Learning how to filter tragedy for a child’s view of the world
riday morning, Dec. 14,1 was in my
humans like my kid), I continued to struggle
old Volvo driving around Vancouver,
with the questions that are still new to me
WA, trying to find my colleague
as a late-blooming parent: Where and when
Alyssa’s house - her daughter, Sophia, was
will she learn of it? Am I protecting her by
selling me her barely-used “Pink Cadillac”
shielding her from what happened, or am I
bicycle for $50 for Ramona’s Christmas gift;
putting her in danger by not putting her
I was annoyed that I’d taken a wrong turn,
through safety drills? Do I keep her
anxious about fitting the bike into the car,
innocence safe - or must I share with her
trying to work out when I’d give it to
what terrible things happen, try to equip
Ramona since we couldn’t pack it along to
her to cope with the terrible?
the family holiday in Ashland. And then I
This being 2012,1 made a late-night post
turned on the radio. I don’t have to tell you
to Facebook sharing that I was at a loss-
what I heard.
was it OK to keep Ramona ignorant of what
I pulled over, and my mind ran to
happened? The responses were interesting
Ramona, and what she’d be doing at 1:30
and useful, contemplative, respectful. More
p.m. in her safe little school in Northeast
on that in a minute.
Portland — her Spanish lesson, playing with
It’s the larger national discussion that
AJ, the class bearded dragon, making a
disturbs me. A day after the shooting, NPR
collage with her best friend Twylo. I didn’t
hosted a talk featuring a gun control
go as far as imagining a sick, violent adult
advocate and a gun rights advocate.
entering that scene — the way you pull down President Obama has spoken several times
that blue screen in your mind when
over the last week, and the transcripts have
something is too awful to imagine. I bought
been published online, and people have
the bike and hid it in the basement, and
commented on his words.
picked up Ro. In the car, Ramona reported,
On NPR, the gun lobbyist said, “We didn’t
whistling through her missing two front
talk about box-cutters after 9/11; we don’t
teeth, “I practiced my hula hoop at recess!”
talk about banning cars after every accident;
So we talked about that, and who was taking we shouldn’t be revisiting the misuses of a
AJ home for the holiday break, and how
tool to deprive law-abiding Americans of it.”
stinky it was when AJ pooped at our house
These facile words, “Guns don’t kill people-
during our turn caring for him last weekend. people kill people,” grate. We did change
We listened to a CD instead of the radio.
everything about air travel after 9/11 —
My husband and I decided that night,
millions of people every year get scanned.
after dinner with Ro, bath, and reading
We made it harder to take down a plane,
Harry Potter until she fell asleep, that we
because that was a clear threat, as mass
would not tell Ramona about the shooting.
shootings are. And Americans are required
We couldn’t see what use it would serve
to complete serious training to get a license
except to make her afraid—this is, after all,
to drive. My Ramona doesn’t know about
the child who, having learned that hippos
any of this, but someday, she will. When
are dangerous if you’re in a small boat in a
she’s older, I can share with her my
river and bump into one, burst into tears in
frustration that after 20 children and six
e d u c a to rs w e re slain, th e re a c tio n of to o
the fear that she’d meet an unfriendly hippo
m an y p e o p le w as to ru s h to protecting the
in th e b a th tu b . Yet th e th o u g h t n ag s th a t
right to bear arms, even though those arms
she’ll hear of it — and how do we talk about
are too often leveled against our innocent
it if and when she does?
children, parents and allies.
The Newtown shooting is the first
President Obama said in his address on
terrible instance that I might have to
explain to Ramona, my crafty, healthy, roller Sunday, “This is our first task, caring for
our children. It’s our first job. If we don’t
skating, Chutes & Ladders-playing baby,
who is really not a baby, and old enough now get that right, we don’t get anything right.
That’s how, as a society, we will be judged.
to hear about things. I don’t know what to
say, among so much being said. I don’t know And by that measure, can we truly say, as a
nation, that we’re meeting our obligations?
how to say it.
Can we honestly say that we’re doing
The day after the shooting, before I could
enough to keep our children, all of them,
begin to grapple with the urge to swaddle
safe from harm?”
my 6-year-old in bubble wrap (many of the
Many people reiterated in the forums I’ve
victims of the Newtown tragedy were 6, like
scanned that gun rights trumped all. I look
my kid - missing teeth like my kid - newly
at my sleeping kid tonight. I’m puzzled.
minted, probably contrary, unpredictable
F
Melissa Favara
Melissa Favara
teaches English in
Vancouver and lives
and writes in North
Portland, where she
parents Ramona, age
6, hosts a bi-monthly
reading series, and
counts her husband
and her city as the
two great loves o f her
life.
Don’t we all want our kids to be safer? Isn’t
it obvious, here in Portland, a city whose
police force the Justice Department has
reprimanded and asked for reforms from
after multiple police shootings of the
mentally ill, that we have work to do to head
off tragedy with a better social safety net,
available treatment
for the mentally ill,
and limiting access to
the kinds of “tools”
that can leave many
I continued to straggle w ith
dead fast? No one in
the gHestioas that are s till
his right mind would
new I® me as a late-bloom ing
have committed
parent; Where and when w ill
Newtown. No one so
she learn of It? Am 1
ill could have done so
much damage so
protecting her by shielding
quickly without a
her from what happened, or
semi-automatic.
am 1 p uttin g her In danger
The first clear
by not p u ttin g her through
concept of death that
Ramona’s gotten is
safety drills?
how Harry Potter’s
parents died saving
his life. It’s to be
talked about. My
friends on Facebook had great, loving ideas
on the shooting. One said that, given the
escalation of shootings, it might be good to
teach Ramona, “If X happens, do Y.” One
said, “Bubble-wrap that girl as long as you
need to, talk when it feels right.” And one
shared how her Buddhist priest shared with
her temple, 250 including the kids, what
had happened, inviting a moment of silence.
This is what she wrote about what she’d
teach her kids:
“Life is fragile. Life is uncertain. Life is to
b e a p p re c ia te d . P e o p le a re not alw ays good.
T h e lo st a re to b e re m e m b e re d . T h e
desperate are to be treated with compassion
and attention, lest they become more
desperate. There are problems in
individuals and in our society that have
dramatic negative consequences. And it’s
always good to have a plan for
emergencies.”
We’ll get there. For now, we discussed
Harry Potter over dinner tonight. Ramona
remembered that Harry was alive and very
powerful; we remembered that he was so
because his parents sacrificed themselves.
“And they loved him so much, their love
saved him,” I offered. I wish that my love
could keep Ramona safe, but it can’t always.
We’ll have to talk about that.
,
good, local, food
ALBERTA
COOPERATIVE
GROCERY
1500 NE Alberta St.
Portland, OR 97211
503.287.4333
www.albertagrocery.coop
open to everyone 9-10 daily
■ ■ .
.
’ "’W
Pacific Power Wants to invest mo
money in coal plants witho
proper analysis of other opti
II
is good for your
and the r
Y„our membership gives us the power to
« a h t Pacific Power’s coal investments!
*
Support CUB today. ______
http://oregoncub.org/streetroots
AB B
/
2
'
'„2
C i t i z e n s ’ U ... t i l i t y B o oT a ÔY r tato d oxs
oregoncub.org/streetroots
Vendors are regular contributors to Street Roots content, as columnist, poets a nd artists.
Look for your favorite vendor’s writings in each edition
of
the paper