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About Street roots. (Portland, OR) 1998-current | View Entire Issue (June 12, 2015)
Street Roots • June 12-18, 2015 KINK, fro m page 4 News healing effect on her own body image. “There are times now where I can just setting, Stockwell rents out her own private lose track of how I feel about my body in play space near downtown Vancouver, that moment,” she says. “These things, like Wash., for about $200 a night Customers in high school, that I thought would always range from couples and poly groups to small be there at the front of my mind, ‘How fat parties. are my thighs? What can I obsess about on “Every once in awhile someone will have my body?’ and now I don’t have to do that all a birthday play party,” she says. the time.” In the front room, or “parlor,” a padded Today, “sexy” is an adjective she uses to spanking bench sits by a window and describe herself — even on her business tasteful art decorates red-painted walls. A cards. But for Stockwell, the kink lifestyle brown leather sofa and ottoman adorned isn’t all about being sexy and the act of with body pillows add an element Of “bumping juicy bits together.” She compares comfort. the endorphins released during a good It also features a wooden whipping post BDSM scene to runners’ high. affixed to a small stage-like platform. It’s , “That’s one of the main reasons I really good to have something to hold Onto when love BDSM,” she says, “when I am really you’re being whipped or on the receiving struggling with something - if I can push my end of “impact play/’ she explains. body physically - I get emotional relief, I get Walk toward the back of the house, and this feeling of release, and it’s wonderful.” there lies the “classic dungeon.” Standard As erotic as BDSM may be, not everyone dungeon equipment furnishes the room - a mixes it with sex. “Some people might massage table to the right and a sling that compare getting a really heavy flogging to hangs from ceiling. “It’s a hammock for getting a deep massage, because our bodies fucking, pretty much,” says Stockwell. Full- react in similar ways,” she says. “For some length mirrors line the walls. The only thing folks it’s a spiritual path, there’s catharsis/’ missing, she says, is a St. Andrew’s Cross, a Historically, BDSM appears in many tall X-shaped crux used to restrain a religions as a way of challenging the body submissive participant at the ankles and fqf spiritual enlightenment, Stockwell tells wrists in a spread arm and spread eagle the studehts. position. The self-deprivation of Buddha, the self In the back of the house, is Stockwell’s and public flogging practiced throughout favorite play space: the medical room. It’s Christianity and the use of cat o’ nine tails bright, white and sterile, but it’s no ordinary during prayer in some strict monastic doctor’s office. Stainless steel instruments orders of the Roman Catholic Church - like lie on a shelf next to a gynecologist’s chair. 1 the Opus Dei monk, Silas, in Dan Brown’s It’s in this room she says, she practices novel, “The Da Vinci Code.” These are all needle play and enema play. Stockwell is “so incredibly out” when it comes to her kink, she’s even taken her “As soon as you get outside parents On a tour of her dungeon - but they the major urban areas, were forbidden from opening any cupboards Wrv's still a lot of risk, , or drawers. She didn’t feel like explaining W there are still places what the needles were for. where you can Ipse custody “I’ve come out to (my parents) for so of your kids - you 'can lose many reasons and in so many different ways tg u r job,* sags- Annamarie over the years,” says Stockwell. “I’ve always %gtoduw8, -standing here been a little bit more sexually oriented than Bx/ lb her whipping post, my other family members, or than most -IfPsPil-i lived where Ion people that I knew.” Z Would never be as Born and raised in rural and conservative ■iias fa m ubwfj areas of Michigan, Stockwell says growing , up, she didn’t know how to categorize her fantasies - but she did know she should probably keep them to herself. Her mother, Gwen Stockwell, a school psychologist, says her daughter was always very inquisitive, with a different way of looking at things. She’s been supportive of Stockwell’s polyamorous relationships and kinky lifestyle, “There’s always something new,” she says. “She keeps us on our toes.” When Stockwell moved to the Portland area in 2004, she was in her element. “I finally found people who were exploring queer politics and queer lifestyles, found people who were actively and healthfully exploring polyamory,” she says, “the kink community here is amazing.” While not all poly people are kinky, and not all kinky people are poly, she says there is a significant overlap between the two communities. As Stockwell walks back and forth in front of her audience at PCC, she exudes confidence and authority; her inner dominatrix is apparent. It’s a confidence BDSMhas helped nurture. She says watching people be present in their naked bodies had a deeply Page 5 examples of using BDSM activities in spirituality. And then there are those who find relief from chronic pain by subjecting themselves to intentional pain. Stockwell says she finds relief from her own chronic nerve pain for several days after engaging in BDSM play. “If I’m bottoming to a flogging or to any number of things, my chronic pain actually eases up because my body does all this great endorphin stuff and releases all these chemicals that make my body feel better - and I know I’m not the only one.” While Stockwell identifies as kinky just as much as she identifies as queer, she says it’s not a protected status. ‘‘As soon as you get outside the major urban areas, there’s still a .lot of risk, and there are still places where you can'lose custody of your kids - you can lose your job,” she says. “If I still lived where I?m from, I would never be as out as I am now.” Her partner, Kat, owns and operates a side business selling sex toys made out of recycled rubber. She has to. keep a low profile or she risks losing her day job. For this reason, Stockwell asked we omit her last name. Oregon’s freedom of expression laws make it a pretty kink-friendly place, says Stockwell, but that isn’t the case in every state. “There are places where people can be and have been prosecuted for assault even if everything is consensual,” she says. According to NCSF, even when consensual, BDSM activity is frequently “prosecuted under state criminal laws dealing with assault, aggravated assault, sexual assault or sexual abuse.” Stockwell considers much of what she does to be sexual activism. Through education she hopes to help demystify BDSM by correcting misnomers and emphasizing safety and consent One common myth, she says, is the notion that people into kink are trauma and abuse survivors. “Abuse is so rampant in our community,” she says, “it doesn’t matter what subculture you look at, there’s going to be people that have experienced abuse. It’s not connected in that way we think it is.” She also emphasizes the importance of full consent, safety and proper etiquette. For example, it’s considered very bad etiquette to ask someone at a munch or play party about the details of their professional or family life. . “Ask them what size cock they like up their ass, absolutely, but don’t ask them where they work,” says Stockwell. Play parties, she says, can vary. There might be a theme, like rope or role playing. And it’s not a free-for-all — most people play with their partners or people they’ve played with before, she says. Some people go to socialize, some to play and some to watch. Parties usually dedicate spaces for different activities/because, says Stockwell, you don’t want to “have somebody chitchatting about their mortgage” right next to somebody who’s trying to enjoy “a really good single- tailing.’^ Also off limits? Touching other people’s toys, slaves or other human property without permission. As medieval and mystifying and as BDSM’s facade participants take it light-heartedly. Her ! partner’s safe word is “French fries,” and the reality is, she says, “A lot of times we’re laughing our asses off while we do this stuff.” IO ® S T \ * *' M W Select Portland Kink Events PDX Queer Munch First Thursday of each month 5:30 p.m. Radio Room 1101 NE Alberta S t Talking Kink Discussion panel Fourth Monday of each month Q Center 4115 N Mississippi Ave. Expanding your BDSM Experience Class taught by Annamarie Stockwell ($20) Thursday, duly 2,7:30 p.m. SheBop 909 N Beech S t SPEEC Launch Party Saturday, duly 18,7 p.tn. Red Rose Ballroom 1829 NE Alberta S t Oregon Leather Pride Week duly 31 to August 9 visit: oregonleatherpride.org P H O T O B Y E M IL Y GREEN
