« T H E TO R C H OF REASON, S IL V E R ION , O REGON , TH U R SD A Y , D ECEM BER 2, 1897. could do no better than erect a m onum ent to our good heathen By Rev O ld M<»rt lity b ro th e r, who so kindly invented My L ittle O nes—T h is is a very this money m aking in stitu tio n , and beautiful m orning; the air is clear, »Bowed the Jew s to incorporate it pure and bracing. The harvest- in t" th eir dream book. pets, I understand th a t one tim e has come and gone The yield of g rain , fruit, and vegetables (d .v ,‘u n “ ® a big brother who is has been verv bountiful indeed, anxious to m arry. Please ask him Prices for th is g rand h arv est are if hH is ''« rth y of a good, noble- quite rem u n erativ e and satisfac- hearted woman. Ask him if he is torv to every interested person, morally’, intellectually and tiu.ni- And rig h t here, and now, I wish to d a lly , as well as physically, able say, th a t 1 hope all the men, women «" ,a k e u Pun him self such a poai- ,and children th a t have th eir names «*on as husband and head oí a fam- 'on o ur T abernacle books will pay ¡l.v - I got m arried once, and Rev all th eir accounts, so we will be Mrs. Roxey Jan e M ortality has of able to sta rt anew, clear of debt, ten told me th a t she was too wt W omen are and all other business obligations. aw are of th e fact. You m ay wonder why I am in strange creatures, and th eir -trange- terested in these worldly affairs. I ness d ates hack to the tim e when will tell you. It has often been Poor> w eak-m inded M other Eve cast np to me by m any tradesm en, clim bed the apple tree and shook craftsm en, an d poor dependent ’*• have often told Roxey th a t I laborers, th a t there are some mem- j u’ish Eve had stuck fast to th e hers of th is T abernacle who do not tru n k before she reached the first pay th eir honest debts. W hy even lim b- Then Koxey retaliated by there are some new spaper publish- decdaring th a t all in«*n are liars, ers th a t have come to me and told ■ an<l fools boot. B ut neverthe- me th e ir “ tales of woe” . Well I | ,esH if y ,,ur big brother is sound in m ust sav th at I have at all tim es his upper story and the p arty lie is felt sorry for th is class of poor de- wed is ° - K and knows her P ’s fenceless and dependent devils, who and Q’8» " b y , I Have no objections, are so «»ft forced to borrow th eir fact, when the, candidates for neighbors s«»up hones when com m atrim ony are prepared for the pany happens in upon them u n great leap in the «lark, I sanction the leap with all my a r d o r — th at heralded. I like new spaper people, for at is, when I m arry the couple. T his rem inds me to ask why post tim es they become reckless and d u rin g these reckless spells they m aste rs and all other governm ent publish a trui 1». Speaking of news officers ar«* notperm itied to m arry paper men rem inds me to speak people? Why should we sky-scrap Rev. C. C. Moore of the Blue ers have the preference of this kind There are m any <»f us G rass Blade. This gentlem an of work? tells i he tru th so everlasting hard q u ite void of honor and good judg th at q u ite a goodly num ber of his m ent, and we would not hesitate a friends, who take a sly “ nip” from m inute to join the Devil to the Vir the jug, and then wind up by gin M ary should they wait upon u- draw ing fu rth e r satisfaction and with the cash in sight. C hildren, solace from th e weed th a t cheers, ' the m illennium will never put in do hot bank on him or his very ils long-delayed appearance until original ami in terestin g publica the m arriage laws are arranged so tions. Then again there is the (h at every fool can he prevented edit«»r of the T orch of R eason who from m arrying every o th er fool. Roxey Jane once said to me that is so given to telling facts th a t he leans over backw ards when he if she lived (and sin* hoped she touches the whiskev how l and to w ouldi to m arry ten thousand hacco pipe. The world is rap id ly D’nes sh e’d never, no never again grow ing more ami m«»re enlighten- wed a preacher. She says they are «•«I. and prcsniuly rum d rin k in g »H a set of bunco sh ark s whose >«•!«• and all si vies of intem perance will aim in life is to ogle -money and have passed away with m a n y o th e r goods «mt of poor, illiterate and ig- vices of the present «lay. norai.t p«ople. But Roxey was In speaking of hell, I m ean the m ad a t th a t tim e—S atan had hold borrowed hell of Christians. T his of her. Therefore I excused her, as is (In-only hell I know of, and I ra th e r too large for rn- to don’t know of it. If your parents chastise corporally. will inform me of its w hereabouts M.v Pe,tS 1 have much else th at I I will give such a one $540.29, but should like to say to you hut I will being a preacher perhaps I should defer it for an o th er time. W e h a 'e not m ake th is m unificent offer as a ladies’ m eeting at our house, and the proposition m ight become ptlb- in order to learn the ins and outs of lie, and it would work an injury to HH the women who do no. belong my d ear b ro th er preachers, should 'to our tabernacle, I m ust hasten your paren ts not he able to locate home in order to conceal myself in th is heathen m anufactured locality, the flour barrel ere th eir arrival. Bah! w hat a fake this hell is, and t r -v to make your- T he L icensed P reach er. oh, w hat a h arv est the fool of a ¡¡ve wejj w ithout lying or steal- fake has proved to us sky-pilots, ing. M eeting is now a«ljourned. C ertainly the clergy of America Amen. C u s i t e r ¿V D a v e n p o r t D E A LER S IN- .... G EN ER AL / v | ER C H A N D I5E Corner Main and W ater Streets, SIL V E R T O N , O R E. y— — Hicks & Ames D E A L E R S IN H ardw are, Tinw are, Stoves, A G R IC U L T U R A L IM P L E M E N T S D uns, Fishing Tackle, C utlery, Sporting Goods, Etc., Etc. SILVERTON, OREGON. Secularists Or anybody SEND US YOUR JOBW ORK W e W i l l Do I t F o r You Neatly, Quickly, and For Less Money T h a n Y o u ca n G e t I t E ls e w h e re . We Print A nything