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About Eugene weekly. (Eugene, Oregon) 1993-current | View Entire Issue (Dec. 31, 2003)
SANTA’S LIST REVEALED SECRET DOCUMENT SHOWS WHO’S BEEN NAUGHTY, NICE. BY ALAN PITTMAN Nice: Kara Steffenson, Claudia Ventura and Barbara Sklar of Friendly Neighbors for Peace. • Ted Kulongoski — The gov- ernor’s a Democratic disap- pointment, taking the back seat on tax reform, lobbying for industrial sprawl and even attacking the controlled- growth legacy of former Gov. Tom McCall, who called Oregon “demure and lovely” and said the state shouldn’t be “a hungry hussy, throwing herself at every stinking smokestack that’s offered.” • Peter DeFazio — Santa delivered freight cars of coal to Washington, D.C., this year, but DeFazio’s strong stands against the Iraq war continue to a twinkling glimmer of hope in the coal mine. Y ou better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I’m telling you why, Eugene Weekly has ob- tained what appears to be a copy of Santa’s list of who’s been naughty and nice. The List was provided to this newspaper by Daniel Elfsberg, a disenchanted elf and anarchist activist for better working condi- tions at the North Pole. “It’s cold up there, but we still sweat in those workshops,” said Elfsberg, founder of the Elf Liberation Front. A source close to Santa was shown The List and appeared to confirm the authenticity of the document late on Christmas Eve. • John Musumeci — Gang of Nine founder and major funder who made millions off the PeaceHealth land deal, and who was major backer of the West Eugene Parkway where he hopes to cash in on land speculation again. • Eugene City Council majority — Mayor Jim Torrey and Councilors Nancy Nathanson, Gary Papé, Jennifer Solomon and George Poling and too often Scott Meisner deserve lumps of coal for the many lumps they brought Eugene including the West Eugene Parkway vote, protest ban down- town, unfair road taxes and killing the living wage ordinance. • John Musumeci — Gang of Nine founder and major funder who made millions off the PeaceHealth land deal, and who was major backer of the West Eugene Parkway where he hopes to cash in on land speculation again. “Goodness sake!” he said before his nose glowed red and he flew away. The List appears to be only a part of Santa’s comprehensive, worldwide edition. It includes mostly locals, is torn in places and many names appear left off. Here, in a major exclusive, is what The List reveals about who got gifts or lumps of coal in their stockings, and why we think that happened. NAUGHTY • Alan Yordy — PeaceHealth monopolist CEO who is moving Sacred Heart to a sprawl site on the edge of Springfield at a cost of mil- lions of dollars in higher local health care bills, higher taxes for new roads, traffic jams and spoiled McKenzie riverfront. 8 DECEMBER 31, 2003 • Sony executives — After taking millions in tax breaks and subsidies, they closed their disk plant in Springfield. • Jack Roberts — Head of the largely tax- payer funded Lane Metro Partnership, never saw a corporate welfare handout he didn’t like and is now lobbying for urban sprawl. • UO Athletic Department — The UO may not have its priorities straight, but with hundreds of millions of dollars spent for a new football stadium, posh locker room and now basketball arena, Santa knows these spoiled rotten guys don’t need any more pres- ents. • Jon Kvistad — The arrogant regional head of the GSA could have saved a lot of grief if he’d included a ramp on the tinselly new federal courthouse to begin with. • Ted Kulongoski — The governor’s a Democratic disappointment, taking the back seat on tax reform, lobbying for industrial sprawl and even attacking the controlled- growth legacy of former Gov. Tom McCall, who called Oregon “demure and lovely” and said the state shouldn’t be “a hungry hussy, throwing herself at every stinking smoke- stack that’s offered.” • Jay Bozievich — The LCC board mem- ber in October rallied fellow anti-tax Republicans to try to stop the board from en- dorsing Measure 30 — a modest hike that, if it passes in February, will help save higher education from even larger program cutbacks in the future. Bozievich earned the dubious distinction of being the first LCC board member in memory to publicly oppose a funding support for LCC. NICE • Frank Stahl — In the true Christmas spirit of Peace on Earth, the UO geneticist lead anti-war demonstrators at the UO. • Tony Corcoran — Corcoran got a lump of coal from his union employer after he helped control spiraling PERS costs for the good of Oregon, but Santa did not forget him. • City staff — Those faceless bureaucrats who made sure Eugene got a wonderful new library and great new riverfront bike trail gave great gifts to the city and deserve thanks in return. • City Council minority — Although too often out-voted, Betty Taylor, Bonny Bettman and David Kelly continue to stand up for what’s good for Eugene’s environ- ment, democracy and the interests of the vast majority of its people. • Local activists — Hundreds of local women, men and youngsters volunteered thousands of hours working for labor rights, human rights, religious tolerance, peace, gov- ernment accountability, sustainability, the arts and environmental responsibility. • City Council minority — Although too often out-voted, Betty Taylor, Bonny Bettman and David Kelly continue to stand up for what’s good for Eugene’s environment, democracy and the interests of the vast majority of its people.
