r The Editor says Work Work Work A singularly ugly piece of verbage that A verb/noun w ith the light, lilting euphoma of a Polish industrial park without regard to the three titles and fifty plus hours our ilk endure in the dark Vacation Months li s a horrible price we pay to live at this beach and many succumb to attrition If you re from elsewhere don t pass on a curve let us play through, and. above all. TIP Madden has his work ethic team, this is mine AI. HL IB 2B 3B SS LF (7 RF C RHP LHP McCovey Schoendienst Santo o r Hack Ranks Musial Ashburn or M artin F u rillo o r Ott or Oh Lombardi Matty Spahn G ehrig Fox Robinson or Yost Boudreau Goslm A v e rill Kalme Freehan Johnson Kaat A note -- the Al. left field spot would belong to |oe Jackson, hands dow'n, if he wasn t co-conspirator in the greatest betraval of the working grunt in Sporting history Joe was a fabulous ballplayer, with a 356 life avg . terrific speed and power great glove and arm much like Bobby Bonds would like to be in 2003 Unfortunately, he was a crook Look. I m a fan of Field of Dreams as much as the next guy, but this clown deserves neither your tears nor sympathy There has been much revisionist thinking in regard to whether Joe got a fair shake, after all. he did hit 375 in the series w ith 6 RBI s and 4 extra base hits If you ve ever watched a pool hustler in action, you know the value of picking your spots His hits amounted to nothing in the White Sox offense, mostly non existent w ith men in scoring position His base running was suspect, once holding third w ith less than two out on a grounder to short His infallable arm led to a critical error in Game 4 And. most damningly, the Reds hit three triples to Jackson s left field in the series How many triples have you ever seen hit to left field in your life, discounting Jeremy s last T Ball game7 That s how good Joe Jackson was His other seven slimy felons clumsily accounted for eight errors, but Joe was clean, and made it look easy The fact remains, he signed a confession to tanking a W’orld Series, a series where folks like you and me would queue up 200 deep to watch a small mechanical man progress around a simulated diamond, orchestrated by telegraph because there was no radio, and only if we were lucky enough to have the day o ff and be next to a W estern Union office This bum and his pals have been relegated to the dustbin of history, and it s only right QUIZ Who are these guys? Hey. barkeep You know who that guy is over there’ What a ballplayer1 One game, he hits four homers and a double at Ebbets Field After that, both Labme and Newcombe d rill him w ith fastballs. breakin bones and all So all he does is hit 30« w ith 23 homers for the year Neit year, same thing, beanball busts his forearm out for the year Now he s gettm ticked Next July. Ruben Gomez of the Giants puts one in his ribs, and he s had enough, so he charges the mound Gomez sees this guy. three inches taller and fo rty pounds heavier, comm at him w ith homicide on his mind and he starts back peddlin Faster and faster, until this big guy is chasing this little dude all the way into the dugout Everybody w-as laughin themselves sick And then Gomez comes, tentatively, back out of the dugout and he d armed himself You know w ith w hat’ A friggin icepick1 We were dyin 1 Yah sure But I m not the only cat w ith a story in this dive See him ’ He hit the longest home run in history True story Over the laundry at Crosley Field, into a truck and th irty miles to market Haw, haw'. Ruth should do so good. eh. Schnozz’ Hold it down That haggard lookin dude over there is a legend Rookie of the year w ith a league leading ERA and complete games, he wrecks his knee in spring training, comes back too fast, and kisses it all goodbye I magme. 33 CG in 43 starts. 27-13 and 2 47 ERA. w ith 70 BB in 353 innings Remarkable JIMWEATHeRs"""*)! and 1 didn t do too bad He came up lame right after the All Star break and I hit well 309 until August 2 That night we lost to the dog ass Braves in Boston in twelve innings I lust couldn t take it II mean, the Braves, for Chrissake’ ). so I went back to my hotel room locked myself in the bathroom, and slashed my throat w ith a razor Impulsive, sure, but hey I was upset I won t be happy until we have every boy in America between the ages of six and s iile e n w earing a glove and swinging a bat Babe Ruth 436*1885 L K I M SI O MOMMO 5 baseball gossip addict from Cannon Beach. Oregon writes Dear Mr Baseball. I realize you don t deal in baseball gossip but I heard through the grapevine that lose Canseco isn t his real name, it was changed in the 70s and after plastic surgery the name change and steroid use allegations and paternity suits he really w as a Mafia informant an informant for the Feds and became part of the Witness Protection Program mainly because he knew that Jimmy Hoffa was alive and posing (after surgery also), as Marge Schott a baseball owner What do YOU th in k ’ Sincerely. Donna Dear Gossip Addict Listen Donna or whatever your real name is this reporter is a card carrying Teamster from the days he had a real job. and Mr Hoffa made me a lot of money So quit with the libelous allusions to this Canseco person, loot sweet. Ok ’ And you re correct on one score ! II deal w ith this kind of yellow journalism when you can buy this rag for six bits in the supermarket check line However there is a kernel of truth in your theory Canseco, in his previous life was a Native American member of the little known Jinnsoakt Nation There he was known as Coyote Passing Wind after several high speed chases w'ith the Reservation Police while astride his possessed palomino. Diesel As far as the Marge Schott rumour goes. I ve determined, after painstaking research, that there exists no plastic surgeon so inept OLYMPIC BOOK EXCHANGE. INC Wo Buy Books ” 1 ■ -, PAUL SKEETER A Mr George Steinbrenner of New York gushes 25C9 f n» She«» Q9 9 ’ ’ 4‘ ¡5031 M2 3846 Dear Mr Baseball Just a quick note to let you know how appreciated you are w ith your excellent knowledge of baseball Your intellect, interpretive skills, and recall of baseball deta