*^1
■
Dear Uncle M ike,
Care to comment on the Men’ s Movement?
Snicker-Chuckle, Tempe, Arizona
Dear Ms. Chuckle,
Being hopelessly out o f the loop, Uncle Mike
was unaware that men were moving. It’ s probably
fo r the best.
The neighbors were complaining.
Maybe someday, after the wounds have healed, we
can all get together fo r coffee and celebrate being
human.
— t £ -------O
'WneShack^
J L
PACIFIC TRIM SALON
-
In Cannon Beach
Cannon Beach
Dear Uncle Mike,
I ’ m thinking about seeing a counselor but I thought I ’ d write you first. I ’ m
twenty-eight and have been married for two years. M y husband is thirty-three. He
is a good man and 1 love him but I ’ m worried he may be a sex addict. I enjoy sex
m yself but some nights I ’ d just rather not. I f we don’ t have sex at least five times a
week, m y husband starts asking me i f something’ s wrong. I don’ t think there’ s
anything wrong w ith me. A friend gave me a book on sexual addiction and a lot o f
the things it said fit m y husband. He likes adult videos, buys me fantasy underwear,
and wants sex at inappropriate times. He doesn’ t think he has a problem and says
he’ s ju st a very sexual person. He tries to be sensitive but that just makes it worse
because I start thinking it’ s me who’ s being insensitive. It’ s not a huge problem yet
but it could be. I ’d be interested in any thoughts you have. Do you answer
questions you don’ t use in your columns?
In Coaster Theater Courtyard
SAVE 20-50%
Established 1977
Featuring Northwest, California
& Imported Wines
Collector Wines From 1875
Through Current Vintages
Featuring Over 1000 Wines
Wine Racks, Glasses &
Wine Related Items
Wine Tasting
Every Saturday Afternoon
1-5 PM
Name W ithheld, Portland, Oregon
Different Wines
From Around The World
Each Week
Dear Person,
Popular psychology is popular because o f its ability to uncover rich seams o f
abnormality in people we thought were normal, ourselves included.
Like the
ferreting out o f witches, it can become socially addictive. Uncle M ike has no idea
which book your friend loaned you but he strongly suggests you return it. Given
that most men think about sex several hundred times a day, he doubts that a thirty-
three year old male who wants sex five times a week needs to be trussed up and
shuffled o ff to a treatment center.
A good w orking definition o f addiction is any behavior that a) damages
yourself, b) damages your relationships w ith others, or c) interferes w ith your work.
For a man your husband’ s age, frequent sex should pose no personal risk. Since
you didn’ t mention it, Uncle M ike assumes he doesn’ t watch naughty movies on the
jo b or embarrass himself by rubbing up against the coat rack in the presence o f his
coworkers. This brings us to relationships. Does your husband have any? Do they
seem reasonably successful? Does he have friends w ith whom he’ s not having sex?
Are any o f them women? As regards your relationship, does his interest in you ever
stray beyond the carnal? Does he seem to regard you as a human being? Are his
advances such that you need to fend him o ff w ith a cattle prod?
I f the fact that your husband enjoys watching videotapes o f sexual acts between
consenting actors indicates pathology, your book w ill surely have addressed the fact
that, according to industry figures, some thirty percent o f adult movies are rented by
women; at least some o f whom must not be sex addicts. That your husband buys
you the sort o f lingerie that qualifies as gift wrap is also hopelessly normal. Or at
least w ithin the bounds o f a society that includes the Victoria’ s Secret catalogue. As
fo r your husband wanting sex at ‘inappropriate’ times, Uncle M ike would need more
inform ation in order to comment; except to say that anything that frightens the horses
is definitely a bad idea. Reduced to first principles, which is to say the state it was in
before you read about what it might be, your problem boils down to your husband
wanting sex more often than you. Forgive him. The poor slob is young and in love
and, p itifu lly strung out on testosterone, probably thinks he arouses you as much as
you arouse him. Have faith that your attitude and his bitter experience w ill change
things. H opefully, it w ill take the form o f a compromise between two people who
love and respect each other.
