The North Coast times-eagle., January 01, 2005, Page 3, Image 3

PAGE 3
N O R T H C O A S T T IM E S E A G L E , JABRUARY 2005
ROBERT ADAMS
Garry Wills observed that some of the assumptions on
which American democracy is based — that reason matters,
that attention to evidence matters, that “a decent respect for the
opinions of mankind" matters — were abandoned by a majority
of voters.
A friend of ours wrote after the election to say that the
only way he could explain it was by reference to a half century
of failed American education, which he noted corresponded to
the age of television.
Civic life seems to me exhausted and poisoned. On
many levels. What is the difference, really, between the way
Bush operates with his cronies and the way our local officials
operate with Calpine?
If the LNG facility is built and Kerstin and I nonetheless
decide to stay — if we decide we're too old to move, or can't find
a place that is relatively less corrupt —we want to try to be wiser
and tougher. Though hopefully not less humane.
P A U L VA N D E R V E L D T
Most of us in my coffee shop agree that the mood there
the morning of 11/3 was identical to the mood there the morning
of 9/11.1 feel that now maybe I should wear the Kerry button
that didn’t work since people who only read the “Bush/Cheney
2004” button failed to notice the rows of gravestones at the
national cemetery.
What I frequently wonder about is the ongoing effect
of accumulated group karma on us all that we have generated
by the increasing deaths of thousands of human beings.
George Bernard Shaw’s Caesar & Cleopatra comes
to mind frequently — where Cleopatra is defending herself for
having had an enemy slain: “If one man in all Alexandria can be
found to say that I did wrong, I swear to have myself crucified on
the door of the palace by my own slaves." And Caesar replies,
“If one man in all the world can be found, now or forever, to
know that you did wrong, that man will have either to conquer
the world, as I have, or be crucified by it.... And so, to the end
of history murder shall breed murder, always in the name of
right and honor and peace, until the gods are tired of blood and
create a race that can understand."
JO N U N D H O U T
I consider myself the dumbest of the 48% who didn't
vote for Bush. He outsmarted me. I got Bushwhacked.
They flat out beat our ass and maybe we’ve got just
what we deserve.
After ‘Hopalong Bush' saves the world, Newt Gingrinch
will be President in 2008. So I will be safe until I am about 78.
S E A M U S O 'M U R P H Y
The 2004 Presidential election was a great disappoint­
ment to me. It was not a disappointment of a political nature,
since unlike the 2000 election W actually received more votes
than his Democratic adversary. Last November's election was a
disappointment of a religious nature. The most troubling aspect
of campaign 2004 is that the Republican Party was able to claim
the moral high ground and persuade the majority of voters that
their agenda is the moral one.
I am a Christian. I always have been. I grew up in an era
when “good Christians" marched hand in hand with Martin Luther
King Jr. in Selma. Good Christians voted for such government
programs as the Peace Corps, VISTA, and in general tried to
improve the lot of those less fortunate than themselves, both
domestic and foreign. Good Christians voted to secure the
future for our elderly, and to provide a head start for our young.
Good Christians welcomed the “wretched refuse" of the world
who came here, and worked to overcome linguistic and cultural
differences to further the concept of the melting pot. Good
Christians believe in family values, but recognize that some
families are headed by single mothers, or grandparents, or
foster parents or even gay partners. Good Christians believe
that love truly is the answer, no matter what the question.
Now, W and his fundamentalist “base" have convinced
the majority that Christians believe in closing our borders to
those of less desirable ethnicity. The majority would have us
reward greed and avarice in the form of large corporations
taking advantage of tragedy to reap great profits. Those Christ­
ians preach family values while cutting programs to the poor
DALE FLOWERS
who are struggling to keep a semblance of family together.
Those Christians make war, under false pretenses, and other­
wise disrupt the peace process that had made progress, so
that the oil robber barons' fortunes might not be diminished.
No, I’m not disappointed in the elective process. What
I am disappointed in is that I and my fellow Christians have
allowed others to use Jesus' message as their justification for
their belligerence and war. Rather than worry about the politics
of the next election, we must endeavor to take the moral high
ground back. We must get the word out that the parable of the
Good Samaritan is valid today — and means that by helping
those around us, without concern for religious affiliation, race,
language or sex, we improve our own world. We must learn that
Jesus would favor gun control. He would favor fair treatment of
our seniors, young and homeless, though the cost might hurt the
Halliburton robber barons.
I hope that the consequence of 2004 is that true Christ­
ians will retake the initiative in our moral debate. I hope that by
2006 people will see the hypocrisy of the fundamentalists, and
return to that “Old Time Religion."
