m
r
Dear Uncle Mike,
Last m onth you said i f you were
a black lab you d be 330 in hum an
years I take that to mean you re
f if t y 1 just turn ed f if t y m yself
and I confess it's h it me in ways I
hadn t forseen. My hea lth is good
and a ll that (we won t ta lk about
prostrate, okay?) but I m sta rtin g to th in k in term s o f the old three score and ten and
how that leaves me (maybe) tw e n ty years Tw enty years ago seems like yesterday
Young women I d f l i r t w ith i f I were n t m arried are c a llin g me s ir Looking at m yself
in the bathroom m ir r o r is n 't as fu n as it used to be I realize that dreams I s till n u rtu re
are probably not going to be N o thing about my life has changed I have a w onderful
w ife a job th a t s more f u lf illin g than most, and grow n ch ild re n I love Suddenly, it
doesn t seem to be enough Is th is m id life c ris is ’ Is there a c u re ’
Feeling Old in Astoria
Acupuncture — Chinese Herbs — Massage
EAT
M ORE
C O O KIES
Bob Rice L.Ac.
P .O . B o x 193
C a n n o n B each, O R
97110
Cinnamon Rolls,
Pizza by the Slice,
Muhins, Espresso,
and Cookies
436-1911
Dear Feeling Old,
In te re s tin g word, crisis. What it means is a level o f energy preceding, often
im m ediately, a change in the p re v a ilin g order. Water in a teapot is in crisis the
moment before it boils Only those phobic about steam are bothered M id life crisis an
u n fo rtu n a te term coined by those h o rrifie d by tra n sitio n , should be celebrated w ith
a ll the fe rv o r o f a puberty rite Only a n itw it would look fo r a cure
So young women are c a llin g you s ir What exactly do you have against respect’
You are. lik e it o r not, a v illa g e elder The deal we a ll make w ith space/tim e is to trade
youth fo r experience A ll in all, it's one o f life s great bargains
Yes. Uncle Mike is 330 in dog years A lth o u g h he enjoyed a charmed and amusing
youth, h is po rtio n o f the hum an comedy didn t even start g e tting good u n til he h it
fo rty Chess, to say n o th in g o f life and love, is more fun w hen you know the rules
No. Uncle M ike is not th rille d w ith his stomach tone This o n ly means the scant
seconds he once spent in fr o n t o f the m ir ro r ad m irin g his neve r especially e xciting
physique can be tu rn e d to more productive use trim m in g his ear h a ir T ry as he
m ight, Uncle M ike can't m uster any pain and sadness from th is He is, in fact, happy
as a clam to have lived h a lf a ce n tu ry and would c h e e rfu lly open a v e in before going
back even to yesterday
As fo r dreams. Uncle M ike considers h im se lf the laughable re su lt o f h is No, they
ha ve n 't a ll worked out as planned It's as i f he set out fo r Oz, wound up in a cabin in
the ra in fo re s t and giggles a lo t at his luck In a spherical universe, the fu rth e r we
tra v e l the closer we get to home The o n ly dream Uncle M ike s till th in k s w o rth
dream ing is to be at peace w ith his w o rld At any age. the o n ly game in town is
understanding -- kn o w in g o u r place in the cosmic m inue t and dancing the best we
can Uncle M ike is reconciled to the fact he 11 neve r be John T ravolta He s shooting
fo r Robert Duvall now
Sudden feelings o f m o rta lity ? Where, Uncle Mike wonders, have you been? Yes,
Boobla. in terms m e a n in g fu l o n ly to the Am erican Medical Society, you're going to
croak It could happen, heaven forbid, before you fin is h reading th is Read the
papers, bucko Men o u r age drop over like pole-axed steers eve ry day o f the week and
Uncle M ike would w ager not one o f them saw it com ing At the ris k o f sounding u n
sym pathetic. so w h a t’ As Wendell B erry pointed out in M emory o f Old Jack . It is no
tragedy w hen at the end o f a life , a man dies Throw from y o u r m ind th a t pew ling
hom ily. This is the fir s t day o f the rest o f y o u r life
It makes more sense to believe
it s y o u r last day on the planet and behave accordingly I f th is doesn t keep a man
fro m stewing over the num ber o f candles on his b irth d a y cake, n o th in g short o f death
239 N HEMLOCK
Ph. 436-2832
H O P E L. H A R R IS
L IC E N S E D
MASSAGE
T H E R A P IS T
| C L A T S O P C O U N T Y W O M E N S C R IS IS S E R V IC E
3 2 5 -5 7 3 5
5 0 3 / 3 2 5 -2 5 2 3
w ill
Uncle Mike does, however, welcome the o p p o rtu n ity not to speak ol prostates
w w u
a
L
H
i l l
I I L iU U L L U N iU u U
f 1 ll'l'f
t 1
f !
«
H
-X.
Dear Uncle Mike.
