PORT ORFORD, OREGON. POST
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PHE SUNNY SID] e o:F I.1 F] E
| Clean Comics That W ill Amuse Both Old and 1 row
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LALA PALOOZA
A Stooge for a One-Man Band
By S .L
B u t T a k e I t E asy
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POP—Food for the Sergeant Major
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By RUBE GOLDBERG
ONE OF T H E
AM ATEURS
N E E D S H ELP
W IT H H IS M U SIC -7 M U S IC A L
H IS P A R T N E R
D ID N 'T S H O W U P - _
W H O ’ LL V O LU N TE ER ?
MESCAL IKE
C L A S S IF IE D
DEPARTMENT
By J. MILLAR WATT
WNU
aer»«
BIG CITY BLACKOUT
The move for a blackout test of
New York continues, but this de
partment is against it. More people
would get hurt by the blackout than
by any enemy attack. New York
ers, as Elmer Twitchell pointed out
today, can't even get around safely
with all the lights on.
• *
•
And then, too, there's the question
of morale. What would a New York
er do if he couldn't be seen by
anybody?
• • • ’
What would happen to a genuine
Manhattanite if he suddenly found
there wasn't a
light on him or
near him? “ No
sir, it would nev
er work in a city
like New York,”
Mr. Twitchell in
sisted. “ Think of
what would hap
pen to the stamina of those thou
sands of New Yorkers who live in
night clubs if this blackout comesl
If they couldn’t find the night clubs,
they’d be in a bad way. And what
would be even worse, suppose they
got into a night club and then
couldn't be seen in ’em by the col
um nists!"
• • •
Mr. Twitchell was terrib ly worked
up. “ Take the matter of photo
graphs,” he continued. "Pictures
can't be taken during a complete
blackout. There must be a coupla
m illion New Yorkers who lose
weight and go into a decline if they
ain't photographed wherever they
go.
• • •
“ I f they have to leave their apart
ments without being seen, travel to
the theater without being seen, and
even enter it and leave it without
being noticed or photographed, can
you imagine what would happen to
their morale!
• • «
“ I tell you there are tens of thou
sands of New Yorkers who can’t
even sit at a dinner table and have
a cocktail in complete happiness un
less a snapshot is taken. Ask all
these classes to go a night in com
plete oblivion, and what w ill they,
do? Revolt, that’s what. And there’s
no telling how fa r a revolt in New
York by people who demand the
spotlight might go. I t might spread
all over America.
• • •
“ And there's the matter of some of
our big personalities. What would
be the reactions of Elsa Maxwell,
B illy Rose, Jim m y Walker, Dot
Parker, Tom Dewey or Mayor La
Guardia in a blackout? They’d curl
right up and expire.
• • •
“ The same thing goes for the rank
and file. What do New Yorkers live
on? Delicatessen
products. Where
do they get ’em?
Delicatessen and
drug stores. How
would they And
these stores with
out all those red.
green and yellow
lights on ’em? Why, they’d starve
to death in 48 hours. Blackout of
New York! I t ’s a crazy idea. Why,
the enemy could locate the city by
the loud squawks, wails, protests
and letters to the editor.”
• • •
OUT OF WORK
Silken frills and all their glory
Have changed their form er cate
gory,
For now m ilady’s lingerie
Is made of fiber from a tree.
Her stockings, too, from top to toe.
Are coal and a ir and H2O;
Alas, the erstwhile busy worm
Has nothing left to do but squirm.
—Kathryn Walter.
• • •
"WANTED. -Musician, teacher, ar
ranger. I compose songs daily. Pop
ular, patriotic, sentimental, sweet,
hot, sad, glad, comedy, unlimited
variety. Offer small part home,
meals, for spare time. Beautiful
private estate exchange arranging
my music. Male, female or couple
may form band, opportunity, near
Brooklyn. 6001 Neck Road.” —Ad
vertisement in Down Beat Maga
zine.
• • •
Would you mind running over it
again on the zither?
s e e
SUBWAY HATES
I ’d turn the heat
Upon the guy
Who keeps his seat
But gives the eye.
—Evelyn Bligh.
s e e
Ima Dodo thinks that “ Random
House" is a story of a five and ten
cent store.
• • •
TH ESE CHANGING TIMES
Mussolini now feels so small that
he stands on a table in order to
whisper in King Victor Emmanuel’ s
ear.
