«
T H E TO R C H OF REASON, S IL V E R ION , O REGON , TH U R SD A Y , D ECEM BER 2, 1897.
could do no better than erect a
m onum ent to our good heathen
By Rev O ld M<»rt lity
b ro th e r, who so kindly invented
My L ittle O nes—T h is is a very this money m aking in stitu tio n , and
beautiful m orning; the air is clear, »Bowed the Jew s to incorporate it
pure and bracing. The harvest- in t" th eir dream book.
pets, I understand th a t one
tim e has come and gone The
yield of g rain , fruit, and vegetables (d .v ,‘u n “ ® a big brother who is
has been verv bountiful indeed, anxious to m arry. Please ask him
Prices for th is g rand h arv est are if hH is ''« rth y of a good, noble-
quite rem u n erativ e and satisfac- hearted woman. Ask him if he is
torv to every interested person, morally’, intellectually and tiu.ni-
And rig h t here, and now, I wish to d a lly , as well as physically, able
say, th a t 1 hope all the men, women «" ,a k e u Pun him self such a poai-
,and children th a t have th eir names «*on as husband and head oí a fam-
'on o ur T abernacle books will pay ¡l.v - I got m arried once, and Rev
all th eir accounts, so we will be Mrs. Roxey Jan e M ortality has of­
able to sta rt anew, clear of debt, ten told me th a t she was too wt
W omen are
and all other business obligations. aw are of th e fact.
You m ay wonder why I am in strange creatures, and th eir -trange-
terested in these worldly affairs. I ness d ates hack to the tim e when
will tell you. It has often been Poor> w eak-m inded M other Eve
cast np to me by m any tradesm en, clim bed the apple tree and shook
craftsm en, an d poor dependent ’*•
have often told Roxey th a t I
laborers, th a t there are some mem- j u’ish Eve had stuck fast to th e
hers of th is T abernacle who do not tru n k before she reached the first
pay th eir honest debts. W hy even lim b- Then Koxey retaliated by
there are some new spaper publish- decdaring th a t all in«*n are liars,
ers th a t have come to me and told ■ an<l fools
boot. B ut neverthe-
me th e ir “ tales of woe” . Well I | ,esH if y ,,ur big brother is sound in
m ust sav th at I have at all tim es his upper story and the p arty lie is
felt sorry for th is class of poor de-
wed is ° - K and knows her P ’s
fenceless and dependent devils, who and Q’8» " b y , I Have no objections,
are so «»ft forced to borrow th eir
fact, when the, candidates for
neighbors s«»up hones when com­ m atrim ony are prepared for the
pany happens in upon them u n ­ great leap in the «lark, I sanction
the leap with all my a r d o r — th at
heralded.
I like new spaper people, for at is, when I m arry the couple.
T his rem inds me to ask why post­
tim es they become reckless and
d u rin g these reckless spells they m aste rs and all other governm ent
publish a trui 1». Speaking of news­ officers ar«* notperm itied to m arry
paper men rem inds me to speak people? Why should we sky-scrap­
Rev. C. C. Moore of the Blue ers have the preference of this kind
There are m any <»f us
G rass Blade.
This gentlem an of work?
tells i he tru th so everlasting hard q u ite void of honor and good judg­
th at q u ite a goodly num ber of his m ent, and we would not hesitate a
friends, who take a sly “ nip” from m inute to join the Devil to the Vir
the jug, and then wind up by gin M ary should they wait upon u-
draw ing fu rth e r satisfaction and with the cash in sight. C hildren,
solace from th e weed th a t cheers, ' the m illennium will never put in
do hot bank on him or his very ils long-delayed appearance until
original ami in terestin g publica­ the m arriage laws are arranged so
tions. Then again there is the (h at every fool can he prevented
edit«»r of the T orch of R eason who from m arrying every o th er fool.
Roxey Jane once said to me that
is so given to telling facts th a t he
leans over backw ards when he if she lived (and sin* hoped she
touches the whiskev how l and to­ w ouldi to m arry ten thousand
hacco pipe. The world is rap id ly D’nes sh e’d never, no never again
grow ing more ami m«»re enlighten- wed a preacher. She says they are
«•«I. and prcsniuly rum d rin k in g »H a set of bunco sh ark s whose >«•!«•
and all si vies of intem perance will aim in life is to ogle -money and
have passed away with m a n y o th e r goods «mt of poor, illiterate and ig-
vices of the present «lay.
norai.t p«ople.
But Roxey was
In speaking of hell, I m ean the m ad a t th a t tim e—S atan had hold
borrowed hell of Christians. T his of her. Therefore I excused her, as
is (In-only hell I know of, and I
ra th e r too large for rn- to
don’t know of it. If your parents chastise corporally.
will inform me of its w hereabouts
M.v Pe,tS 1 have much else th at I
I will give such a one $540.29, but should like to say to you hut I will
being a preacher perhaps I should defer it for an o th er time. W e h a 'e
not m ake th is m unificent offer as a ladies’ m eeting at our house, and
the proposition m ight become ptlb- in order to learn the ins and outs of
lie, and it would work an injury to HH the women who do no. belong
my d ear b ro th er preachers, should 'to our tabernacle, I m ust hasten
your paren ts not he able to locate home in order to conceal myself in
th is heathen m anufactured locality, the flour barrel ere th eir arrival.
Bah! w hat a fake this hell is, and
t r -v to make your-
T he L icensed P reach er.
oh, w hat a h arv est the fool of a
¡¡ve wejj w ithout lying or steal-
fake has proved to us sky-pilots, ing.
M eeting is now a«ljourned.
C ertainly the clergy of America Amen.
C u s i t e r ¿V D a v e n p o r t
D E A LER S IN-
.... G EN ER AL / v | ER C H A N D I5E
Corner Main and W ater Streets,
SIL V E R T O N , O R E.
y—
— Hicks & Ames
D E A L E R S IN
H ardw are, Tinw are, Stoves,
A G R IC U L T U R A L
IM P L E M E N T S
D uns, Fishing Tackle, C utlery, Sporting Goods, Etc., Etc.
SILVERTON, OREGON.
Secularists
Or anybody
SEND US YOUR JOBW ORK
W e W i l l Do I t F o r You
Neatly, Quickly, and
For Less Money
T h a n Y o u ca n G e t I t E ls e w h e re .
We
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