Eugene weekly., August 13, 2009, Image 21

BEAUTY AND
THE BEASTS
Animals compete at the County Fair BY CAMILLA MORTENSEN
produce the milk that makes up the bulk of
that latte you’re sipping as you watch some
of the less serious livestock competitions.
In addition to the judging of the cows,
swine, chickens, cavies (aka guinea pigs),
rabbits, sheep, goats and horses, and the
showmanship classes, which may be a
little esoteric for the average fairgoer,
COURTESY LANE COUNTY FAIR
S
ome fairgoers hold their noses when
they walk into the livestock area at the
Lane County Fair, but others whiff
the scents of manure and hay, cow, goat
and sheep like it’s a fi ne (albeit peculiar)
perfume. For you Eugeneans who spend
your days in the city and don’t venture out
to the farms and fi elds that surround us, the
Fair is your big chance to spend a couple
hours getting down with your rural self.
After watching the sheep shearing
(every day at 1 pm), livestock judging and
Saturday’s horse show featuring Western
horses (think cowboy), English horses
(think fox hunting) and the miniature horses
(think small, very, very small) you’ll not
only be able to talk like you know a little
bit about farm animals, you may kind of
smell like one too.
And when we’re talking about the
Fair, we’re not just talking about plain
old boring farm animals standing around
chewing their cuds. We’re talking serious
farm animal business. These are sheep and
cows that have been raised and prepped
for their big moment in the sun, when the
livestock get judged.
Remember Wilbur in Charlotte’s Web
competing for the big blue ribbon at the
county fair? Yep, that’s what we do too,
here in Lane County. Remember the part
about how Wilbur was afraid he was going
to get made into bacon post-fair? Ummm,
well, yeah, that is also what we do. But
before they get eaten, milked or shorn, the
cows and other livestock get slicked up and
shown off. Behind the scenes, 4-H kids and
full-grown farmers primp their beasts like
beauty queens.
The beef cattle are judged on their fi ne
(and presumably tasty) physiques. When
cattle judging begins on Wednesday, Aug.
19, look closely to see if competitors resort
to some of the tricks of the cattle showing
trade to show their Bossies off. Like the
Vaseline beauty contestants use to put a
shine on their teeth or the extra hold spray
that makes their hair look bigger and better,
there are products to whiten cow coats
or shine hooves — and even something
called “hair adhesive,” which is sort of like
hairspray for cows. Does your show cow
have skinnier legs than she ought to? Does
she lack a little muscle on the forearm?
Contestants at fairs are known to spray a
little adhesive on that beast, get her hair
to stand up and create the illusion of the
thick-legged heifer the judge will love.
If beef cattle aren’t your thing, check
out the judging of the dairy cattle, also on
Wednesday, and you’ll be treated to not one,
not two, but fi ve classes devoted to “Best
Udder,” including, “Best Udder, Aged Cow”
(for you Fair newbies, that would be a cow
born before 2004) and you can learn more
than you ever wanted about cow teats.
And before you think judging a cow by
her teats is udderly funny, remember this is
serious business — a good udder means a
good milker, and kid exhibitors at the fair are
learning how to breed and raise the cattle that
Fair organizers have thrown in a couple
events even the most non-animal oriented
Eugeneans can understand. At 7 pm
Tuesday, Aug. 18, you can catch the rabbit
and cavies costume contest. And the only
thing better than a bunny in a costume
takes place on Saturday after the horse
show ends at 5 pm — that would be the
can’t-be-missed costumed goat parade. All
this, plus for you Wilbur fans, there’s the 4
pm daily running of the All-Alaskan racing
pigs. Though, now that we think about it,
those pigs probably retire to a bacon farm,
seeing as EW was unable to locate any
farms devoted to retired racing pigs. Now
that you know a little more about where
your burgers and breakfast foods come
from, there’s nothing like going hog wild
at the County Fair …
HOW NOT TO GO
GREEN AT THE FAIR
T
he sunny, hot August days of the Lane County Fair are nostalgic gems that citizens of Lane County can remember fondly:
Ah the fried foods, the games of skills and chance, the rides.
Unless you puke. Or worse yet, you get somebody else’s puke on you. It’s strange how vomiting can create a lasting, if
unwanted, memory of any event. To better understand this unfortunate reaction to food and fun at the fair, we turn to science.
Motion sickness (or kinetosis) is the result of a broken alignment between a body’s perceived motion and the vestibular system
(part of the inner ear). To put it another way, the eyes will believe the body is not moving while the body is actually in motion. This
can sometimes occur when a person is placed into a carnival ride with limited visibility and sudden, quick movements, such as, let’s
say, the Zipper, El Niño or the Inverter, just a few of the many entertaining and possibly nauseating options at this year’s fair.
Unfortunately for those suffering kinetosis and those near them, vomiting will usually not relieve the nausea. Therefore, if a
ride doesn’t come to a stop immediately after a person vomits, it’s very likely they will expel their stomach’s contents again and
again without mercy. Good luck with that.
Fortunately, sailors suffering from centuries of seasickness have come up with a solution: Look to the horizon. Although it’s not
a surefi re way to cure nausea, it can relieve symptoms by allowing what the eyes perceive to line up with how the body is moving.
Passing this helpful tip about the horizon onto an ill-looking stranger in line for a ride could save you a trip to the dry-cleaners, and
with some consideration for Newtonian mechanics, the nightmare straight out of The Exorcist can be easily avoided.
Centrifugal and centripetal forces (the forces that make a potting wheel work) are what to keep in mind when you decide
to hop on the Starship 2000 (once known as “the Gravitron”), a ride that basically spins very fast and plasters its passengers
against its padded walls. Note the direction the Starship 2000 spins while you’re standing in line, and get ready to choose your
position. If it is spinning clockwise and an ill-looking person decides to stand at the three o’clock position, then standing in the
two o’clock or even the one o’clock position could create a terrible mess for you. However, standing in the four o’clock position
will probably be fi ne — you’ll be ahead, not behind anything that comes fl ying out of your weak-stomached fellow passenger.
The same principles can be applied in reverse if the ride is spinning counter-clockwise. Keep in mind that centrifugal force,
sometimes thought of as a reaction to centripetal force’s inward pull on an object in a spinning environment, will throw the vomit
almost directly against the wall, where it will remain until the end of the ride.
With the help of science, the average fairgoer can remain splatter-free this summer, and once again enjoy the spinning and
fl ipping the rides at the Lane County Fair have to offer. — Shaun O’Dell