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About Eugene weekly. (Eugene, Oregon) 1993-current | View Entire Issue (Jan. 25, 2007)
BY SALLY SHEKLOW Playing With Fire Avoiding the heartache of same-sex divorce Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell. —Joan Crawford M y friend Carrie climbed the bleachers and slid into the seat next to me. We like to show up early for women’s basketball games — Lesboland’s social hotbed. “I’m getting married!” My old pal sizzled with excitement. I offered her some popcorn. “Really? Who’s the lucky woman?” I’ve known Carrie since way before this country showed lesbians on TV (not counting Wimbledon). Back in the day she rocked this town by asserting her out-and-proud self in high school. She’s been like a kid sister to me and I feel protective. I want to see her happy, and I also want to do my part to raise respect for same-sex marriages. Must our struggle for equal rights lead to equality with heterosexual marriage’s miserable 50 percent divorce rate? I hope not. If my friends want to date, carouse and otherwise enjoy sexual liberation, fine with me. But matrimony is different. If you’re going to get married — make solemn vows and a serious commitment — shouldn’t you give your flame the best odds of becoming eternal? It’s not like these two women will have any legal recognition of their union (we’re working on that). The local daily newspaper won’t even run their wedding picture or include their babies in the birth announcements (we’re working on that, too). Without the automatic celebration and support One Man/One Woman couples get — not to mention the 1,049 state and federal rights that come with a marriage license (same-sex couples need not apply) — commitments like Carrie’s and Mandy’s have to be sturdy enough to hold up on their own. I take it as my personal duty to help my lesbian friends avoid the disappointment of a bad match, the heartache of divorce and those long lonely nights listening to Ain’t Life a Brook (no offense to Ferron). A half hour until tip-off gave us plenty of time for Q&A. What are your intentions? What does marriage mean to you? How do you know this relationship is The One? Our team trotted onto the court — Title IX in action. Their boat-sized high-tops pum- meled the court, rubber soles screeched against polished alder planks. Fans cheered. The players worked through their warm-up routine while I grilled my buddy about her beloved — What’s she like? Why don’t I ever see you together at games? If not women’s basketball, what could you possibly have in common? Naturally, I wanted all the details of my friend’s betrothal, but part of my focus stayed with the tall, muscular student athletes, their yard-long thighs and awesome lay-ups. Luckily I can multi-task. Carrie beamed, her ardor not at all doused by my inquiry. Basketballs thudded and echoed in the old gymnasium. I learned that the two lovebirds actually have a lot in com- mon, including homophobic parents. Sadly, no mothers or fathers of the bride will come to the wedding or bless their union. Even so, these two are family-oriented and want to start one of their own. They both like a lot of space. Unlike my marriage. Wifey and I are cozy — we floss together, monitor every biological detail, even mate each other’s socks (sorry for this shocking exposé of so-called “gay” marriage). Living up close and personal works for us, but maybe our kind of intimacy isn’t for everyone. I suppose other couples might prefer different boundaries. I guess everyone gets to choose what kind of relationship they want. If my friends want to jump into marriage after only a few months I can’t stop them. More people crowded onto the bleachers. Carrie scooted closer. “We’re waiting until September,” she said. I strained to hear her over the band’s almost-on-key rendition of Louie Louie. Both teams were on the court now. Big sweaty women ran, passed, jumped, shot and re- bounded. Carrie gave my knee a not-to-worry pat. “We want a respectable engagement.” Our school’s fight song started up. Go team go. WHO YOU GONNA BLAME? Award-winning lesbian humor columnist Sally Sheklow passes judgment on other peoples’ relationships in Eugene. EDITORIAL Editor Ted Taylor News Editor Alan Pittman Arts & Music Editor Molly Templeton Performing & Visual Arts/Copy Editor Suzi Steffen Calendar Editor Chuck Adams Contributing Editor Anita Johnson Reporter Kera Abraham Contributing Writers Jason Blair, Martha Calhoon, Brett Campbell, Rachael Carnes, Michael Cockram, David Constantin, John Dooley, Rachel Foster, James Johnston, Sarah Mazze, Sharleen Nelson, Mary O’Brien, Aaron Ragan-Fore, Vanessa Salvia, Steven Sawada, Sally Sheklow, Lance Sparks, Adrienne van der Valk Interns Amanda Burhop, Nicole