Street roots., March 14, 2014, Page 13, Image 13

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street roots
March 14, 2014
Don’t be a bully, from Oregon’s 2014 Teacher of the Year
BY BRETT BIGHAM
B rett Bigham is,
Oregon’s Teacher o f
the Year fo r 2014.
This is the latest in a
series o f columns on
marriage equality in
Oregon
C O N T R IB U T IN G W R IT E R
T T Then I was 15, niy best friend killed
l / l / himself. He was gay.
» »
Jack probably felt alone. He was
not. In Oregon, one out of five gay, lesbian,
bisexual or transgender teenagers have
attempted suicide in the last year, according
to the Oregon Safe Schools and
Communities Coalition’s 2013 report. Over
30 percent of teens that commit suicide are
gay — but those are the ones who have said
they are gay. I think the figure is closer to
50 percent of teens who kill themselves are
gay.
Jack had heard over1 and over again, from
many different people, that he was not okay.
And like many gay teens, myself included,
he started to believe it. It is hard to accept
and love yourself at any age.lt is especially
hard when you’re a teenager.
Today’s teens are no different They are
still children. They believe what others say
about them, especially authority figures like
teachers and lawmakers. Every time we
have a discussion or hear a television debate
about whether gay people deserve equality,
it puts their identities bri the line, creating a
pressure they don’t desérve, emboldening
bullies who attack them. Legislators and
anti-gay groups do the same thing when '
they push for discriminatory policies.
That’s why I’m particularly concerned
about the latest discrimination measure
being promoted by anti-gay activists. The
initiative would allow businesses to deny
commercial services to people because of
who they are and whom they love. Treating
people differently because of who they are
is discrimination, and discrimination
measures like this one have no place in
Oregon,
f remember how it felt to get bullied for
my sexuality. I remember not knowing how
to fight back or stand up for myself. Now
that I’m older and more comfortable in my
skin, I realize young people are still being
bullied because of who they are. By being
who I am, l am sending a message, and that
message is you can be anything you want.
You can work hard and be part of society,
and somehow, somewhere you’re going to
find the will to stand up for yourself if you
need to. Or if you’re lucky enough to be a
person like me, you get to speak up for
other people.
In this country, we raise our kids telling
them you grow up/you fall in love and you
get married. We teach that to every, child.
And it is damaging to a gay person’s self-
identity to reach the age that you fall in
love, but you’re not allowed to fulfill that
dream that every child is raised with. I don’t
feel it’s right to deny something that we
Teach children is normal and necessary.
As Oregon’s 2014 Teacher of the Year, I
speak up for kids.* But I also speak up fot
their parents. The gay and lesbian parents I
see are loving and devoted. We have a lot of
kids who are raised in foster care, where
everyone in your life is basically.paid to be
with you. We also have kids raised in gay
and lesbian-households, full-of-love. Nobody
should be putting limits on that. They
should just be grateful these children have
loving homes where they can thrive.
In the early‘20th century, the Oregon
legislature passed a bill that people could be
castrated for gay behavior. Since then, we’ve
seen a huge shift. More and more
Oregonians understand that love isn’t
something that should be decided at the
ballot box. I want the freedom to marry in
Oregon. I want to get married in my own
home. I shouldn’t have to go to the Holiday
Inn in Vancouver to marry my partner of
seven years. Neither should my students
when they grow up.
To me, it’s simple. Gay people pay taxes,
vote, serve in the military and pay into the
same system as everyone else. They
shouldn’t be singled out for unfair
treatment. No one should be told it is illegal
to marry the person they love, and no one
should be turned away from a business
because of who they are. Freedom means
freedom for everyone.
Dad
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Now more a t p’Sace with grudges and judgement.
And feeling new wisdom within me,
We started a conversation in his truck.
I felt good about being alive and about visiting with him.
(The Greyhound to Tacoma had been full of questions
about how it would be.)
I had a lump in my throat.
(When I was younger there was always an uncomfortable silence
beìween us that was next to impossible to break. Too much tension.)
In- the truck, on our way to his place, he opened up to me.
He fascinated me with stories about things he did as a policeman.
He talked about blackwater commercial diving
and all the dangers that go along With it.
•
He even talked a bit about being in Vietnam in the Navy.
And all the* nightmares.
For the first time in forever, I felt like a little child again!
I didn’t feel like a lost bastard or a step-kid anymore.
We spent 4 days in pleasant company.
It was almost as if the divorce had never happened
And like there had never been heartache and confusion or regret.
We didn’t have to get drunk to loosen up and talk.
We rehashed some of the painful past
And we actually were able to laugh
About a lot of things that would have previously made me feel
suicidal and homicidal,
I never thought that the. day would come.
When Dad and I could spend more than just a couple of disgruntled hours together
On a rare occasion before he would have to head back down the highway.
I never expected for us to be able to laugh and relax about things,
To accept each other.
So, in closing, if you have a Dad that is still among the living,
Take the risk of letting things go.
You only get one Dad and one life.
Peace.
re regular contributors to Street Roots’ content, as columnists, p
L ook fo r yo u r favorite vendor’s writings in each edition o f the paper.
-*r