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About The North Coast times-eagle. (Wheeler, Oregon) 1971-2007 | View Entire Issue (April 1, 1990)
PA GE 7 M r* ' ,A,V4. >) * G i?, fi<* ; , \ \ /I < I * X W V Ì ? ■& > M4K K Ä T H E K O L L W I T Z (1 9 1 9 ) ELEGY FOR NORBERT HENRY BUELT B Y L E R O Y N. B U E L T L e R o y B u e lt i s a w r i t e r w h o f o r m e r l y l i v e d in A s t o r i a a n d n o w l i v e s in B o s t o n , M a s s a c h u s e t t s . H is f a t h e r d i e d l a s t A u g u s t . t f w h e n o p e n in g h e r g i f t . S h e w a s p r o u d o f h i s t h o u g h t f u l n e s s a n d f o r h i s n e v e r g iv in g u p . T h e y w a n te d to m a k e e a c h o th e r h a p p y . N o r b e r t H e n ry w a s a u n iq u e m a n , a r i s k t a k e r , a n d h e d i d n o t a l w a y s c o m e o u t on th e p o s i t i v e s i d e o f th e r i s k . H e a n d m o m l e f t t h e i r f a m i l i e s , N e b r a s k a , t w i c e . B o th t i m e s l e a v i n g w ith s o l i t t l e m o n e y a n d r e s o u r c e s t h a t m a n y o f u s h e r e t o d a y w o u ld c r i n g e w ith f e a r a t th e t h o u g h t o f s u c h a n a d v e n t u r e . He t o l d u s k i d s m o r e t h a n o n c e a b o u t th e t i m e h e w a s k i c k e d o f f t h e p r e m i s e s o f t h e B o e in g A i r f i e l d in S e a ttle ; he m a d e h im s e lf a n u is a n c e b e c a u s e h e n e e d e d a jo b . D u rin g h is lif e tim e , jo b - w is e , d a d " m a d e h a y w h ile th e s u n s h i n e d , " s o to s p e a k . H e p l a y e d th e a c c o r d i o n f o r b a r n d a n c e s in h i s y o u th ; a t o n e t i m e h e h a d h i s p i l o t 's lic e n s e ; he ow ned a tru c k in g b u s in e s s th a t f a i l e d ; h e s o l d c a r s ; h e w e n t to s c h o o l to b e c o m e a ta x a s s e s s o r ; he d ro v e c a n n e ry tru c k s a t n ig h t f o r e x t r a m o n e y ; he w as a s t r a w b e r r y f a r m e r and a b e e f c a ttle r a n c h e r an d a s h e e p - h e r d e r , a n d w ho k n o w s w h a t e ls e ! I la u g h w h en I th in k o f h is v e r s a t i l i t y . N o r b e r t w a s an a r t i s t a t m a k in g a liv in g . F a r m i n g a n d c a ttle r a n c h in g w e r e h is f a v o r ite o c c u p a tio n s . He lo v e d w o rk in g o u td o o rs , t e n d i n g th e p l a n t s a n d w a t c h in g t h e m g r o w a n d f i n a l l y b e a r f r u i t , h a v in g th e b a r n c l e a n e d a n d l i s t e n i n g a n d w a t c h in g th e c a t t l e f e e d , l o a d i n g u p t h e t r u c k w ith s t r a w b e r r y f l a t s a n d w a t c h in g t h e m w o b b le p r e c a r i o u s l y d o w n t h e d i r t d r i v e o n t h e i r w a y to th e c a n n e r y . D a w n w a s h i s p r e f e r r e d t i m e of d a y . It w a s h is tim e fo r r e f le c tio n . F iv e , f iv e - th ir ty , you c o u ld c a t c h h i m s t a n d i n g o u t s i d e b a r e f o o t , p is s in g a s te a d y s tr e a m . M eat an d p o ta to e s an d b r e a d an d w a te r w e re h is f a v o r ite m e a l. S m o k in g c i g a r e t t e s , l i s t e n i n g to t