TH EDA S P R A C K U N
What do I think of the November 2 election, and what
the consequences will be?
Nothing beats the smell of dirty politics in the morning.
Furthermore, any country, person, place or thing that elects to
be led by one who questions being questioned, is heading for
sheer folly.
T H O M A S N. B U R G E S S
Having spent an adult lifetime vowing never to become
a single-issue constituent, I became one. And this fact may put
me on the tenuous far outer edge of the Times Eagle publisher’s
friendships. I don’t like George Bush. But I voted for him.
Hands down, I voted for him. My reason being that,
for right now, whatever George Bush ain’t (and he ain't a lot of
things), he’s the first President in history to have stood before
Congress and framed the words, “frivolous lawsuit." He is the
first President in history to tell the predatory, tort-litigation
fraternity of this country that they were going to acquire a
new backside orifice. So being severely focused on this issue,
I not only pledged to fight his opponent John Kerry, but to deny
Kerry’s running mate, a class-action lawyer, a position of (even
more) power over people’s lives.
As long as the lawyers-on-horseback are allowed to
capitalize on litigation through contingency fees, they will remain
the ultimate “blame entrepreneurs." They will conceptualize and
reconceptualize accountability as they wish, and do it into infinity
and capitalize it into infinity.Thus can they tread on human rights
to an extent that no militarist, no capitalist mogul, no clumsy or
errant government agency has yet done; and all the while posing
as rights-facilitators and inventing fine print as their thirst for
revenue requires it. In the process, the common man and his
various little nest eggs will join industry and institutions on the
lawyers’ target roster. We will be laboratory-bred into one
another's perpetual plaintiff.
On other fronts, neither our inward or outward worlds
seem too well managed right now — so if George W. doesn't
deliver on my particular investment in him, I’ll not only be a ’la
crapper with my friends, I'll be in the crapper with myself.
CONTINUED ON PAGE 4
THE A VAILABIUTY HEURISTIC
(A POEM OF GNU GENRE)
(In response to the question o f the consequences o f the 2004
election, we answer with an invitation to investigative reporters)
In response, we are lead to an overwhelming question.
(Oh do not ask “What is It?"
Let us go and make our visit.)
In the cave, the analysts come and go
Applying the availability heuristic.
What do they all have ¡(»common?
HOPE L. HARRIS
LICENSED
MASSAGE
THERAPIST
5 0 3 /3 2 5 -2 5 2 3
How do our biases affect the act?
Of perception itself,
Of existence and survival?
Someday, we will tell it all.
I shall say,
But how do they all fit in?
After all the votes and frauds
Are counted
I shall tell it all.
We have seen them all already
All the criminals
Exporting vast sums
In the name of democracy, Bat!
Tell, Children of Chemobyll
A bloated face'll
(To cover up the crime
The hundred billion
Or so, from a ewe, crane flu)
-LOIS DuPEY
COLUMBIA RIVER
MARITIME MUSEUM
VISIT THE MUSEUM SHOP
IH ASTORIA, 0RE60H
LITTLE KNOWN POST-2004
ELECTION STATISTICS
~17% of Floridians who accidentally voted for Buchanan
in 2000 when they really wanted to vote for Gore voted in 2004
for Bush, thinking that they would end up with Kerry.
-O f all the people who said, “If Bush wins, I’m moving to
Canada," only 0.1% actually moved there. (Of course, this figure
will climb steadily once the draft is reinstated.)
-Though Kerry didn’t do well among NASCAR fans and
soccer moms, he did win 100% of windsurfing duck hunters.
-Although Bush garnered a whopping 88% of his votes
from the Christian right, Dick Cheney pulled in an equal amount
of votes from Satan worshippers who thought that he was the
Antichrist.
-11% of people who voted for Bush were gay guys
trying to wriggle out of marrying their boyfriends.
-66% of viewers who watched the debates thought that
Kerry showed poor sportsmanship by trouncing Bush — because
you’re always supposed to let the retarded guy win.
-O f the 1% of Americans who took up John Kerry's offer
to check out his campaign platform on his website, 92% gave it
up after 10 seconds to download pom.
-George Bush showed better than expected strength
with young voters (19%) after they learned he was once a drug-
addled, draft-dodging underachiever.
-93% of all Ivy League fraternity boys based their vote
on which candidate's daughter they thought they had a better
chance of scoring with.
-78% of Americans said they respected George Bush
for recovering from alcoholism. Ironically, these are the same
people who said they’d prefer to have a beer with Bush over
John Kerry.
-M A D MAGAZINE