m r Dear Uncle Mike, Last m onth you said i f you were a black lab you d be 330 in hum an years I take that to mean you re f if t y 1 just turn ed f if t y m yself and I confess it's h it me in ways I hadn t forseen. My hea lth is good and a ll that (we won t ta lk about prostrate, okay?) but I m sta rtin g to th in k in term s o f the old three score and ten and how that leaves me (maybe) tw e n ty years Tw enty years ago seems like yesterday Young women I d f l i r t w ith i f I were n t m arried are c a llin g me s ir Looking at m yself in the bathroom m ir r o r is n 't as fu n as it used to be I realize that dreams I s till n u rtu re are probably not going to be N o thing about my life has changed I have a w onderful w ife a job th a t s more f u lf illin g than most, and grow n ch ild re n I love Suddenly, it doesn t seem to be enough Is th is m id life c ris is ’ Is there a c u re ’ Feeling Old in Astoria Acupuncture — Chinese Herbs — Massage EAT M ORE C O O KIES Bob Rice L.Ac. P .O . B o x 193 C a n n o n B each, O R 97110 Cinnamon Rolls, Pizza by the Slice, Muhins, Espresso, and Cookies 436-1911 Dear Feeling Old, In te re s tin g word, crisis. What it means is a level o f energy preceding, often im m ediately, a change in the p re v a ilin g order. Water in a teapot is in crisis the moment before it boils Only those phobic about steam are bothered M id life crisis an u n fo rtu n a te term coined by those h o rrifie d by tra n sitio n , should be celebrated w ith a ll the fe rv o r o f a puberty rite Only a n itw it would look fo r a cure So young women are c a llin g you s ir What exactly do you have against respect’ You are. lik e it o r not, a v illa g e elder The deal we a ll make w ith space/tim e is to trade youth fo r experience A ll in all, it's one o f life s great bargains Yes. Uncle Mike is 330 in dog years A lth o u g h he enjoyed a charmed and amusing youth, h is po rtio n o f the hum an comedy didn t even start g e tting good u n til he h it fo rty Chess, to say n o th in g o f life and love, is more fun w hen you know the rules No. Uncle M ike is not th rille d w ith his stomach tone This o n ly means the scant seconds he once spent in fr o n t o f the m ir ro r ad m irin g his neve r especially e xciting physique can be tu rn e d to more productive use trim m in g his ear h a ir T ry as he m ight, Uncle M ike can't m uster any pain and sadness from th is He is, in fact, happy as a clam to have lived h a lf a ce n tu ry and would c h e e rfu lly open a v e in before going back even to yesterday As fo r dreams. Uncle M ike considers h im se lf the laughable re su lt o f h is No, they ha ve n 't a ll worked out as planned It's as i f he set out fo r Oz, wound up in a cabin in the ra in fo re s t and giggles a lo t at his luck In a spherical universe, the fu rth e r we tra v e l the closer we get to home The o n ly dream Uncle M ike s till th in k s w o rth dream ing is to be at peace w ith his w o rld At any age. the o n ly game in town is understanding -- kn o w in g o u r place in the cosmic m inue t and dancing the best we can Uncle M ike is reconciled to the fact he 11 neve r be John T ravolta He s shooting fo r Robert Duvall now Sudden feelings o f m o rta lity ? Where, Uncle Mike wonders, have you been? Yes, Boobla. in terms m e a n in g fu l o n ly to the Am erican Medical Society, you're going to croak It could happen, heaven forbid, before you fin is h reading th is Read the papers, bucko Men o u r age drop over like pole-axed steers eve ry day o f the week and Uncle M ike would w ager not one o f them saw it com ing At the ris k o f sounding u n ­ sym pathetic. so w h a t’ As Wendell B erry pointed out in M emory o f Old Jack . It is no tragedy w hen at the end o f a life , a man dies Throw from y o u r m ind th a t pew ling hom ily. This is the fir s t day o f the rest o f y o u r life It makes more sense to believe it s y o u r last day on the planet and behave accordingly I f th is doesn t keep a man fro m stewing over the num ber o f candles on his b irth d a y cake, n o th in g short o f death 239 N HEMLOCK Ph. 436-2832 H O P E L. H A R R IS L IC E N S E D MASSAGE T H E R A P IS T | C L A T S O P C O U N T