a l k s t a t i o n s , p la y in g p o k e r a n d fis h in g w e r e h is c h o ic e s f o r re la x a tio n . I h a v e j u s t s c r a t c h e d t h e s u r f a c e o f h is l i f e . I c o u ld s t a n d h e r e t o d a y a n d g o on a n d o n , a n d in s o m e w a y s I w o u ld l ik e to d o t h a t b e c a u s e I d o n o t w a n t th is m o m e n t to e n d , e v e r . Y et I h a v e n o c h o i c e , j u s t a s d a d h a d n o c h o ic e w ith d e a t h . B u t b e f o r e I e n d t h i s e l e g y , I w o u ld lik e to s h a r e a r e c e n t m e m o r y o f N o r b e r t w ith y o u . O n th e a i r p l a n e f r o m B o s t o n to O r e g o n f o r t h i s u n w a n te d o c c a s i o n I c a m e a c r o s s a q u o te by K u r t V o n n e g u t, th e A m e r i c a n w r i t e r , w h o o n c e s a i d o f d e a th a n d m o m e n t s s h a r e d w ith lo v e d o n e s , "W e a r e w r o n g to t h in k t h a t m o m e n t s g o a w a y , n e v e r to b e s e e n a g a i n . T h i s m o m e n t and e v e ry m o m e n t la s ts f o r e v e r ." L a s t s u m m e r I l e f t B o s to n a n d c a m e h o m e to O r e g o n f o r tw o m o n t h s . I h a d r e c e n t l y s e p a r a t ed fro m a w o m an , and m o m and dad g ra c io u s ly l e t m e h id e o u t w ith in t h e i r p r o t e c t i o n . D a d l o v e d to f i s h , a lt h o u g h h e n e v e r d id m u c h o f it, a n d h i s f a v o r i t e ty p e o f f i s h i n g w a s b u l l h e a d f is h in g . He s a t m e do w n one a fte rn o o n a n d a s k e d m e i f I w o u ld g o f i s h i n g w ith h im — b u l l h e a d f i s h i n g . I t o l d h i m j o k i n g l y I w o u ld g o , b u t t h a t if I c a u g h t a b u l l h e a d h e w o u ld h a v e to r e m o v e it f r o m th e h o o k . He l a u g h e d a t m e , t e a s e d m e s o m e , a n d t h e n s a i d , " T h e r e 's n o t h in g to b e a f r a i d o f, s o n . T h e s t i n g e r s w o n 't h u r t i f y o u k n o w h o w t o h o ld th e f i s h r i g h t . " He l a u g h e d a g a i n a n d p a t t e d m y s h o u l d e r a n d to ld m e h e w o u ld d o t h a t f o r m e w ith p l e a s u r e . N o r t h w e s t o f V e r b o o r t w e w e n t to a n i r r i g a t i o n p o n d o w n e d b y a m a n he k n e w . ( T h a t is a n o t h e r th in g a b o u t d a d . I s w e a r he k n e w e v e r y b o d y in h i s a r e a , a n d h e l o v e d to c h a t . ) It w a s a w a r m a f t e r n o o n , m u c h l ik e th e d a y w e h a v e to d a y . I f is h e d f o r a w h ile , th e n g a v e u p , d e c i d i n g I w o u ld r a t h e r e x p l o r e th e s h o r e l i n e . W h ile d o in g s o I fo u n d a g r e e n w o o d e n b o a t t i e d to a t r e e s t u m p , h i d d e n b y th e o v e r h a n g i n g b r a n c h e s o f a w e e p in g w illo w . T h e b o a t e m e r g e d f r o m th e c u r t a i n o f w e e p i n g w illo w b r a n c h e s a n d w h e n d a d s a w m e in i t h e s h o o k h i s h e a d in s lig h t d is g u s t an d g av e m e a m e s s a g e I h a d got f r o m h i m a h u n d r e d t i m e s : " C a n 't y o u e v e r s i t s t i l l ? A