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BY ROB BREZSNY ARIES (March 21-April 19): A reader wrote the fol- SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Introducing lowing letter to Parade magazine columnist Mariilyn vos Savant: “When you’re asleep and dreaming about performing calorie- burning activities such as running, jumping, and flying, do you burn more calories in reality as opposed to when you’re dream- ing about doing something low-impact?” If you wrote me an inquiry like that, Aries, I’d say this: “Yes, definitely. In fact, what you do in your dreams this week will have at least as much impact on your waking life as anything you do in your waking life. Keep a pen and notebook by your bed so you can keep track of late-breaking developments.” Adrienne Rich at a poetry reading in San Francisco in 2004, Francis Philips turned to her and said, “Thank you for your love- ly, irreverent, unsettled, curious mind.” It was a fitting tribute to a poet who for 50 years has stirred up good trouble with her rowdy yet disciplined work. By the end of this week, Scorpio, I would like to feel justified in saying the same thing to you: “Thank you for your lovely, irreverent, unsettled, curious mind.” Now get out there and pull off the most healing mischief you can imagine. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): I TAURUS (April 20-May 20): This is the one of was watching MTV’s reality game show “Next.” The camera recorded the adventures of a hot blonde as she went on a suc- cession of brief dates with five strangers. The moment any of the suitors bothered or bored her, she barked “Next!”, banishing the loser and ushering in a fresh supplicant. In the first part of the show, she rejected three guys, paving the way for the fourth: an affable, goofy Sagittarius. “I’ve heard Sagittarians are worka- holics,” she told him just minutes into the date. “You’ve been misinformed,” he replied with a chuckle, and went on to tell her that he had no job, really liked doing nothing in particular all day long, and enjoyed walking around naked whenever possible. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Gemini actress I bring this to your attention, Sagittarius, because I hope you’ll Angelina Jolie has a tattoo on her belly. It reads “Quod me nutruit me destruit,” which is Latin for “What feeds me destroys make a liar out of him in the coming weeks. Please work with as me.” I’m not sure I understand all of its implications, but here’s much intensity as you can possibly summon. (P.S. However, it would be fine for you to follow his example for a while in what I think are the two main messages: (1) If you grow too August.) comfortable from soaking up nourishing experiences, you’ll blunt your lust for the kind of adventures that make you feel fully alive. (2) If you become addicted to what you enjoy, what CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Do you you enjoy will mess you up. What do you think? In my dream have an unconscious belief that the forces of evil are loud, vig- last night, Jolie told me it’s the perfect astrological moment for orous, and strong, while good is quiet, gentle, and passive? If so, her fellow Geminis to meditate on the meaning of her tattoo. you’ll soon get vivid evidence that will contradict your theory. Are you secretly suspicious of joy because you think it’s CANCER (June 21-July 22): It’s the season of inevitably rooted in wishful thinking and a willful ignorance about the true nature of reality? If so, your suspicions are about high adventure. You have a sacred duty to flee your safety zones, wander out to the wild frontiers, and flirt with possibili- to be exposed as unfounded. Do you fear that when you’re in ties you’ve never entertained. To get you started, here are a few the presence of love and beauty you tend to become softhead- ed, whereas you’re likely to feel smart and powerful when suggested activities: Fly in a hot-air balloon over Tanzania’s Serengeti National Park; run with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain; sneering at the ugliness around you? Get ready to see an alter- go on a two-week meditation retreat in Pondicherry, India; read native possibility. Thomas Mann’s The Magic Mountain; give laughing lessons to a cat; make love on a mountaintop; speak the words you’ve been AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): A golden wanting to say for years. eagle with a seven-foot wingspan shot down out of the overcast sky and dived at my friend Maura’s pet cockatoo, which was LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Say goodbye to the ghost. It has perched on the branch of an oak not 30 feet from her back hung around far too long. In the early days, its teachings were door. Five of us watched with alarm from the outdoor table where we were sipping tea. We began howling, hoping to scare useful, but now your relationship is fueled mostly by habit. Besides, there’s no value in continuing to pore over all the sce- the giant predator away, and I ran to grab a baseball bat that Maura’s son had left lying near the tree. And then the unexpect- narios about what might have been. In order to banish this ghost, Leo, you don’t need to be cruel or angry. Simply inform it ed happened. The eagle did not attack the cockatoo, but settled that its work is finished, and you’ve both got to move on. For down peacefully beside it. Nor did the cockatoo flee. The two sat best results, perform a ritual that formally severs your tie. You there together like old friends for maybe 10 minutes before the could tie a string between two objects, one that represents you bigger bird flew away. In the coming week, Aquarius, I predict and one that symbolizes the ghost, then use scissors to cut the that you will experience a metaphorical version of this event. connection. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Your meditation for VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): What I’m about to tell the week comes from Friedrich Nietzsche. “The individual has you is always important to keep in mind, but it’s especially cru- always had to struggle to keepfrom being overwhelmed by the cial right now. If you think you’re too small and insignificant to tribe,” he wrote. “If you try it, you will often be lonely, and have a major impact, you’ve never spent the night in bed with a sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the mosquito. Let me put it a different way Virgo: In order for you to privilege of owning yourself.” This is an ideal time for you to put set in motion all the invigorating, far-reaching changes you now this prescription into action, Pisces, because during the current have the potential to initiate, you must believe you are as grace period you have the power to own more of yourself than impossible to fight off as a mosquito in the dark. ever before — and without getting lonely or scared. the shortest horoscopes I have ever written for you. That’s because there is just one simple message, which you should take to heart in a hundred ways. Are you ready? Trust yourself as you have never trusted yourself before. Trust your percep- tions, your feelings, and your body. Trust your bratty whims, your weird longings, and your momentary lapses. Trust your urge to merge, your itch to bitch, and your yearning to learn. Trust your ability to know exactly how to trust. 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De d ic a te d S ta g e fo r Mi n o r D a nc er s www.eugeneweekly.com Ca ll 5 5 6- 4 96 4 • 6 88 - 1 86 9 www.urbanshamanism.com Pick up Eugene Weekly at: Books Without Borders 199 W8th St • Eugene, OR 97401 @ The Strand LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Boanthropy is a type of HOMEWORK : It’s a shame so many insanity in which a person believes he or she is an ox. of us try to motivate ourselves through abusive self-criticism. Fortunately, you won’t suffer from that in the coming week. But Are you guilty of this sin? How so, and what will you do to there is a possibility you will contract a case of hawkanthropy, change? Write www.freewillastrology.com in which you imagine you’re a huckster who must hawk your personality, talents, and products like a Hollywood publicist on meth. My hope is that the warning you’re now reading will steer you away from this pathological condition. I assure you that it makes no sense for you to try too hard as you sell yourself. Let 1-900-950-7700 • $1.99 per minute your work speak for itself, and don’t interrupt. You can call for your Expanded Weekly Horoscope: Touchtone phone 18 & over c/s 612-373-9785 3 6 JUNE 30 , 2005 2004 Media Audit 92,000 Readers Always FREE NEWS • ART • CULTURE
