Dear Uncle Mike,
As one man to another, do you ever think a
significant par, o f premenstrual syndrome is self-
indulgence? Are women as out of control as they'd like
us to believe, or they just taking their suffering ou, on
us? Should they be indulged9 A, wha, cos,9
Victimized in Portland
Dear Victimized,
Because Uncle Mike doesn't believe in death and so doesn't fear it, he'll resist the
urge to pretend your letter never reached him. As one man to another. Uncle Mike would
suggest you stop asking questions like this. Premenstrual women can detect innuendo at
great distance.
Does Uncle Mike think PMS is partly self-indulgent? No. Uncle Mike thinks it's
altogether self-indulgent. It's from this its great horror springs. The lunar chemical
imbalance women go through, many would say entirely too often, evidently makes the
world, and every unsatisfactory and irritating bit of it, a personal matter. The way you
daub your mouth with a napkin can be, for she who yells, a snide reference to imaginary
weigh, gain. The formulas of body chemistry are no laughing matter, and this one seems
to prevent so much as a thought of self-restraint. The blurting out of lunatic venom and
accusation can be, from safe distance, a sight to behold.
You ask if our ladies of the moon are as out of control as they’d like us to believe.
Man to man. Uncle Mike dares you to find out. He only hopes they're as ou, o f control as
they'll get. As it is, he’s seen them do things that curled his hair and made him sleep
lightly. Are they taking their suffering ou, on us? Is this a serious question? Uncle Mike
has seen the chemically unbalanced take it out on furniture, small animals, and trees Any
portion o f the world will do, but the universal law governing the chaos of their emotions
seems to dictate that, the closer they feel to you, the more efficient the abuse gets. Should
we indulge them? If you've go, a better idea, Uncle Mike is all ears. Until then, he'll go
on indulging them whenever it’s no, possible to avoid their company. He avoids them
with great zeal and sees this as giving them their space.
Uncle Mike read a story once aboui a primitive tribe whose women would, in
response to mysterious inner signals, walk a short distance from the village and build a
small getaway hut. Uncle Mike sees this as genius, and wonders that any culture but
theirs has survived.
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Sometimes A Great Lotion
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Cannon Beach
Athletic Club
LlNGtRIE AND SLttl'VtAR V lT H AN tMPHA5l5 ON COTTON A N ) 5 0
27
SCI NTS Of PIR1UM OIL AND CUSTOM SCtNTlD MASSAGE OR., BODY
LOTION, AND BATH &
SHOVER O IL
171 Sunset Blvd.
iNCtNSt A f® CANIM.tS
Dear Uncle Mike,
4 36- 01& 9J
39 N. HtNLOCR C annon B ia c h OR
Let CBAC be your Athletic Club
away from home.
Come visit our exiting new facility.
Why are potatoes called 'spuds'?
CBAC Offers:
Robert D., Molalla
Dear Robert,
Christina Stanley RN, IBCLC
L a cta tio n C o n su ltan t
Before he begins, Uncle Mike would like to thank you for your question. Other
people ask Uncle Mike advice on personal matters the details of which he'd rather no,
know You ask about potatoes. Uncle Mike likes you.
Potatoes are called spuds not because they were invented by someone with a silly
sounding name, but because of a confusion. A spud is a tool, a tree branch cleverly
carved by hungry rustics. It has a long handle and a foot piece which, when pressed down
by the foot, makes a six inch deep hole in the dirt. The potato is, of course, what you put
in the hole. It's a funny world.
l<l
* Free Weights
* Shower Facilities
* Aerobic Classes
• Tanning
* Bikes
* Rowing Machine
* Treadmills
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Breast Feeding Assistance
Drop in rates available
Medela Breast Pump
Rental Station
503-436-1515
P.O. Box 201
179 C oolidge
C a n n o n Beach, O R 97110
(503)436-0161
’OXastle
C arp et
^ k a n in g
Dear Uncle Mike,
DO NALD THOM
Where do you stand on the issue of killing the rude?
Where ignorance is bliss, it’s foolish to
borrow your neighbor’s newspaper.
Frank McKinley “Kin” Hubbard, 1868-1930
Your bartender, Cannon Beach
Dear holiness.
Uncle Mike likes your question nearly as much as the one about spuds. Uncle
Mike is, dam, pretty much opposed to killing anybody. Not because he's nice, bu,
because it doesn't really change things. Like large caricatures of children, the rude must
be taught to behave. As a member of the service, or serv ant, sector of the American
dream, you're given many opportunities to deliver the teaching.
Within the guidelines set by the person able to fire you, never le, the rude confuse
you with personal staff. Explain, with as much charm as you can muster that you’re here
to provide a service, not to be the service provided. As a human, you’re not part of the
bill and any dealings you have with each other must be based on at least the appearance of
mutual respect. Without civilized behavior on their part, all bets are off. Assure them
they don't want to see that
Uncle Mike heard a nice story about a waitress who'd reached critical mass.
Leaning over the offending couple's table, she said in menacing, maternal tones, "Listen,
if we play together any longer, we're going to quarrel. 1 work here, so it's you who gets to
leave." A statue should be built to this woman.
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436*1114
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Who is Not Busy
Being Born, is Busy Dying. 3»
‘I have always depended on
the kindness of strangers.
Blanche DuBoiv
Bob Dylan
IM P« |O i h
Ifc M ?
^ s s ^ e e
L IC E N S E D M A S S A G E T H E R A P Y
R O S A L IN D
P.O. BOX 773
CANNON BEACH O« 97110
Gep petto’s
Acupuncture — Chinese Herbs — Massage
C U S A C K . LM T
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aiSSCfik
P O B O X 1224
C A N N O N B EA C H . O R 97 1 1 0
Shoppe
Bob Rice L.Ac.
(5 0 3 ) 4 3 5 -2 4 2 5
200 N. Hemlock
Cannon Beach, OR
P.O. Box 193
Cannon Beach, OR
97110
'J
436-1911
hr1
W her^ualit^an^raditionynak^dd^happy^
We learn from history that we do
not learn from history.
Georg Wilhelm Friedrich, 1770-1831
Spring is here!
A den iWhitaf{er-(Lnirich, ‘M i/ CT
MA P sychology,
April brings...
-showers for cozy days inside,
P h D H is to ry
C O M P U T E R C O N S U L T IN G
C o u n selin g: Alcohol. D rug, &
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F ir s t V is it F ree
T h u rs d a y s In C a n n o n B e a c h
(503) 224-3972
436-2467
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PC«
-warm sunny days for outdoor activities
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CHETH ROW E C O N S U LTIN G
P.O. BOX 192
CANNON BEACH, OR 97110
503*436*0211
CIS: 70754,2423
Niitwortc®
-Easter and baskets filled with fun
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Stop by and browse through our selection of toys, gifts, activities, books
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