lw a y s f i d d l i n g w ith s o m e t h i n g , a r e n ' t you? " I r o w e d to th e m i d d l e o f th e p o n d w i t h in e a s y ta lk in g d is ta n c e of d a d . He s a t d e a d s ti l l on h is l a w n c h a i r a m i d s t th e t a l l g r a s s a n d s p i n d l y c a t t a i l s . P o l e in b o th h a n d s , f e e t f i r m l y o n th e g r o u n d , s t r a w h a t on h i s h e a d , t h e r m o s c u p o f i c e w a t e r b a l a n c e d o n th e a r m o f t h e c h a i r , h e s t a r e d i n t e n t l y a t th e b a s e b a l l - s i z e d r e d a n d w h ite b o b b e r f l o a t i n g o n t o p o f th e w a t e r . H e w a s h a p p y , p e a c e f u l, c o n te n t. O h, how I lo v e d h i m b u t c o u ld n o t a l w a y s p l e a s e h i m . He c a u g h t tw o b u l l h e a d s . I c a u g h t z e r o b u l l h e a d s . H e g l o a t e d w ith t h i s f a c t , a n d a s u s u a l h e b r o u g h t th e m h o m e f o r m o m to c le a n . B e f o r e w e p u t o u r g e a r a w a y a n d q u it f i s h i n g h e s a i d s o m e t h i n g t o m e t h a t a t th e t i m e I d i d n o t r e s p o n d to b e c a u s e I w a s n o t s u r e h o w h e m e a n t i t . H e s a i d i t c a l m l y , a s if d e l i v e r i n g a m e s s a g e . It d id n o t s e e m t o m e t h a t h e w a s t a l k i n g a b o u t f i s h i n g , e n t i r e l y . I t h in k h e w a s t a l k i n g a b o u t h o w s h o r t l if e i s a n d t h a t o n e n e v e r k n o w s w h en o n e w ill n o t s e e one a n o th e r a g a i n . T h e q u o te c a m e b a c k to m e t h i s m o r n in g a s I w a s s i t t i n g in K e n n y 's w o r k s h o p w r i t in g t h i s t r i b u t e . D a d s a i d , " Y o u d o n 't k n o w w h a t y o u 'r e m i s s i n g , s o n . " M any tim e s f o r u s h u m a n b e in g s r e s p o n s e s c o m e to o l a t e . B u t o n e m u s t s a y t h e m a n y w a y . D a d , N o r b e r t H e n r y , i f y o u c a n h e a r m e in t h a t r u f f le - li n e d , b r o n z e - c o lo r e d c a s k e t, b e lie v e m e , I do k n o w w h at I a m m is s in g . Y et I a ls o k n o w w h a t I w ill h a v e f o r th e r e s t o f m y l if e b e c a u s e of y o u , a n d I w ill n e v e r f o r g e t. F a r e w e l l d a d , N o r b e r t . T a k e c a r e . I lo v e y o u . We lo v e y o u . r r f r m G ood m o r n in g . T h a n k y o u a ll f o r c o m in g . I now t h a t d a d , N o r b e r t , w o u ld h a v e b e e n p r o u d F s u c h a g a th e r in g f o r h im . T o d a y i s a b a d d a y . Y e t w i t h in t h i s w a r m , v e r c a s t d a y I h o p e to f in d a s l i v e r o f h a p p i - e s s . I b e lie v e th is s li v e r of h a p p in e s s I am e a r c h i n g f o r e x i s t s w i t h i n m e , e x i s t s w i t h in a c h of u s . It e x i s t s in o u r i n d i v i d u a l m e m o r - ;s o f N o r b e r t H e n r y B u e l t . T h e s e m e m o r i e s , lo m e n ts , h a p p y a n d s a d , w ith in e a c h of o u r s p e r i e n c e s w ith N o r b e r t , a r e t o d a y t r a n s f e r r e d > a ll of u s a s a c o lle c tiv e by th e f a c t th a t