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About Street roots. (Portland, OR) 1998-current | View Entire Issue (April 1, 2014)
street roots April 1, 2014 Is it really true love? Only Dr. Strangelove knows Dr. Strangelove is a well-respected, lothario who has enjoyed the company o f m a n y a fin e evening worker. H e appears here courtesy o f the Southeast Exam iner. Dear Dr. Strangelove, I recently started a fantastic relationship. My partner asked me if there were things that I absolutely needed in a relationship. I responded by saying football Sundays. I communicate that I not only needed it, but I craved it. He told me that it was fine and it would be a day that he could spend with friends. The problem is football season is months away. How do I know he’s telling- the truth? - , -S lo b Dear Slob, This one is easy. Simply bfty a bunch of junk food and wake up early next Sunday. Nestle in on the couch and don’t move for the next 12hours. If your partner isn’t pleased with you and loses patience, well then, there you go. Dump him right there and then. Believe me, Slob, it will be easier-this way. If your partner is supportive, start planning your wedding, ASAP. Dear Dr. Strangelove, Lately, my boyfriend of three years doesn’t seem, that interested in me. We started off strongr but it’s fizzled quickly. I think he’s the one, but I ’m looking for tips to reignite the flame we once had. Do you have any advice? — Fizzling Dear Fizzle Pants, Yeah, Fizzle, I have some advice for you. Go home tonight and smack the shit out of him. Let him know that if he doesn’t stop watching porn instead of paying attention to your sizzle pants then he can hit the road. Adios. r Goodbye, so long. It’s been nice to know you. Do you really think this guy is “the one”? No. Hell no. No, no, no, no. . Dear Doc, I recently came out of a really long relationship and I don’t know i f I ’ll ever be able to love again. Do you have any advice? *— Heart Broken . Dear Heart Broken, Strange, I’ve never heard that one before. Five words. Love hurts. Get over it Dear Strange, I ’ve recently been, having thoughts about my best friend’s partner. Every time were together, it just feels like magic. I know I should stop thinking about it, but I can’t. Advice? — Wondering Thoughts Dear Home Wrecker, Jesus H. Christ. You are a real doozy. How do you really think this one’s going to end up? Magic? Not. After you rip the heart out of your friend’s chest followed by months of drama and having your crush lose all interest in,the process, you’ll be left:staggering down the street drunk and alone, not knowing how and why it all happened this way. But here’s, .. the thing, That’s how it’s going to happen. My advice to you. is to stop writing me such trivial nonsense and get a life. Dear Love is Strange, I think I ’m falling in love. I have a feeling that this relationship is special and may be the one. How do I really know? — In Love Dear In Love, Yawn. Next. Heard it before. Shit o r get off the p o t It’s all the same fo me. GRAND O f'A D V IC E "We cannot have any stupid comments this year. No stupid comments. Please think before you make pithy, obnoxious comments.” X - Conservative author Kate Obenshain a t the Conservative Political Action Conference in March The Doc's top 10 tips for dating 1. Being able to connect to the past is really important Constantly bring up intimate aspects about past relationships, preferable over dinner in a public space. 2. Independence in a relationship is absolutely critical. Describe' how quickly domesticity has historically killed your love life, - 3. Communication is key to any healthy relationship. Bring your mobile device everywhere. Check your e-mails, texts and Instagram account while your partner is trying to talk to you. 4. Being able to publicly display your love for each another goes a long way. Change your Facebook status to being In a relationship after the first week and see how your new love responds. - J ' , . 5. Knowing that your future partner will be able to handle you is key On the first date, pull out a handful! of lists and ask your partner questions about how he organizes his personal life. 6. Being open to go on romantic getaways is central to most healthy relationships. Let your date know that you're a workaholic and how much you hate to travel, 7. Honesty is the best policy. Tell your date you've never been able to remain in a healthy relationship for more than a year. 8. Identifying a partner who can share the load will go a long way. Ask your date if he or she can foot the bill, communicating that you'll get the next one. 9. Knowing you'll be able to be yourself in intimate situations is one of the most important things to know going into a relationship. Pass gas on the first date. Make sure you say excuse 10. Last, but not least: confidence. Explain to your partner that you have none and it's really hard for you to take control both in life and in the bedroom. Try not toHootcthe person in the eye. RATSAPALLOZA, from page 2 recipe includes lungs and windpipes and. other things that don’t tend to appear in cut out ‘n’ keep recipe cards. Ingredients: 1 sheep’s pluck, i.e. the animals heart, liver, and lights (luiigs). Cold water. 1 sheep’s stomach (empty), lib'lightly toasted pinhead oatmeal (medium or course oatmeal). , 1-2 tablespoons salt. 1 level tablespoon freshly gfound black pepper. 1 tablespoon freshly ground allspice. 1 < level tablespoon of mixed herbs. 8oz finely chopped suet. 4 large onions, finely chopped, (lemon juice (or a good vinegar) is sometimes added as well as other flavourings such as cayenne pepper) Directions: Wash the stomach in cold water until it is thoroughly , clean and then soak it in cold salted water for about 8-10 hours. Place the pluck in a large pot and coyer with cold water. The windpipe ought to be hung over the side of the pot with a container beneath it in order to collect any drips. Gently simmer the pluck for approximately 2 hours or until it is tender and then leave the pluck to cool. Finely chop or minCe the pluck meat and then mix it with the oatmeal. Add about half a pint of the liquor in which the pluck was cooked (or use a good stock). Add the seasonings, suet and onions, ensuring everything is well mixed. Fill the stomach with the mixture, leaving enough room for the oatmeal to expand into. Press out the air and then sew up the haggis. Prick the haggis a few times with a fine needle. Place the haggis it in boiling water and simmer for approximately 3 hours. -