A rabbit was found scampering
around London in an air raid the
other day. That's easy to under
stand. A ll the underground room
was occupied.
s e e
Mussolini is reported thinking of
undergoing an operation to have h it
strut removed.
NURSERY STOCK
300,000 fr u it and nut trees.
70S
varieties.
F ree 40 page c a talog.
R oses, flow erin g, shade trees, etc.
T ualatin V a lley N urseries, Sherw ood,
Oregon.
STOCK FO R SALE
A B E R D E EN -A N G U S B U L L S A N D
C O W S.
J. A. Scollard, C hehalis,
W ashington.
OPPORTUNITY
"
Grow M ushrooms, cellar or shed. W e
buy. Guaranteed Market. Free Book.
Bona Fide M ushroom Co., D ept-A .
4944 Foster, Portland.
~
OLD GOLD
SE L L your old Jew elry and d e n ta l
gold direct to o ld e st and la r g e st re*
fin ery In N orth w est. You w ill p rofit.
Speyer S m eltin g & R efin in g Co.. 221
M edical-D ental B ldg. S eattle. W ash
ington.
same expert care used when
QUINTUPLETS
CATCH COLD
At the first sign of a chest cold—the
Quintuplets* throats and chests are
rubbed with Children’s M«’W Musterole
—a product made to promptly relieve
the DISTRESS of children’s colds and
resulting bronchial and croupy coughs.
Relief usually comes quickly because
Musterole is MORE than an ordinary
“salve.” It helps break up local con
gestion. As Musterole is used on the
Quints you may be sure you are using
just about the BEST product made.
Also in Regular and Extra Strength for
those preferring a stronger product.
CHILDREN’ S
MUMIE
Courage and Faith
There is a courage which is
only another name for faith. Many
a battle is lost before the soldier
leaves his tent. The first step to
victory is to believe that the battle
need not be lost at all.—Hugh
Black.
INDIGESTION
may affect the Heart
Osa trapped In the stomach or gullet may act like a
h air-trig g er on the heart. A t the 11 rat algn of dlatraae
smart men and women depend on Hell-ana Tab let! to
aat gaa free. No laxative but made o f the faitaet-
actlng medlrlnee known for acid Indigestion. I f the
F IR S T I>O8B doesn’t prove Bell-ana better, retona
bottle to us and receive D O U B L K Money Back. S8e.
Join in Hand
Then join in hand, brave Ameri
cans all!
By uniting we stand, by dividing
we fall.
—John Dickinson.
zMIDDLE-AGEs
WOMEN [£S]
H E E D T H IS A D V IC E II
Thousands of women
are helped to go smil
ing thru distress pecul
iar to women—caused
by this period In life—
with Lydia E. Pink-
ham’s vegetable Com-
__ ____ pound — fam ous for
over 60 years. Plnkham’s Compound
— made especially /or women—has
helped thousands to relieve such
weak, nervous feelings due to this
functional disturbance. Try ltl
Our Best Teachers
Instruction does not prevent
waste of time or mistakes; and
mistakes themselves are often the
best teachers of all.—Froude.
Watch Your
Kidneys/
H e lp T h e m Cleanse th e Blood
o f H a r m fu l Body W aste
Tour kidneys are constantly filtering
waste matter from the blood stream. But
kidneys sometimes lag in their work—do
not act ae Nature intended—fail to re
move impurities that, if retained, may
poieon the system and upset the whole
body machinery.
Symptoms may be nagging backache,
persistent headache, attacks of dicxineae,
getting up nights, swelling, puffiness
under the eyes—a feeling of nervous
anxiety and loaa of pep and strength.
Other signs of kidney or bladder dis
order are sometimes burning, scanty or
too frequent urination.
There should be no doubt that prompt
trea ment is wiser than neglect. Use
Doan’s P ills. Doan’s have been winning
to n y years.
year«,
new friends tor
for more man
than forty
nation-wide reputation,
They have a nat*
ended 1 by grateful people the
Are recommended
country over.
ir. Ask your i ntighCarl
D oans P ills
WNU—13
8—41
MORE FOR TOUR
• Head the advertisements.
They ere more than a »ailing
aid lot businase. They form
an educational system which
la making Americana the best-
educated buyers in the world.
The advertisements are pert
of an econom ic system which
la giving Americana more
lor their money every day.
E
Y