Street roots
10
April 1, 2011
PRODUCT REVIEW
If you’re thinking, you’re working too hard
BY DESTINY M ISTY
SPRINGPONY
STAFF WRITER
p | Ahe last few years have shown
a rapid emergence in new
X telecom technology. Google’s
recent launch of the Android smart
phone, with its Linux style open
source operating system has
followed strong and hard on the
coat-tails of the Blackberry and
Apple’s popular iPhone.
Countless apps and widgets for
these devices have improved our
lives, saved us time, and reduced
any need for us to think for
ourselves.
Why get stuck spending an extra
five minutes exploring, or risking
life and limb speaking to a
dangerous stranger when asking
directions? Never mind reports of
increased emergency room visits
due to collisions with telephone
poles. That’s just left wing
extremists trying to promote
Communist health care!
Besides, with the release of the
newest and most powerful yet
«STY* (Smarter Than You) phone,
by emerging corporation Tel-Con,
physical injuries are only a minor
concern. This is thanks in large part
to a new proprietary bio-monitor
application which will automatically
dial 9-1-1 if unconsciousness occurs
due to blunt force head trauma.
Other accidents are protected
against as well, such as heart failure
due to excessive fast food
consumption.
Other applications popular in test
markets include Stalk-buster, which
will seaich police databases for
previous arrests or restraining
orders for potential partners. You
simply add their phone number and
the phone will look up their history
in a flash and respond with a variety
of customizable responses, including
“surfer”, “hood” and “hipster.”
Developers of the STY super
smart phone say they’re working on
other useful applications for the
future, that are not limited to just
reducing the need to think for
State leads charge to support
unemployment with own workers
STAFF REPORTS
X
“Wasn’t
Me” app
will supply
an alibi if
accused of a
crime; “Daddy
Lawyer” will
intercept police
database inquiries,
thus preventing that
pesky warrant cheek,
and “eBribe” will allow
local judges to try to
compete for your money and
your commitment to ;
rehabilitate yourself.
All in all this product gets four
bars. It’s not for everyone, but
nearly all phone users eventually
find a reason to spend more money
on something they don’t need. If
that’s you, Tel-Con’s new STY is the
answer.
Drugs, hippy-types, inspire new Da Mo
I - STAFF REPORTS
is year’s state budgèt was altered
dramatically when state legislature
government buildings, as well as outside
union headquarters and gun club facilities,
sparked some outbursts.
X
i
TS
oneself, but removing all
need for
accountability.
The
§ ^ tRoots> F^ecutivfp Dire^qy., Israel
fu r lo u g h s o f s t a t e e m p lo y e e s , s a v in g
B a y e r, w o u ld n ’t c o m m e n t o n t h e u n fa m ilia r
hundreds of millions of dollars of state
funding. Each state employee will now be
limited to 7.5 hours per week. Oddly,
immediately following this vote was a
decision against allowing state workers to
collect unemployment benefits, in an
unprecedented second consecutive
unanimous vote.
In conjunction with this voting spree,
Street Roots has seen a massive influx of
new vendor applicants, many wearing suits
and ties with their SR laminates. Contests
for street corner turf near city and federal
habits of the latest spate of vendors, but he
did say that Street Roots sales have
increased from 11,000 per edition to nearly
11,022, given the increased productivity.
Bayer also noted that the interaction
between state employees and readers has
formed a positive relationship across class
lines. Efforts are being made to increase
Street Roots from being a bi-weekly
publication to a daily one, though with the
massive state employee furloughs, stories
and submissions are getting harder and
harder to find.
fauna of delight has developed. Animals
new garden theatre “Da Mo” has just with large eyes and soft ways move gently
around thè gardèìi. Park benches and tables
opened in downtown Portland
have been placed in strategic locations
showcasing the beautiful fauna and
flora of our city. Developed by scientists, where everyone can còme and share in the
a n m , unti" wty " imsuh w « w a uiuuiu w *"
On this opening day, terrorists,
t h e s p i r i t a n d m o v e m e n t fr o m ra in -la d e n
homeless, homeowners, gang members,
winter to the joys of spring.
business leaders, journalists, church
A life giving plant new to this area, the
members, immigrants, politicians,
igivo, has been planted near Pioneer
community workers, protestors, city
Square.
planners, security forces, and labor leaders
The myriad of rainbow colors can be
gather to share in the aura of the theatre
seen through the transparent leaf
and discuss how to create a place of peace.
formations and the buds take shape in the
Each asks the other, “What can I give up
form of spiraling pasta. Other flora designs
and still maintain who I am?”
can be seen while walking this serene path
At the Da Mo, Daily Movement Garden,
in the form of swaying trees and glistening
changes were made. It happened this April
bushes.
1, 2011. It really did!
In the midst of this floral masterpiece, a
a
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We tip our mugs to Coffee Bean International for donating coffee to Street
Roots and keeping our vendors warm in the morning!
Thank you!