. ■
I've got th is problem , o r ra th e r my b o yfrie n d does This woman at his o ffice is
h u s tlin g h im She w orks under him . no pun intended, and h e r behavior is obvious to
everyone J e rry (n o t his real name) has consistently turn ed down in v ita tio n s to
lu n c h and d rin k s a fte r w o rk He says he s made his tack o f feelings pla in but that the
woman just w o n 't take a h in t She's an excellent w o rk e r and Je rry doesn't w ant to let
h e r go. but the situation is ge ttin g on both o u r nerves Any suggestions'
P 0 d in Portland
E lita B ran d 92% C otton, 8% Lycra bras, panties
£r bodysuits. In black, w hite and undyed c o tto n .
Allison Rhea cotton nightgow ns w ith B a tte n b u rg
lace tr im . In s h o rt and long styles.
31 scents o f p e rfu m e o il - also used to scent
o u r lo tio n , bath £r shower gel and massage oil.
B rin g y o u r bottle back fo r a re fill andyouTl get
a discount!
Kama Sutra sensual
massage and body products.
I f y o u haven't visited us lately, you're missing a lot!!
S o m e tim e s A G r e a t L o t io n
239 N. Hemlock #3 » Cannon Beach • 4 3 6 -0 1 2 9
JJ
D earP O 'd
,
Uncle M ike always has suggestions That's w h y he s Uncle Mike
F irs t o ff, congratulations on b e lie vin g y o u r b o yfrie n d w hen he described the
flir ta tio n as a one-way street A lesser woman m ig h t call h im a ly in g dog and demand
he e ith e r fir e h e r o r fin d a new place to put h is toothbrush
.
I f y o u r b o yfrie n d Not Jerry, has not introduced the law in to his conversations w ith
th is woman, he m ig h t consider it I f h e r am atory behaviour in te rfe re s w ith his work,
it constitutes sexual harassm ent There s a good chance she has reduced his re a lity to a
success object In today's parlance, th a t makes Not J e rry a v ic tim
A n oth er tack m ig h t be to give the cheap hussy a call and ask does she have
photographs show ing h e r w ith a ll h e r fro n t teeth Explain that you regard h e r
behaviour as a personal assault and that any fu rth e r batting of the eyes could lead to a
nasty in tro d u ctio n to y o u r R ottw eiler
Letters to Uncle Mike can be
sent to: Box 1222, Cannon Beach
Or. 97110
The fault no child e v e r loses is th e one he
w a s m ost punished for. C esare B eccaria
fr
C N m o n
D e N cn
L IC E N S E D M A S S A G E
VICTOR H. PLUCY. m.fl.
THERAPY
Counseling Psychotherapy
Individuals, Couples & Families
R O S A L IN D C U S A C K , LM T
O R E G O N 8. W A S H I N G T O N
436-9225
41382ft.
P O
C A N N O N
B O X
1224
BEACH. O R
CORD UNTIL
DESIRED TEMPLRATURE IS
ACQUIRE 0. /FSRMTH/WOlS
CREENT E
W a s h in g to n S ta te License
NF 20000400
IN NER H E A L IN C
Christina Stanley RN, IBCLC
Lactation Consultant
Breast Feeding Assistance
(503)436-0161
EM PO W E R ED R E O U S IN 6
A R T IS T IC P ft OCE
Dirncun.. breathe thrdcw
A CDlD WET WASH CLOTH
AFTER. 10-15 MINUTES
TAKE A REST IN THE
R oom
K
THE STEAM
for another io
^ N F F IR REPEATING
THE CYCLE. 2 o K 3 T i MES
MINUTES REPEAT IN6-
THE PROCESS- USE
ENOUGH STEAM FOR
YOUR O W N LIKING-.
DRESSING R O O M .
A-AFTER TAICIWfr A FEW STEAM BATHS YOU W ill WANT
" to ADJUST the PROCEDURE To VOlMOW SATOFACT/OW.
WE HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL
Medela Breast Pump
Rental Station
12
_._-LF PLFAI7Y ^T N T E R steam ROOM.
„
____ UNDRESS IN
YOU MAY WANT TO
THE AREA PROVIDED
STRETCH OUT IN A
TARE OFF WATCHES AND
RECLINING POSITION
LOOSE JEWELRY
TO COMPLETELY RELAX.
97110
(5 0 3 ) 4 3 5 - 2 - 4 2 5
P.O. Box 201
179 Coolidge
Cannon Beach, OR 97110
IF YOU ARE NEW TO THE
STEAM BATH.. YOU MIGHT
WANT TO FOLLOW THESE
STEPS TO ATTAIN
MAXIMUM ENJOYMENT
END WITH A SOAP AND
WATER SHOWER AND
r in s e wfth cool water
T0CU6E PORES DONluO
OUT INTO COW OR WST
WEATHER until YOU M l
DRY and HAVE FINISHED
PERSPIRING, 0RY0UM Y
G e t C.HILLLCL
AFTER STEAM FEELING !
wc alcohol ARC WOT COMPATSlf WITH A .STEAM BATH
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