The North Coast times-eagle., January 01, 1996, Page 9, Image 9

PAGE 9
FROGS (CROAKUS CALIFORNICUS)
THE HUMPING FROGS OF LOS ANGELES COUNTY
WORDS & DRAWING BY JIM McCAFFERTY
Our Correspondent in Southern California wrote recently
expressing grave concern over the many frogs that had invaded
his estancia. They were everywhere, and in great numbers, and
were bathing (and dying) in his pool, climbing the pink cement
block walls that are endemic to Southern California, procreating
flagrantly, and generally making an unsightly nuisance of them­
selves. The family cat, a pampered creature not used to wilder­
ness ways, was suffering from the excesses of eating frogs to
the point of nausea, which didn't please the lady of the house,
you betcha.
Somehow, with the fires, floods and earthquakes that
visit Southern California on a weekly basis, a plague of frogs did
not surprise me all that much. However, being a student of
Nature and strange natural phenomena, I was able to allay his
anxiety to some extent, as follows:
Dear Correspondent in Southern California:
Your anguish over the proliferation of frogs seems to be
an overreaction. Frogs are Nice. See their happy smiles. A smile
that goes from ear to ear has got to be a Nice smile, indicative
of a warm, friendly personality. Have you ever seen a headline
that reads "Rabid Frog Attacks 13 Year Old Girl in Park"? Of
course not. (I'm not really sure that frogs have ears; in fact, they
are probably not frogs at all but tree toads or spring peepers. Are
you troubled wth toads peeping at you?) (If so, what are doing
that makes you so all-fired upset about a simple amphibian
watching you do whatever it is?)
Fact of the matter is, to the great disquietude of the
scientific community, there has been a blight of frogs. This is
true. Frogs the world over are dying off, and frog populations are
significantly dowi. The U.N. was about to launch a massive
environmental study, but Bosnia came up instead and they
decided to solve that first. In the over-all, the creatures of the
earth that rely on egg-laying in their reproductive process appear
to be in a kind of transitional and distressed period of unknown
cause(s). For example, in Lake Apopka, Florida, the alligators
have problems (ref. Newsweek article of six or eight months
ago).Their penises are 30% to 50% smaller than normal. What­
ever inspired the biologist who determined this to check it, or
how he went about it, was not discussed. I mean, some clown
wth a tape measure slogging about in Lake Apopka measuring
alligator dorks is bound to cause talk, and some anxiety in the
alligator community. Seagulls in the Great Lakes are also report­
edly in danger: boy gulls humping boy gulls, girl gulls with
obscene tattoos on their upper thighs. I mean, gosh. There is, as
I said, a considerable stir in the scientific community, and more
than passing anxiety. Researchers suspect PCBs which leach
out of plastic bottles, which in consequence causes one to
wonder how baby bottles are affecting our grandchildren.
During my college years I was obliged to take Biology.
' The usual concern here is that you get to dissect dead frogs.
This didn't bother me all that much except that they stunk of
formaldehyde, and it didn't wash out. After Biology Lab, girls
tended to avoid you. But the Biology text, in the section relating
to Sex (vtfiich I immediately turned to see if there were any dirty
pictures) had this photo of a Surinam Toad. A toad from Suri­
nam, wherever that might be. The reason for this picture, still
graven in my mind, is that the lady toad has little pockets in her
back, and the gentleman toad hops upon her back and deposits
sperm in these little pockets, and baby toads grow up in each
pocket. The photo showed a multitude of little toads peering out
of the holes in Mom's back. For some reason this concept rather
shook me. I think it was the whimsical expression on the toad
tads' faces. The picture is still sharp and clear in my mind's eye.
Several years back, while exploring Mayan ruins in the
jungles of Yucatan, we stayed at a palapa at Chichen Itza.There
by the pool our children, in their teens, found a large, grumpy-
looking frog. Green with lumps. May have been a toad. They
also found several large, black, homed beetles which they
induced this frog (or toad) to eat. These beetles were, as I said,
large, with shiny black wing cases and a big wicked looking horn
sticking out of their heads. The frog (or toad) didn't really want to
eat them, but the kids kept presenting them to him, and since
such creatures are basically greedy, he kept gulping them down
After about the sixth one, he kind of croaked. He barfed up a
couple of wing cases and a horn or two and died. The kids were
distraught, but got over it. A lesson in uninhibited greed, that has
stood them well over the years I am sure.
(You were probably hoping that this story would tie in
with the one above, and it was a misplaced Surinam Toad. Well,
it wasn't.)
I have never seen a frog (or toad) in this part of Oregon.
My wife says she saw a frog in the parking strip at the Fred
Meyer store, but I didn't. Something was going Rumph, though.
It may have been the large, uncorseted lady in a pink MuMu,
pushing a full shopping cart while eating a Kosher Dog as she
walked.
In the Pacific Northwest we have slugs. Specifically,
banana slugs some six to eight inches long, spotted like over­
ripe bananas. I'll take a frog any day. These slugs parade about
in the moist undergrowth, snacking on anything that might
bloom. They especially favor the unopened buds of exotic lily
bulbs at $2.50 a crack that I plant every year with such high
hopes, only to see sinuous tracks of snail slime all over the little
buds; and the smacking of the gross, blubbery slug lips keeps
me awake and restive at night. I've tried snail bait of all sorts,
but the only thing that works is the heel of a boot. Which leaves
a slickery residue on the boot heel which then tracks into the
house. Last year there was a reduction in the number of banana
slugs, perhaps because of the dry spring; whatever, I am grate­
ful. They got the lily buds, though.
In short, old chum, enjoy your frogs. They are the
Farmer's Friend, a boon to be cherished, not vilified.
Yrs. in scientific enlightenment.
Jim McCafferty unhappily coexists wth the slimy slugs
of Clatsop County.
JVANITA'S PARTY
SHE’S GIVEN US PARTIES WHEN WE ASKED
NOW IT’S OUR TURN TO GIVE HER A PARTY
F,
ANDS FOOD
EVERAGES
F,
FOR FURTHER INFORMA TION CALL
CHARLOTTE BRUHN
A T OLD TOWN FRAMING 325-5221
OUT OF THE DARK
Out of a long and unremembered night
it comes.
Out of the dark
The cold dark.
where the slow spreading mycelium
devours the dead
The wet dark,
where year and day and night
are not marked or measured.
Out of the cold wet dark
it comes.
Where there have been no stories,
only stillness:
water, starless sky,
and ice
with shrouds of fog, above, below.
Now, a story starts
from a knotting in the mist
the primordium congeals
a waxing, growing moon.
It comes,
rising against the downward pull,
bobbing through decay and dormant grass,
it breaks the soil surface,
cracks the ice.
It comes,
into the sun and dew of dawn.
Its universal veil is torn,
the cap, glistening blood-red
atop the bone-white stalk,
has come to meet the light.
Toadstool, fly mushroom,
fruit body of the world below,
firm as flesh, stuffed with spores:
the daughter-sons, mother-fathers
of all those
who, out of sleep,
wiil one day come
-JIM DOTT
Jim Dott also drew the toadstool He lives
in Astoria