Fancher ART DEPARTMENT Art Director/Production Manager Kevin Dougherty Graphic Artist/Webmaster James Bateman Graphic Artists Todd Cooper, Barbara Cooper Contributing Photographers Kurt Jensen, Paul Neevel ADVERTISING National Sales Manager Mark Frisbee Display Marketing Consultant Jennifer Donohue, Nate Krusi, Rob Weiss Advertising Traffic Coordinator Drew Harrison Classified Manager Jennifer Donohue Classified Marketing Consultant Janus Brezsny, Aspen Rosen BUSINESS Director of Sales and Marketing Bill Shreve Circulation Manager Danica Stiles Controller Paula Hoemann Distributors Bob Becker, Matt Bryson, Margaret Garrison, Tobin Herrera, Susan and David Lawson, Tim Risch, Quick Draw, Pedalers Express Printing Signature Graphics HOW TO REACH US BY E-MAIL: (letters): editor@eugeneweekly.com (advertising): ads@eugeneweekly.com gressional opposition.” Again, they are using the “attack anyone who disagrees” tactic to bulldoze over anyone who wants to end the con- tinuous loss of our troops in Iraq. I received a correspondence from Congressman DeFazio that informed me of at least six resolu- tions by Congress and Senate members that outline plans to bring our troops home. The Democratic majority in both the House and Senate have had alternative plans all along, but the administration spin doctors continue to throw out their catchy phrases like “cut and run” to entrap the American public in their web of deception. When President Bush states how awful he feels that so many have died in this de- bacle of an occupation, there is not one ac- tion that he has taken to back up his hollow words. He has not attended any memorials of fallen soldiers, does not flinch when his cronies in Congress cut veterans’ benefits and was more interested in preserving tax cuts for the wealthy than he was in provid- ing body armor and protective vehicles for our troops. The military recently sent out 5,500 letters to deceased military person- nel asking them to return to active service. How desperate. Flood the White House and legislators with calls and correspondence urging them to bring our troops home now! Rita Babauta Kiley Junction City SILENCE IS BETRAYAL “There comes a time when Silence is Betrayal.” Martin Luther King Jr. deliv- ered that speech about the Vietnam War al- most 40 years ago. Many questioned the danger of him speaking out and opposing the government at a time of war. He said those who questioned him did not know him. That the injustice of the war was an injustice that could not be ignored, and a part of the bigger picture of his path of nonviolence. King said, “The greatest purveyor of vi- olence in the world today: my own govern- ment. For the sake of those boys, for the sake of this government, for the sake of the hundreds of thousands trembling under our violence, I cannot be silent. This I believe to be the privilege and the burden of all of us who deem ourselves bound by alle- giances and loyalties which are broader and deeper than nationalism and which go beyond our nation’s self-defined goals and positions. We are called to speak for the weak, for the voiceless, for the victims of our nation, for those it calls ‘enemy,’ for no document from human hands can make these humans any less our brothers.” King nailed it. The U.S. government could not wield bloody wars without poi- soning itself. The need to embrace nonvio- lence has no boundaries, no enemies. He understood that a guise of patriotism that only serves to oppress and violate the human condition was blind, and ultimately would ruin the soul of our country. We must take a stand and speak out, in- sist that our representatives put a stop to the military presence in Iraq, including those who are in the armed services being asked to serve multiple tours of duty in Iraq. Fran Gillespie Eugene MATTER OF RELIGION I’m sure that Baptist pastor Walter E. Fauntroy is a good man and will have won- derful things to say as keynote speaker for CATERING FOR EVERYONE UNDER THE RAINBOW • Weddings, Civil Unions, & Ceremonies • Indoor & Outdoor • Formal to Casual • We Meet Your Budget • Menu Design (Seasonal Ingredients) • Event Planning • Experienced Staff • Beer/Wine or Full Bar (classifieds): classy@eugeneweekly.com (personals): personals@eugeneweekly.com (calendar): cal@eugeneweekly.com (music/clubs/special shows): music@eugeneweekly.com (art/openings/galleries): visualarts@eugeneweekly.com (performance/theater): performance@eugeneweekly.com (literary arts/readings): books@eugeneweekly.com (movies/film screenings): movies@eugeneweekly.com (circulation): distribution@eugeneweekly.com Eugene Weekly • 1251 Lincoln Street • Eugene, OR 97401 • 541.484.0519 • fax 541-484-4044 6 JANUARY 25, 2007 TO THE EDITOR 485 2300 CORNUCOPIA C A T E R I N G
