Savage Love
Abbreviations: A Asian • B Black • Bi Bisexual • C Couple • Ch Christian • D Divorced • F Female • G Gay • H Hispanic
HWP Height/ Weight proportionate • J Jewish • M Male • NA No alcohol • NAm Native American • ND No drugs • NS No smoking
P Professional • S Single • W White • Wi Widowed • ISO In search of • LTR Long-term relationship
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DEW...YES, YOU!
I WANT TO BE KEPT
WANTS IT WIDE
Miss you bad! Love U, not only
when your sleeping, but
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day, still checking my bushes
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I’m ready to be spoiled by a real
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change? I love dates, romance,
sensual touches. Must be hand-
some, kind, very generous, goal
oriented, financially secure,
active, 30+. Take care of my bills,
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pretty, sensual, 40, classy, ready
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WM, 47, 5’11, 195lbs, extremely
bi or gay curious. Tired of play-
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GABRIELLE
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CRUDE OIL
Kyoto. Telegram from Kuala
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Americas. Islam and the
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hugs. ☎ 9384
MASSAGE
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Couple, 40s, ISO fit, account-
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OPEN MINDED
LET’S HAVE SOME FUN
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Fun prof. C seeks intelligence
25+ S/Bi/F to help fulfill your
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friends and experiences. Must
like cats & herb. ☎ 9494
NEW YEARS RES
ISO DOM COUPLE
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Barbie. Just interested! ☎
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NICE LOOKING COUPLE
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WORDS OF PURE WISDOM by Dan Savage
I recently met the straight cousin of a good friend. On the night of our first meeting, I ended up
rimming, blowing, and getting fucked by him. And he blew me—badly. Since then, I’ve given him
another blowjob. That night he slept with his arms around me and he repeatedly muttered to me—
drunkenly—that he loves me!
I have since gone out with the friend and the cousin several times to straight bars and have
watched the cousin pick up girls, which is fine. I am not in the market for a fucked-up only-straight-
when-sober boyfriend.
But I do want to have sex with him.
So here are the stupid questions: Is he straight? Is he gay? Is he bi? Why does he only want to
fuck me when he’s drunk? Now he wants to go on vacation with me and I don’t know if I want to
keep messing around with this “straight” hottie, even if he does have a beautiful, big, juicy cock. It’s
not like I can see marrying him. What is a confused gay guy to do?
Straight Cousin Unlikely Marry
Keep jumping on that beautiful, big, juicy cock, of course.
We advice professionals are never supposed to advise people—at least in print—to jump on a beau-
tiful, big, juicy cock unless there’s a chance they’ll ride that cock all the way to the altar. Did Ann
Landers—at whose desk I am delighted to be typing the phrase “beautiful, big, juicy cock”—advise a
single reader to jump on a beautiful, big, juicy cock once in the 16 decades she was writing her col-
umn? Did Abigail Van Buren? Has Billy Graham? No, no, and I’m guessing not. (I don’t read Graham’s
syndicated advice column religiously, so I can’t rule out the possibility.)
It’s not just that my advice-giving colleagues disapprove of premarital and/or no-possibility-of-
marital sex. The whole culture has a problem with it. We all believe that sex should have some noble
purpose—in theory, at least. The possibility of marriage is just the easiest and most obvious. But sex
can have a noble purpose even when marriage is out of the question.
Needless to say, an Ann Landers or a Billy Graham can’t see the noble purpose in a fag jumping
on the beautiful, big, juicy cock of a drunken straight boy. I, however, can: One day BBJC is going to
have to reconcile the person he is—and the people he fucks—when he’s drunk with the person he is
when he’s sober. Every night he spends with you, SCUM, brings that day of reckoning eight or nine
inches closer. So take the straight boy and his beautiful, big, juicy cock on vacation for his sake,
SCUM, if not your own.
And finally, an answer to the stupidest question: gay, straight, bi? My money’s on gay. Yes, there
are a handful of straight men out there who will, when impaired or imprisoned, make do with a little
man ass. And, yes, booze can bring out the inept cocksucker in many a bisexual dude. But a
“straight” guy who makes drunken declarations of same-sex love is 110 percent faggot.
I am a 48-year-old gay man and have been in a committed and monogamous relationship with a
wonderful man for 20 years. I am not sure how often people together this long have sex, but for us
it is about once every three or four weeks. This is plenty for me, but my husband’s libido seems to
be getting much stronger than mine. About two years ago, he asked that we add “adventure” to our
sex life. He has bought dildos, vibrators, and leather garb and wants me to use them. He wants me
to call him fuckhole or slaveboy when we are intimate, and he wants to try nude vacations and
three-ways. I should add that my husband is coming up on 40 and is quite the hottie. I, on the other
hand, have not aged as gracefully. We also have small children and I don’t think it is appropriate to
have these things in the house. Last week, he asked me to take him to a resort he found online for
his 40th where I can fuck him in front of other men. Is this a normal gay midlife/about-to-turn-40
crisis?
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No, it’s not, SHHH, but is that relevant? Because like it or not this is the midlife crisis that your
husband is having—not that I would normally characterize a strong libido as a crisis. To me it sounds
like someone who settled down at 19 and wants to live a little while he’s still limber enough to really
enjoy it.
And I’m sorry, SHHH, but it’s your duty to indulge the little fuckhole. When two people marry,
they’re not only making a solemn vow to be there in good times and bad, in sickness and in health,
but also to be complete and total whores for each other. It would save countless marriages—and cut
my mail in half—if this was made explicit in standard marriage vows. Perhaps the American Family
Association could get on this.
As for your issues, SHHH, bringing sex toys and fetish wear into a house with small children? You
won’t be the first or last parents with a lock on their bedroom closet. Slaveboy and fuckhole?
Perhaps not every time you have sex, but a little dirty talk isn’t too much to ask. Three-ways? Well,
that’s something you have to be down with or it could do permanent damage to your relationship. I
prescribe more discussion. Public sex in skeezy gay resorts? Most skeezy gay resorts allow nudity,
SHHH, they don’t require it. He can run around naked and you can remain clothed. As for the public
sex, if you agree to go to the resort, he has to agree to take no—and take it cheerfully—for an answer
if you don’t feel comfortable doing him with witnesses.
He’s a wonderful man. He has needs. Meet ’em.
As a guy with a serious cuckold fetish, I agree with your assertion that a man can’t require his
wife to have sex with other men. So before my wife and I were married, I told her about my romantic
abnormality (on one of our first dates, in fact). She was into it and we embarked on a series of sexu-
al adventures beyond my wildest dreams. She enjoyed cuckolding me and was great in every other
way, so I married her. A year later, the cuckolding stopped. She said it was time for us to grow up
and be adults, end of discussion. I offered a compromise: I’ll jerk off if she makes up stories about
fucking other guys. No deal. You’ve stated that it’s okay for a spouse to go outside of the marriage
to seek satisfaction when the partner refuses to help out. Obviously, this is impossible in my case.
Am I doomed to jerking off alone with my fantasies for the rest of my life?
Unlucky In Cuckoldry
No, you’re not, UIC, because you’re going to get a divorce.
You were up-front about your “romantic abnormality,” UIC, and your wife presented herself to
you as someone not just willing and able, but delighted. And you married her in part because you
were sexually compatible. If she felt that cuckolding wasn’t something that adults should do—was she
a toddler when she was cuckolding you?—then she was obligated to say so before the wedding.
A new Savage Love podcast is available for download every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.
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