Dayton herald., June 21, 1901, Image 3

What are Humors?
D O G W 0 Â K 8 MIÄ ACER
Stern Parent— 8 0 you w ant to m ar­
ry m y daughter, eh? W e ll, air, what
have yon to lir e o a f
Young Brokeligh— I f I aueced in
m arrying her. I ’ll have you.
artist? "
’
ecauae he told me he was utterly
uraged and waa going to q u it the
»ion. I f th at doesn't show that
finished, I don’t know what
Hood's SarsapariUa
'That Mrs. Simpkins d id n ’t return
M i l ••
,
Ils Knew (ha Sea.
“Tbaeher— W h a t gender is the word
money?
Joh s ale— Fem inine.
Teaeher — Feminine?
H ow do
you make th at out?
Johnnie—W e ll, moony talks.
1
■ow’, <*®WB to n iy h m t d
Dedbroke— Pshaw, th a t’s
W a il t i l l your are down to
dollar of your last friand.
v
, Digb7 ’
•urprised!
T h e President who suceeds la setting
k ou re getting gray 1”
this measure through Congress, «rill hold
‘ •yes, yeaj I ’v got iota of grey hairs a high place in the esteem o f the people,
h at no higher perhaps, than the esteem in
and precious few of them. "
Laxative
Auxteus to Ssrvs. •
Lawyer— I t Is reported th a t you
have frequently expressed yon reel f as
opposed to capital punishment.
Deacon Highaoul (drawn for ju ry
d u ty )— I won’t have no scruples in
th at m an ’s case. H e cheated me on
a hose trade once.
I f you wish to keep in touch w ith
new things in photography subscribe
to Camera Craft, the best photographic
journal in the world.
330 Sutter
Street, Pan Francisco, C al.
which everybody holds Hostetter's Stom­
ach Bitters, This medicine gets a t the
starting, point o f the disease by acting on
the stomach, helping th a t organ in its
d uty o f digesting food. I t cures dyspep­
sia. Indigestion, constapatioii, stim ulates
the kidneys, and strengthens the nerves.
Be sups to try i t
r-~
by his owner.
“M y w ife and I came to Chicago
about four months ago from f f t Louie,”
heaaid. “Wo ta d bean married only
a abort time whan I loot my position
as a drag clerk. I tried for two weeks
to gat work a t a ^ U a d o f employmoot
but 1 was unable to Bad anything to
She (h a s tily )— I happen to know earn a dollar a t flo yre decided to pick
th a t you have proposed o two other up and come to Chicago. Upon our a r­
girls this year,
•
rival boro we got three rooms for 37 ,a
H e— Yea, dear, but I assure you it month and settled down to tan aekesp -,
was only out of compasión.
tag as soon as the furniture arrived.
“I t was right after the holidays that
we landed hern, and I found the drug
< r
The Truth Forced Hesse.
' I ’m afraid ,” sheaighsd, " t t a t l ’m
" M b s Strong,” ha began, " w illy o u
be mine? T h a t b to any, or— ”
She ta d knottd t a r fa ir brows in a
" W h y ? ” he asked.
"W h e n I go to the grocery now,
the clerks don’t nearly break their
necks try in g to beat one another in
getting m y orders.*’
" R r — th a t b , may I he youre?”
" Y e a ,” she said, w ith a a m ita
m d U b b N m gears.
" H a v e you ever had any triflin g ad­
ventures, Penelope?".
•’Tag. Once I stood oo th e a n a a t
aooueh to fix a window curtain, and
the
couch
acroee the a room
■
w s ^ e w ■ w with
s e re
CASTOR
IA
Ihr latente and (UHM*—,
Tbi KW Y m H m Always BU|U
Opens te r Mesoa June t t , 1901.
Col. J. F. Harvey, Manager
siaiia.A»J
*
At' * .
Ma
« w
J
f
“ W h a t we want to do,” said
worried man, “ b to take money
of politico.”
■W ell,” snsnsiiil flm otor
ghum, " I have done m y beat in
direction. I have taken four or
thousand dollars out of it up to
" I would like to sell you an auto­
mobile. ”
" I ’d like to buy it, too, but I can't.
in the ceil bouse?
