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About Eugene weekly. (Eugene, Oregon) 1993-current | View Entire Issue (Oct. 7, 2004)
BACK TO CAMPUS 2004 Daniel’s GO Huggyballers! Restaurant A view of Duck sports from one who flinches. MEXICAN-AMERICAN CUISINE • Excellent Customer Service • Tequila & Margaritas • Freshly Made Foods • Homemade Tortillas $2 OFF ANY DINNER ENTREE with this coupon. For food only. Not good with any other offer. Expires 10/21. by Kera Abraham 541-686-9888 685 E. Broadway S UN -T HURS 11 AM -9 PM F RI -S AT 11 AM -10 PM The Little Cafe That Time Forgot m 25 YEARS & still cookin'! Best breakfast in town. If we don't make it, we don't serve it. Vegans, Carnivores, Vegetarians we serve them all! 342-2075 • 395 W. 5th, Eugene • Open 7am, 7 days a week SHOES RIGHT HERE Brand Names Low Prices x BEST SELECTION OF THE HOTTEST SHOES IN LANE COUNTY SHOES FOR INFANTS ON UP TO MEN'S SIZE 18 Athletic Wear • Boots • Casual Dress Sandals • Backpacks • Hats • Clothes • Socks BRIN GET A G THIS AD N AD DITIO IN & NAL 10% OFF! ENTIR E PU RCHA SE K Swiss - Durant Everyday Price $50 Reg. Price $69 Lugz - Dispatch Everyday Price $50 Reg. Price $79 Caterpillar - Brick Oxford Everyday Price $45 Reg. Price $75 Phat Farm - Phat Classic Beamer Everyday Price $49 Reg. Price $69 EVERY SHOE ON SALE EVERYDAY! MON-THU: 10-6 FRI-SAT: 10-7 SUN: 11-5 811 WEST 6TH AVE. EUGENE (6TH & MONROE) LOCALLY OWNED• 343-SHOE (7463) 28 OCTOBER 7, 2004 I loathe football. It’s genetic; I have no depth perception. As a kid, every time we played a ball game in gym class — football, basketball, baseball, whatever — I flinched and ran from the ball. And in eighth grade, I was rejected at cheerleading tryouts. So, football fans, don’t take this per- sonally. It’s not you; it’s me. That said, football strikes me as a boorish display of macho aggression. Where’s the wit? Where’s the civility? Where’s the skill in a crew of beefed-up numbskulls loping across a field with a pigskin? Football is as American as corporate welfare. No other country has popular- ized a sport so oversized and bel- ligerent. Maybe it’s because this country is composed of lonely individuals; where we lack cohesive families, communi- ties and rituals, football gives us a sense of belonging. When our favorite team plays, we play — while sitting on our butts, drinking beer. When they win, we win — and cele- brate with beer. When they lose, we lose — and drown our shame in beer. In short, we bond. Here in Eugene, united by foot- ball, we are the Ducks. We wear green and yellow. We hate the Beavers and their pansy orange shirts. We sip cans of Budweiser and yell: Go Ducks! We drink another and scream it again: Go Ducks!! We pound yet another, elevate our doughy tushes from the stadium bench (or the sofa, barstool, what have you) and bellow: GO DUCKS!!!! We rump-slap our brethren. We fall off our seats. Awesome. I’ll admit: Top-heavy hunks bashing hel- mets only concern me so far as I can capi- talize on them. For the past several years, football games have only meant one thing to me: working home games at an off-campus bar, where I put on a short skirt and serve cheesy bacon fries to loud-mouthed, lecher- ous, lubberly men. I’m not saying that all football fans are men, or that all men are football fans. But there’s a definite correlation between the game and testosterone. Football season is kind of like a male menses, giving men an excuse to place the emotional over the rational. It’s a time to divulge vices. Instead of eating choco- late, men gamble, drink, brawl and ogle. Football isn’t even a semantically cor- rect term. In Spanish-speaking coun- tries, fútbol means soccer; the foot moves the ball. But in America, football players hug the ball to their chests and run with it. Maybe American football should be called huggyball. Then again, a football isn’t even a ball. Balls are spherical, while footballs are oblong and pointy like almonds. In the interest of accuracy, we should call the game huggynut. But the ignorant shouldn’t judge. Truth be told, every time I try to watch a game, I get distracted by the irrelevant details: the cheerleader blowing her nose, the fan barfing in the bleachers, the linebacker picking a wedgie. Lacking depth perception, I know that my view of football is shallow. And the game has a lot to offer Eugene. It amps up revenue at the university while enhancing student diversity. It brings money to the bars, which I summarily collect. It gives everybody hangovers, boosting business at local greasy spoons. So play on, beefy players. Drink on, squishy fans. Take a cab home and pop some aspirin in the morning. Go Ducks. EW
