls to go out with, without worrying about babysitters. I can hang with any- one, but not into sports or reli- gion. DrGirlfriend, 29, g , #106120 Mellow, kind, considerate young man, seeking honest, sincere, mellow woman. mel- lowdude83, 25, g , #106112 LET’S ENJOY LIFE I would describe myself as a woman with integrity. I’m looking for a woman who loves the out- doors, hates drama, loves to make love, and loves to laugh. Time2Live, 48, #101037 justmoved here fromTN.im laid back.downtoearth lovemusic.art. goodbeer.goodbud.lookin to make new friends.meet new people.lovemusic!lovefestivals n shows.i am my own person.tat- toos.piercings.people whocan keep up with me.witty.outspo- ken.lil wild.like to party.if u wan- naknow morejust lemmeknow. southern_charmer89, 22, g , #106033 ACTIVE, CARING, GENTLE- MAN I love to have a good time and dance it up! Lets go to hornings for cheese!I’m lookin for a ticket!would b fabulous if u had one! Thanx : ). TaraFractal, 24, g , #104720 DAVIS’ SATURDAY NIGHT You wore a black top with jeans and have tattoos on your shoul- ders. Dancing by yourself all night! I wore a white shirt/ danced near you.Hit me up if you like! When: Saturday, March 26, 2011. Where: Davis’ Bar. You: Woman. Me: Man. #902033 weeks, but not now. I do hope, however, that you spend some time this week getting to know them better. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): If you develop symptoms like a dry mouth, twitching eyebrows, sweaty palms, or goose bumps in places you don’t usually get them, you may be suffering from a malady called anatidaephobia, which is the fear that you are being watched by a duck. So please, Virgo, try to avoid places where ducks congregate. APRIL FOOL! I lied. The truth is, you will not contract an exotic af- ﬂ iction like anatidaephobia any time soon. You may, however, notice yourself experiencing waves of seemingly irrational elation; you may frequently feel like something oddly good is about to happen. Why? Because according to my analysis of the omens, you are more likely than usual to be watched by secret admirers, future helpers, interest- ing strangers, and your guardian angel. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): If you’re a straight man, this would be a good time to ask Halle Berry on a date. If you’re a straight woman, you’ll have a better-than-usual chance to get Jake Gyllenhaal to go out with you. If you’re a gay man, you might want to try your luck with Adam Lambert, and if you’re a lesbian, I encourage you to propose a rendezvous with Portia de Rossi. APRIL FOOL! I lied. It’s never a good time to try to hook up with unavailable dream girls or dream guys. I will say this, though: You now have extraordinary power to turn your- self into a better partner, ally, and lover. And that suggests it’s well within your means to cultivate a more exciting kind of intimacy. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Dear Rob: I just walked in on my boy- friend of over a year in bed with another woman. My mind is beyond blown; it’s a splay of sparks in a drenched sky, a ﬁ reworks display in a downpour. Any advice on moving forward? Shocked Scorpio. Dear Shocked: I’ll tell you what I’d like to tell all Scorpios right now: Start plotting your wicked revenge. APRIL FOOL! The truth is, revenge would be a dumb waste of your precious time. Any surprises that come your way in the coming days are basically disguised gifts from life to get you back on course. Use their motivational energy wisely and gratefully. practically screaming for you to go out and buy a luxurious new home in your ideal neighborhood. Preferably it should have every feature you’ve ever dreamed about, whether that’s a cinema-scale theater room or a spa with a sauna and hot tub. If you have to go deep into debt to make this happen, that’s ﬁ ne. APRIL FOOL! I lied, sort of. It is an excellent time for you to upgrade your domestic scene, either by making comfortable and attractive changes in the decor of your current home or by enhancing your relationships with your family and roommates. But there’s no need to make crazy expenditures that will cripple you ﬁ nancially. In fact, cheap is probably better. That’s what the astrological omens are really suggesting. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): It’s absolutely critical for you to be consistent and uniform right now. You must be pure, homoge- neous, and regular. Don’t you dare dabble with anything that’s even vaguely miscellaneous. APRIL FOOL! Everything I just said was a lie. In astrological fact, the best way to thrive is by being a cross between a mishmash and a medley ... by being part hodgepodge and part amalgamation. Your strongest impact will come from blending the most diverse inﬂ uences. The best elixir will result from mixing several different potions. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): I hope you take full advantage of this unusual moment in your astrological cycle, Pisces. According to my interpretation of the cosmic signs, it’s prime time to unleash an ocean of tears. And not just the kind of moisture that wells up out of sadness, either. I hope you will give even more time to crying because of unreasonable joy, sobbing due to cathartic epiphanies, weeping out of compassion for the suffering of others, and blubbering activated by visions of the interconnectedness of all life. Let it ﬂ ow! APRIL FOOL! I slightly overstated the possibilities. Yes, it will be a wonderful time to feel profound states of emotion and surrender to the tears they induce. But you need to get a few things done, too, so don’t risk drowning. HOMEWORK : Describe what you’d be like if you were the op- posite of yourself. Write www.freewillastrology.com. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): It’s an ideal time for you to explore the intimate wonders of ecosexuality. Nature’s libidinous plea- sures are calling to you. How about trying some erotic experiments with trees and waterfalls? Or skinny-dipping in wetlands and doing skyclad seduction dances for the clouds? Or making out with oyster mushrooms right where they grow up out of a fallen log? APRIL FOOL! It’s true that this is a good time to expand your sexual repertoire and seek out new sensations of intimate bliss, but it’s quite possible to ac- complish that by conﬁ ning your erotic communion to human beings. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The astrological omens are Go to RealAstrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny's EXPANDED WEEKLY AUDIO HOROSCOPES and DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700. WWW.EUGENEWEEKLY.COM • BLOGS.EUGENEWEEKLY.COM