Guard— T h a t embezzler says
he M y daughter has just cabled me th at
won 't stay any longer if he can’t have she has married the D uke De No-
creases in his trousers and raglan' coy n e.”
Shoulders iu his coat.
th e
out
Sor­
th a t
five
the
TH M “MONTXRXY”
of
oaffoo».
M o « beautiful and pertrctly equipped rum ­
mer reeort. gvery oonvenlenoe undeom fort.
Free b«a from hotel to aurf. Bathing, Baking,
dancing, bowling.
A splendid hotel w ith
lovely surroundings. Under new management
thle year. For ratrs end reaervatlone address
M T U . F L A M U . FfovwA O s*.
P ito ’s C ure fur Consum ption is an hifiat-
llble medicine fur coughs and colds.— N.
W ^3* mczl Ocean Grove, N. J., Fab. 17,
toagsrity ef Qnssa's T u b Bssr srs.
A ll the eight Indies who acted as
train bearers to the queen on her wed­
Hostees Te.ir me, the con venation ding day, 83 yean ago, are s till alive.
in flagging.
W h a t oan we do to AU save orifi are married. The Lady
amuse o ur gueeta? ____ *.
V icto ria Howard is the onq exception.
Host— I don’t know, unless we
leave the drawing room for a few m in ­
utes and give them a ehanoe to ta lk r e q t e r js it s r s f S is S r e i e f Y f j . cnam nr A w T
about us.
deter bnstossa hi the C ity of Toledo, Coauty
BESWni
Her Ailments Gone.
PRANK J. CHKNKY
ms sud subssribed ta * ;
Ne Change.
* “There has been quite a change in
Backbite, hasn’t there?"
“ ’ How so?"
" H e has taken to driving a motor
" I can’t see th a t th a t’s any change.
H e w ill s till continue to run down
his neighbors.’ ’
Aocnracy above everything else is
needed in photography.
Our new
balance scale weighs a grain as easy
ao an ounce. Price 88.06.
A t deal­
ers, or K irk , Geary A Co., 330 Sutter
S t., San Francisco.
Wanted a Clear Understanding.
" I am sorry, s ir,” said the surgeon,
but-we s ta ll have to perform an oper­
a tio n .”
“ T hat c ity man th a t was visiting
" I know you’re not sorry, doctor,” me is an overrated cuse,” remarked
said the man w ith the appendicitis. the fanner.
“ You are glad. A nd now we under­
" H o w so?”
stand each other, doctor, you oan go
"O h , the papers all said he was a
ahead.”
great hand at watering stock, but I
found he couldn’t work the pum p five
minutee without lameing his a rm ."
Teak the Blew.
" T o th in k th a t an Am erican ban­
ner should ever stand a blow w ithout
returning it.
~’
H e— B ut why do you want me to
"W h e n did th a t happen?"
ask Binnleigh to the house?
" T o the weather bureau storm flag
She— W h y do you wear your medal?
in the last cyclone. ”
H e — I t represents th a t victorious
campaign I went through before we
married.
She— So does he.
Over 3,000,000 miners are required
to produce the world’s supply of coal.
O f this number, 88,660 are employed
in Great B ritain and 401,330 are em­
H e — Cisaie, I ’ve heard i t said th a t
ployed in the United States.
a kirn without a moustache is like sn
' egg without salt. Is th a t so?
| She— W ell, really, I don’t know,
asked the spiritualistic I can’t tell, for, you see, I ’ve never—
ir’s next door neighbor,] H e — Ah, now I
nees?”
'
She— Never eaten an egg without
«*“ • ”
-
ta lk
; tt"
B uy THE McCORMlCK
w ta t was going on.
I brought him
down to Madison and Dearborn streets,
and I w a s n ’t th e re tw o hours b efo re I
told him. H o b such a prettily marked
little fellow that everybody who pass­
ed stopped to look a t him. I set a
price of glO ea him, because I knew
nobody would pay more than th a t
More than fifty persons asked me the
price and when I would tell them they
would walk away, saying, <he*B a nice
Ao*. but I don’t
don't m
m to
t o pay
n a w t that
hat m
iw » h '
dog.
cure
much?
