r
The Editor says Work Work Work A singularly ugly
piece of verbage that A verb/noun w ith the light, lilting
euphoma of a Polish industrial park without regard to the
three titles and fifty plus hours our ilk endure in the dark
Vacation Months li s a horrible price we pay to live at this
beach and many succumb to attrition If you re from
elsewhere don t pass on a curve let us play through, and.
above all. TIP
Madden has his work ethic team, this is mine
AI.
HL
IB
2B
3B
SS
LF
(7
RF
C
RHP
LHP
McCovey
Schoendienst
Santo o r Hack
Ranks
Musial
Ashburn or M artin
F u rillo o r Ott or Oh
Lombardi
Matty
Spahn
G ehrig
Fox
Robinson or Yost
Boudreau
Goslm
A v e rill
Kalme
Freehan
Johnson
Kaat
A note -- the Al. left field spot would belong to |oe Jackson,
hands dow'n, if he wasn t co-conspirator in the greatest
betraval of the working grunt in Sporting history Joe was a
fabulous ballplayer, with a 356 life avg . terrific speed and
power great glove and arm much like Bobby Bonds would
like to be in 2003 Unfortunately, he was a crook Look. I m a
fan of Field of Dreams as much as the next guy, but this
clown deserves neither your tears nor sympathy There has
been much revisionist thinking in regard to whether Joe got a
fair shake, after all. he did hit 375 in the series w ith 6 RBI s
and 4 extra base hits If you ve ever watched a pool hustler in
action, you know the value of picking your spots
His hits amounted to nothing in the White Sox offense,
mostly non existent w ith men in scoring position His base
running was suspect, once holding third w ith less than two out
on a grounder to short His infallable arm led to a critical
error in Game 4 And. most damningly, the Reds hit three
triples to Jackson s left field in the series How many triples
have you ever seen hit to left field in your life, discounting
Jeremy s last T Ball game7 That s how good Joe Jackson was
His other seven slimy felons clumsily accounted for eight
errors, but Joe was clean, and made it look easy
The fact remains, he signed a confession to tanking a W’orld
Series, a series where folks like you and me would queue up
200 deep to watch a small mechanical man progress around a
simulated diamond, orchestrated by telegraph because there
was no radio, and only if we were lucky enough to have the
day o ff and be next to a W estern Union office
This bum and
his pals have been relegated to the dustbin of history, and it s
only right
QUIZ
Who are these guys?
Hey. barkeep You know who that guy is over there’ What
a ballplayer1 One game, he hits four homers and a double at
Ebbets Field After that, both Labme and Newcombe d rill him
w ith fastballs. breakin bones and all So all he does is hit 30«
w ith 23 homers for the year Neit year, same thing, beanball
busts his forearm out for the year Now he s gettm ticked
Next July. Ruben Gomez of the Giants puts one in his ribs, and
he s had enough, so he charges the mound Gomez sees this
guy. three inches taller and fo rty pounds heavier, comm at
him w ith homicide on his mind and he starts back peddlin
Faster and faster, until this big guy is chasing this little dude
all the way into the dugout Everybody w-as laughin
themselves sick And then Gomez comes, tentatively, back out
of the dugout and he d armed himself You know w ith w hat’
A friggin icepick1 We were dyin 1
Yah sure But I m not the only cat w ith a story in this dive
See him ’ He hit the longest home run in history True story
Over the laundry at Crosley Field, into a truck and th irty
miles to market Haw, haw'. Ruth should do so good. eh.
Schnozz’
Hold it down That haggard lookin dude over there is a
legend Rookie of the year w ith a league leading ERA and
complete games, he wrecks his knee in spring training, comes
back too fast, and kisses it all goodbye I magme. 33 CG in 43
starts. 27-13 and 2 47 ERA. w ith 70 BB in 353 innings
Remarkable
JIMWEATHeRs"""*)!
and 1 didn t do too bad He came up lame right after the
All Star break and I hit well 309 until August 2 That night
we lost to the dog ass Braves in Boston in twelve innings I
lust couldn t take it II mean, the Braves, for Chrissake’ ). so I
went back to my hotel room locked myself in the bathroom,
and slashed my throat w ith a razor Impulsive, sure, but hey
I was upset
I won t be happy until we have every boy in America
between the ages of six and s iile e n w earing a glove
and swinging a bat
Babe Ruth
436*1885
L K I M SI O MOMMO
5 baseball gossip addict from Cannon Beach. Oregon writes
Dear Mr Baseball.