Y W O M E N S C R IS IS S E R V IC E 3 2 5 -5 7 3 5 5 0 3 / 3 2 5 -2 5 2 3 w ill Uncle Mike does, however, welcome the o p p o rtu n ity not to speak ol prostates w w u a L H i l l I I L iU U L L U N iU u U f 1 ll'l'f t 1 f ! « H -X. Dear Uncle Mike. . ■ I've got th is problem , o r ra th e r my b o yfrie n d does This woman at his o ffice is h u s tlin g h im She w orks under him . no pun intended, and h e r behavior is obvious to everyone J e rry (n o t his real name) has consistently turn ed down in v ita tio n s to lu n c h and d rin k s a fte r w o rk He says he s made his tack o f feelings pla in but that the woman just w o n 't take a h in t She's an excellent w o rk e r and Je rry doesn't w ant to let h e r go. but the situation is ge ttin g on both o u r nerves Any suggestions' P 0 d in Portland E lita B ran d 92% C otton, 8% Lycra bras, panties £r bodysuits. In black, w hite and undyed c o tto n . Allison Rhea cotton nightgow ns w ith B a tte n b u rg lace tr im . In s h o rt and long styles. 31 scents o f p e rfu m e o il - also used to scent o u r lo tio n , bath £r shower gel and massage oil. B rin g y o u r bottle back fo r a re fill andyouTl get a discount! Kama Sutra sensual massage and body products. I f y o u haven't visited us lately, you're missing a lot!! S o m e tim e s A G r e a t L o t io n 239 N. Hemlock #3 » Cannon Beach • 4 3 6 -0 1 2 9 JJ D earP O 'd , Uncle M ike always has suggestions That's w h y he s Uncle Mike F irs t o ff, congratulations on b e lie vin g y o u r b o yfrie n d w hen he described the flir ta tio n as a one-way street A lesser woman m ig h t call h im a ly in g dog and demand he e ith e r fir e h e r o r fin d a new place to put h is toothbrush . I f y o u r b o yfrie n d Not Jerry, has not introduced the law in to his conversations w ith th is woman, he m ig h t consider it I f h e r am atory behaviour in te rfe re s w ith his work, it constitutes sexual harassm ent There s a good chance she has reduced his re a lity to a success object In today's parlance, th a t makes Not J e rry a v ic tim A n oth er tack m ig h t be to give the cheap hussy a call and ask does she have photographs show ing h e r w ith a ll h e r fro n t teeth Explain that you regard h e r behaviour as a personal assault and that any fu rth e r batting of the eyes could lead to a nasty in tro d u ctio n to y o u r R ottw eiler Letters to Uncle Mike can be sent to: Box 1222, Cannon Beach Or. 97110 The fault no child e v e r loses is th e one he w a s m ost punished for. C esare B eccaria fr C N m o n D e N cn L IC E N S E D M A S S A G E VICTOR H. PLUCY. m.fl. THERAPY Counseling Psychotherapy Individuals, Couples & Families R O S A L IN D C U S A C K , LM T O R E G O N 8. W A S H I N G T O N 436-9225 41382ft. P O C A N N O N B O X 1224 BEACH. O R CORD UNTIL DESIRED TEMPLRATURE IS ACQUIRE 0. /FSRMTH/WOlS CREENT E W a s h in g to n S ta te License NF 20000400 IN NER H E A L IN C Christina Stanley RN, IBCLC Lactation Consultant Breast Feeding Assistance (503)436-0161 EM PO W E R ED R E O U S IN 6 A R T IS T IC P ft OCE Dirncun.. breathe thrdcw A CDlD WET WASH CLOTH AFTER. 10-15 MINUTES TAKE A REST IN THE R oom K THE STEAM for another io ^ N F F IR REPEATING THE CYCLE. 2 o K 3 T i MES MINUTES REPEAT IN6- THE PROCESS- USE ENOUGH STEAM FOR YOUR O W N LIKING-. DRESSING R O O M . A-AFTER TAICIWfr A FEW STEAM BATHS YOU W ill WANT " to ADJUST the PROCEDURE To VOlMOW SATOFACT/OW. WE HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL Medela Breast Pump Rental Station 12 _._-LF PLFAI7Y ^T N T E R steam ROOM. „ ____ UNDRESS IN YOU MAY WANT TO THE AREA PROVIDED STRETCH OUT IN A TARE OFF WATCHES AND RECLINING POSITION LOOSE JEWELRY TO COMPLETELY RELAX. 97110 (5 0 3 ) 4 3 5 - 2 - 4 2 5 P.O. Box 201 179 Coolidge Cannon Beach, OR 97110 IF YOU ARE NEW TO THE STEAM BATH.. YOU MIGHT WANT TO FOLLOW THESE STEPS TO ATTAIN MAXIMUM ENJOYMENT END WITH A SOAP AND WATER SHOWER AND r in s e wfth cool water T0CU6E PORES DONluO OUT INTO COW OR WST WEATHER until YOU M l DRY and HAVE FINISHED PERSPIRING, 0RY0UM Y G e t C.HILLLCL AFTER STEAM FEELING ! wc alcohol ARC WOT COMPATSlf WITH A .STEAM BATH WARNING! 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