*^1 ■ Dear Uncle M ike, Care to comment on the Men’ s Movement? Snicker-Chuckle, Tempe, Arizona Dear Ms. Chuckle, Being hopelessly out o f the loop, Uncle Mike was unaware that men were moving. It’ s probably fo r the best. The neighbors were complaining. Maybe someday, after the wounds have healed, we can all get together fo r coffee and celebrate being human. — t £ -------O 'WneShack^ J L PACIFIC TRIM SALON - In Cannon Beach Cannon Beach Dear Uncle Mike, I ’ m thinking about seeing a counselor but I thought I ’ d write you first. I ’ m twenty-eight and have been married for two years. M y husband is thirty-three. He is a good man and 1 love him but I ’ m worried he may be a sex addict. I enjoy sex m yself but some nights I ’ d just rather not. I f we don’ t have sex at least five times a week, m y husband starts asking me i f something’ s wrong. I don’ t think there’ s anything wrong w ith me. A friend gave me a book on sexual addiction and a lot o f the things it said fit m y husband. He likes adult videos, buys me fantasy underwear, and wants sex at inappropriate times. He doesn’ t think he has a problem and says he’ s ju st a very sexual person. He tries to be sensitive but that just makes it worse because I start thinking it’ s me who’ s being insensitive. It’ s not a huge problem yet but it could be. I ’d be interested in any thoughts you have. Do you answer questions you don’ t use in your columns? In Coaster Theater Courtyard SAVE 20-50% Established 1977 Featuring Northwest, California & Imported Wines Collector Wines From 1875 Through Current Vintages Featuring Over 1000 Wines Wine Racks, Glasses & Wine Related Items Wine Tasting Every Saturday Afternoon 1-5 PM Name W ithheld, Portland, Oregon Different Wines From Around The World Each Week Dear Person, Popular psychology is popular because o f its ability to uncover rich seams o f abnormality in people we thought were normal, ourselves included. Like the ferreting out o f witches, it can become socially addictive. Uncle M ike has no idea which book your friend loaned you but he strongly suggests you return it. Given that most men think about sex several hundred times a day, he doubts that a thirty- three year old male who wants sex five times a week needs to be trussed up and shuffled o ff to a treatment center. A good w orking definition o f addiction is any behavior that a) damages yourself, b) damages your relationships w ith others, or c) interferes w ith your work. For a man your husband’ s age, frequent sex should pose no personal risk. Since you didn’ t mention it, Uncle M ike assumes he doesn’ t watch naughty movies on the jo b or embarrass himself by rubbing up against the coat rack in the presence o f his coworkers. This brings us to relationships. Does your husband have any? Do they seem reasonably successful? Does he have friends w ith whom he’ s not having sex? Are any o f them women? As regards your relationship, does his interest in you ever stray beyond the carnal? Does he seem to regard you as a human being? Are his advances such that you need to fend him o ff w ith a cattle prod? I f the fact that your husband enjoys watching videotapes o f sexual acts between consenting actors indicates pathology, your book w ill surely have addressed the fact that, according to industry figures, some thirty percent o f adult movies are rented by women; at least some o f whom must not be sex addicts. That your husband buys you the sort o f lingerie that qualifies as gift wrap is also hopelessly normal. Or at least w ithin the bounds o f a society that includes the Victoria’ s Secret catalogue. As fo r your husband wanting sex at ‘inappropriate’ times, Uncle M ike would need more inform ation in order to comment; except to say that anything that frightens the horses is definitely a bad idea. Reduced to first principles, which is to say the state it was in before you read about what it might be, your problem boils down to your husband wanting sex more often than you. Forgive him. The poor slob is young and in love and, p itifu lly strung out on testosterone, probably thinks he arouses you as much as you arouse him. Have faith that your attitude and his bitter experience w ill change things. H opefully, it w ill take the form o f a compromise between two people who love and respect each other. Open 11 AM-5 PM ■ Closed Tues. 436-1100 124 N Hemlock P O. Box 652. Cannon Beach OR «7110 On All Merchandise! Featuring these brands & more AVEDA fu d g e £ ® frame« Schwarzkopf T |Q | Stock Includes: * Make-up * Nail Polishes & Accessories * Hair & Beauty Products 239 N. Hemlock #5 • 436-0713 Across from Osburn's Grocery Dear Uncle M ike, I have been friends w ith a woman for almost fifteen years. During that time, we have both been in various relationships, never single at the same time. W e’ re not now either. I ’ m not involved but she has been married for several years. We’ ve always been very attracted to each other but, aside from an occasional hug that lasted too long, we’ ve never done anything about it. Neither o f us are getting any younger and w e’ re considering just going ahead and doing it. She has no intention o f leaving her husband and neither o f us want to hurt anyone. We just want to complete our friendship. I know it qualifies as cheating but as long as I ’ m not breaking up a marriage, I don’ t know i f I think it ’ s all that wrong. I could use your thoughts. D .L., Seattle, Washington Dear D .L., What you need is a brain. Repeat after Uncle Mike: there is no such thing as casual sex among thinking people, especially if one o f them is a woman. You are about to have a form er close friend. I f either o f you has a more developed sense o f ethics than a weasel in heat, you’ ll do the other one a favor by reminding them o f life ’ s best piece o f advice: doing unto others in ways you’d like to be done unto. Since you didn’ t mention any special understanding between your friend and her husband, Uncle M ike must assume that, regardless what you call it, he would see the tw o o f you sleeping together as a violation o f social contract. O f course, he’ ll never find out because your story is different than the thousands o f movies built on sim ilar plots. His ignorance, even i f it should remain intact, w ill still not guarantee your bliss. D o this thing and you and your friend w ill never look at yourselves with the sort o f pride and respect that make friendship possible. Unless, o f course, you’ re not the kind o f people who have pride and respect. Or the kind who believe that what goes round comes round. ¿4 V * L ic e n s e d M a s s a g e T h e ra p y Pain & Stress R e lie f O- D e e p Tissue S w edish R e laxatio n L ife is extinct on other planets because their scientists were more advanced than ours. 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