I Anally came down to |5 , because the sand of them planted In the aqnaraa and
wife waa sick and In need of medicine, I b o o l f t a n d
and I thought beat to get tt as noon as buttonwoods. Tito trees o f Paris a w
possible. A woman w ith gold-bowed numbered, foot like the people, the
spectacles bought him and took hint iretre, the animals, the lampposts end
home. I didn’t ask her where she liv­ the matches. Those tamo ehootnnto
ed. and I don’t know to this day.
hove only boon doing thia trick for
“T he second day after that the dog about five years, and only some o f thorn
returned borne. Where he came from hkve mode o practice of I t These die,
or bow he got back I don’t know. M y or apparently die, in the latter port of
w ife was ao gutd to see him that the July, and oil the leaves ta ll off. A
forgot her sickness for awhile. She month or ao afterward they all come
waa fondling the dog and talking baby ; out Into flower again and little green
talk to him when the thought occur leaves shoot forth continually until
red to me to take him out and sell him they are nipped by the flret fro s t There
again. ’Maybe he’ll ran away from bla la a reason for thia, and the scientists
next master and come back to us w ork e d o ver the m a tte r fo r a long
again*. I said to the wife, and we both time to be able to explain t t Briefly
laughed heartily. I took the dog down and unscientifically, the trees lose their
town In the afternoon and bad no trou­ leaves because they are attacked by a
ble In telling him agaip for 35. The little fungus which Is blown upon them
next morning before we were up be by the wind; then, being still foil of
waa back at the little flat on Center sap, they start to put forth leaves all
avenue. H e seemed to underatand why j
he was being sold, and he expressed
his approval of the scheme by laugh­
ing and talking.
That may sound
rceeeeslng a savor all Its ow iv tea
strange to some people who do not un coma on scores of teyge cases full of
derstand dogs, bnt tt is a fact that dogs big, Iregular blocks of a bright yellow-
langh and talk Just the same as hnman colored root. “Rhubarb," says our
beings.
guide. Indicating It. “Ah! then It comet
“During the month of April I sold the from Turkey?’ we cry. Joyfully, glad
dog seven times, getting 35 for him to display our learning for once, but
each time. I f it hadn't been for him our friend smiles contemptuously.
we certainly would have been com­ “There Is no such thing as Turkey rhu­
pelled to apply to the county agent for barb,” he says. “and. what Is more,
relief. T he w ife was In need of medi­ there never has been.” All the rhubarb
cal attention, and It b probable she of commerce halls from China, reach­
would have had to go to the poorhouse. ing ns through Russia for the moat
The 385 1 got for the dog paid the rent part, but because In oldea days It made
and all other expenses, besides buying Its Journey by way of Turkey. It be­
a pair of shoes for me. I got a pool came known as Turkey rhubarb, and
Hon the flret o f May. and I gneas we Turkey rhubarb it w ill remain because
w ill have smooth sailing from now on. of the conservative tendencies of the
All the money In the world would not British public.-Good Words.
Induce my w ife or myself to part with
the dog, who really saved ne from the
poorhouee."—Chicago In ter Ocean.
JVoss Ms Mtassr font. * . te a t Mae- '
From Florence, R avalli county,
M o n t., eosnea a cheerful letter, th e
w riter of Which b w illin g to te ll how
th e obtained th e rich glow of health
to possess. Before she found the
right remedy she was in th a t pale,
emaciated condition which doctors
call anaomie, and which, i f hegleot-
ed, inevitably meant early death.
Mias M ay Sm ith, whom address is
without
woree u n til I was completely ran
down.
The least exertion would
bring on a very severe pain in the p it
of my stomach.
A t other times I
would have o pain in m y hood, some­
th in g lik s neuralgia.
M y kidneys
ering sensation about my
which would boat heavily, w itl
palpitation.
For throe year
under the care of two doctors, i
of whom seemed to know the
of my trouble. They treated :
dyspepeia, ulceration of the ah
good reeulta.
"T w o y e a n ago. w ta n I saw an ad­
vertisement in a St. Paul paper ol
D r. W illia m s ’ P in k P ills for W e Peo­
ple,
I bought a box and began
takin g them.
They helped mo so
much th a t I kept on w ith them
u n til I ta d taken five boxes alto­
gether,
and
became
well
and
strong again.
I gained in Scab
and they gave me a healthy color.