I realize you don t deal in baseball gossip but I heard
through the grapevine that lose Canseco isn t his real name, it
was changed in the 70s and after plastic surgery the name
change and steroid use allegations and paternity suits he
really w as a Mafia informant an informant for the Feds and
became part of the Witness Protection Program
mainly
because he knew that Jimmy Hoffa was alive and posing (after
surgery also), as Marge Schott a baseball owner
What do YOU th in k ’
Sincerely.
Donna
Dear Gossip Addict
Listen Donna or whatever your real name is this reporter
is a card carrying Teamster from the days he had a real job.
and Mr Hoffa made me a lot of money So quit with the
libelous allusions to this Canseco person, loot sweet. Ok ’ And
you re correct on one score ! II deal w ith this kind of yellow
journalism when you can buy this rag for six bits in the
supermarket check line
However there is a kernel of truth in your theory Canseco,
in his previous life was a Native American member of the
little known Jinnsoakt Nation There he was known as
Coyote Passing Wind after several high speed chases w'ith the
Reservation Police while astride his possessed palomino.
Diesel As far as the Marge Schott rumour goes. I ve
determined, after painstaking research, that there exists no
plastic surgeon so inept
OLYMPIC BOOK
EXCHANGE. INC
Wo Buy Books
” 1 ■ -,
PAUL SKEETER
A Mr George Steinbrenner of New York gushes
25C9 f n» She«»
Q9 9 ’ ’ 4‘
¡5031 M2 3846
Dear Mr Baseball
Just a quick note to let you know how appreciated you are
w ith your excellent knowledge of baseball Your intellect,
interpretive skills, and recall of baseball deta<i are
unsurpassed, except by
Here I truncate this fulsome correspondence, out of deference
to my readers It continues. Ad Naseum, for several more
paragraphs George Thomas Boswell refers to you as a
Corporal of In d u s try . and I think that is an unwarranted
promotion This toadying up to the press you ve so long
despised is uncharacteristic, and. frankly, embarassmg Sell
the Yankees, (ieorge In case you didn t notice, this is the first
year that baseball s premier franchise has been surpassed in
net value by a team from another sport I m not sure, but I
think it was the Chicago Bulls, whatever that is Anyway, if
you don l speak aesthetics. I m sure you understand money
Sell now. before you inflict more damage Sell to someone
who know's that to win a pennant, you move the left center
field fence back to 460 feet, stock the roster w ith right
handed, speedy singles hitters and power hitting left handers,
invest in one losing streak stopping pitching ace, and round
out the staff w ith southpaw prospects and journeymen
I l s just that simple Of course you may need Billy Martin to
motivate these guys and you need to keep your grubby mitts
off the phone, but that s easy
S------------------------------------------- ,
Sandy Stembler
F d rn u su j
B m I u
¿74 Tenth Street
\its r u t 0» ejjn
.AOuUw
9 7 1 0 /0
.CttwArf« 10 1 »0
I____________ J
Bruce Johnston
Go'iorof Contractor
CCB *71672
Youngs River
Construction A Painting
201 Spruco
Gearhart. Oregon
9713«
(503) 73Ä-6621
• Resriential • Remodeling • Roofing • Specialty Work •
• Power Washing • Waterproofing • Bead Blasting •
Phone 503-325-2557
Rt 1 B oi 55« Youngs River Road. Astoria, O R 97103
Oh. sure I m Mr Failed Potential What about this guy next
to me’ Rookie year he s on fire, goes 8-0. w ith 4 shutouts in
his first six games and wins 5# games his first three years
After that, nada What a shame
Bartender give us a round Look. I don t want to hear about
it I was back-up to that guy over there with the freak homer,
I want to be thoroughly used up when I die. for the harder I
work, the more i live Life is no b rie f candle for me It is a sort
of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I
want to make it burn as b rig h tly as possible before handing it on
to fu tu re generations
G B Shaw
.
urrtR. Lin txi juwt m3 15
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