Open 11 AM-5 PM ■ Closed Tues.
436-1100
124 N Hemlock
P O. Box 652. Cannon Beach OR «7110
On All Merchandise!
Featuring these brands & more
AVEDA
fu d g e
£
® frame«
Schwarzkopf
T |Q |
Stock Includes:
* Make-up
* Nail Polishes & Accessories
* Hair & Beauty Products
239 N. Hemlock #5 • 436-0713
Across from Osburn's Grocery
Dear Uncle M ike,
I have been friends w ith a woman for almost fifteen years. During that time,
we have both been in various relationships, never single at the same time. W e’ re not
now either. I ’ m not involved but she has been married for several years. We’ ve
always been very attracted to each other but, aside from an occasional hug that lasted
too long, we’ ve never done anything about it. Neither o f us are getting any younger
and w e’ re considering just going ahead and doing it. She has no intention o f leaving
her husband and neither o f us want to hurt anyone. We just want to complete our
friendship. I know it qualifies as cheating but as long as I ’ m not breaking up a
marriage, I don’ t know i f I think it ’ s all that wrong. I could use your thoughts.
D .L., Seattle, Washington
Dear D .L.,
What you need is a brain. Repeat after Uncle Mike: there is no such thing as
casual sex among thinking people, especially if one o f them is a woman. You are
about to have a form er close friend. I f either o f you has a more developed sense o f
ethics than a weasel in heat, you’ ll do the other one a favor by reminding them o f
life ’ s best piece o f advice: doing unto others in ways you’d like to be done unto.
Since you didn’ t mention any special understanding between your friend and her
husband, Uncle M ike must assume that, regardless what you call it, he would see
the tw o o f you sleeping together as a violation o f social contract. O f course, he’ ll
never find out because your story is different than the thousands o f movies built on
sim ilar plots. His ignorance, even i f it should remain intact, w ill still not guarantee
your bliss. D o this thing and you and your friend w ill never look at yourselves with
the sort o f pride and respect that make friendship possible. Unless, o f course,
you’ re not the kind o f people who have pride and respect. Or the kind who believe
that what goes round comes round.
¿4 V *
L ic e n s e d M a s s a g e T h e ra p y
Pain & Stress R e lie f O- D e e p Tissue
S w edish
R e laxatio n
L ife is extinct on other planets because their scientists
were more advanced than ours.
V A L O R E E G IF T , L M T
Reopening InderO ld Management
Bruce & Patty are back w ith vour old favorites.
Hours: I lam-6pm. Wed to Saturday
I lam-3 pm. Sunday
312 Pacific Hwy. So.
Zd 7 7 Î î
Long Beach
O V /
JJ
A/ew
5 0 3 -4 3 6 -2 4 2 5
P.O . B ox 8 7 2 • C a n n o n B e a c h . O re g o n 9 7 1 1 0
C
J
A Cheerful Presence in Manzanita
TrArirforniAtion
M assai
HAMLET BUILDERS, INC.
Beekq H art b . s ..
436-0679
Chris Beckman
I
*
CO NSCIENTIO US
Tim Davis
*
u m . f .
......... STARBUCKS & TEMPTATIONS
449 MAGAZINE TITLES
NEWSPAPERS & TOPO MAPS................
Open Daily 7:30 to 5:00 • 500 laneda Ave. • Manzanita • 368-7450
Swct>t»fi/SbUt»M - ArowiAtherAp^ - Retiti
Comfort Care - A.B.M.F. - M.CT.M.B.
AppoiMtvucMt. . . tot-7t*-*aro
P.O. Box 174 Totovana Park. OR 97145 CCB #4 1095
COMPLETE
ESPRESSO
S c rv ittg th è N o r t h e r n O re g o n co<M t. . .
CLEAN
I
urrà lift ewe m®. m