I have great faith in D r. W illia m s ’
P in k P ills for P a b People, and take
them every spring and fall as a blood
medicine and for the genera] building
up of m y system.
" I have recommended P in k P ilb to
many people who are suffering much
as I was, and they have all been bene­
fited. M y younger stater, whose skin
is p a b and transparent, b n o * taking
them to restore her color."
Signed.
M A Y S M IT H .
A t alt druggists or direct from
D r. W illia m s Medicine Co., Sche­
nectady, N . Y ., on receipt of prieo,
6 0 cents per box; six boxes 93.60.
Upped » Off. ,
Towne— Has he tent you a check
far your servioea?
Browne— Yea, h at i t isn’t for tta
amount I expected, although 1 a w l
him h b ill.
Tow ne—Y oo r w ritin g ’s bad. M ay­
be be d id n ’t decipher the amount.
Browne— I ’m afraid bedid de cipher
it. I wrote |1 0 0 very plainly, and be
The poison ejected from the tangs of the rattle-
-sl . e u M .
snake is not more surely fatal than the virns of '
Contagious Blood Poison, which pollutes and vitiates
the blood, deetroys the tissnee and bones and eats like *
a canker sore into the flesh.
This horrible ¿lessee appears first in the form e f a little eme or bli
the glands begin to swell, pimples break out 00 the body, the mouth 1
become sore, making it painful to eat or swallow; dreadful ulcere app
tongue, copper colored splotch«^ and other characteristic signs of Blc
came ae the disease prog ress es , and the d estr uctive virus takes deeper hoi
system. The medical men are os sorely perplexed over the character of
poison as ever; they tell you to taka mercury and potash alternately for t
but the stomach of no human bring can stand this treatment long I betid
not cure the disease permanently, ae thousands who have tried it km
plaint and aha had not gene forty feet
before abe rued this rash pledge to
appear in the role of a prosecuting wlt-
eyes in the backs of their heads
days
I Owing to her agitated reame e f
» waa not unnatural that she si
■ays the Detroit Free Preuu. H e w a e u t
first disposed to pocket the coin sad
the Implied reflection ou hte ability
to look after the Interests o f the com­
pany. but her curt request for the right
change was her nndoiag.
“This Is ne good to me,
he
seM. quietly; “It Is plugged."
Being address as “madsm” when she
docs not enjoy that felicity may have
Our 1901 Vehicle Book
Ov 1901 Imphneut Catalogue
iftcW I, M s K Slaver Ce.,
Ths perfection ol Wall Plsater, Is the only material
( .w lthw hieh repairing can be dene neatly and to stay.
w re re
S M * tt.
K r r t have sever uasd tt rend and g e ts trial
»0*. I t will pay you. For Information address
Chas. L. Mastick & Co. ’•
CASH BUYERS OF H ID E S , PELTS AND TALLO W .
Consignments solicited.
Pay highest market price. PRO M PT R ETU RN S.
Deslere in Leather and Findings.
Retar to Write, Fargo A Co. Bank, Portland, Oregon.
[RUSSIAN
' HEAVE
OWOERS
What Does It Cost?
W e have Just issued an excellent .little C at­
alogue on Fence subjects. Full illustrations;
all the newest Pence information.
A postal
card will bring it to you.
Portland Anchor Fence Co.
.743 Nicolai S t .i P o rtlan d , O r.
to oheerve, the situation waa perfectly
plain.
T h e Chinese sm iled b itte rly .
“Then you can bead or tael out of It.
after n l i r exclaimed they.
W e were le ft In no doubt whatever
that this waa a veiled sarcasm touch­
ing the decapitations and the Indemni­
ties, but we profceeed not to he In the
toast c o t—Detroit Journal.
' » A SUCKER?
f/z/rnTÄSKlm
A Uvteg Example,
" W e are what we feed o n ," quoted
M r. Hixson, laying down his book,
“ and I am w illin g to say the author ia
right. For instance” —
" I am already a believer.” Mrs.
Hixson iirtcrrupted. "Y o u w ill in ­
sist on having lobster for supper
^11111*
JOHN POOLB, Portend. Ongo»,
Fast of Morriaoa Stessa
Cas giva you
Buggies, Plows,
Windmills and
Maehlufoy. See
the hee( bargains in
Boilers shd Engines,
Pumps sod General
us before buying.