we iv e ta k e n th e tim e o u t o f o u r r e g im e n te d d a y s > g a t h e r t o g e t h e r a n d s a y g o o d b y e to a m a n w e >ve. T h i s i s a p o w e r f u l h u m a n m o m e n t . N o r b e rt H e n ry — d a d , w as fo r m a n y of us a la n o f m a n y m o o d s , a m a n o f m a n y f r e e f l o w i n g l e a s a n d c r e a t i o n s , a n d a m a n w ith a s t r o n g , r e a t i v e l o v e f o r l i f e j u s t to h a v e e n d u r e d h i s l e d i c a l d i f f i c u l t i e s . F o r th e l a s t t h i r t y - f i v e e a r s , e v e n m o r e s o t h e l a s t f i f t e e n to tw e n ty ■ e a rs , h e l i v e d w ith th e d a i l y a n g u i s h t h a t d e a t h , he e n d of h is r i c h , c r e a t i v e lif e , m ig h t be r o u n d t h e n e x t c o r n e r , w i t h in r e a c h o f th e ie x t h e a r t b e a t ; w h ic h w a s i n f a c t th e w a y h e lie d . O n e m o m e n t h e w a s t r i m m i n g r o s e s , th e ie x t c l u t c h i n g h i s c h e s t , c a l l i n g to m o m , " H e lp n e ! H e lp m e ! " F o r a s l o n g a s I c a n r e m e m b e r , N o r b e r t 's ife w a s a s t e a d y d i e t o f a f i s t f u l o f p i l l s in th e n o r n i n g a n d e v e n i n g . H e a l s o l i v e d w ith th e m n ip o te n t p o s s ib ility a n d r e a l i t y of s tin g in g e e d le s , tu b e s of a ll s h a p e s an d s iz e s e n te rin g .n d e x i t i n g h i s b o d y , n u r s e s a n d d o c t o r s p o k in g ,n d p r o b i n g h i m , w e i r d - l o o k i n g m a c h i n e s h o v e r - ng o v e r h im , e m ittin g b e e p s a n d s o lid to n e s nd w h is tle s , su d d e n c o d e s of e m e rg e n c y su m - n o n in g c a r d i a c e x p e r t s , a n d o n a n d o n . Y e t h e i v e d w ith i t . H e l o v e d l i f e . " G iv e m e o n e m o r e e a r , " h e w o u ld s a y a t C h r i s t m a s t i m e , " a n d 'd b e a h a p p y m a n . " T w o m o n t h s a g o in E l g i n , N e b r a s k a , w e s a t o g e t h e r o n th e f r o n t y a r d o f m y a u n t 's h o u s e ind h e s p o k e a b o u t h i s c h i l d r e n . " M y f a m i l y is n y l i f e , " h e s a i d e a r n e s t l y . " I lo v e a l l o f m y : h i l d r e n e q u a l l y , a n d I 'm p r o u d of e a c h a n d ¡v e ry o n e o f t h e m ." A s I w a s ta lk in g to P a u l- ¡ tte , m y s i s t e r , tw o d a y s a g o w h ile w e lo o k e d tt d a d 's b o d y a t t h e m o r t u a r y , s h e c o m m e n t e d h a t e a c h o f u s k id s — J a n e t, G a ry , P a u le tte , J h ir le y , L in d a , K e n n y , D o r is , D e b b ie , m y s e lf, in d D o u g la s (w h o d i e d a t b i r t h ) — h a d o u r o w n i p e c i a l r e l a t i o n s h i p w ith h i m . A n d it i s s o t r u e : ie w a s a n i n d i v i d u a l w ith e a c h o f u s . We e a c h ta d o u r m o m e n t s , p l e a s a n t a n d u n p l e a s a n t . •'o r u s k i d s , w h o k n o w s h o w m a n y c a r lo a n im p l ic a ti o n s h e s i g n e d . W ho k n o w s h o w m a n y l i f f i c u l t s i t u a t i o n s h e h e l p e d u s w ith . He d id a o t , a lo n g w ith m o m . F o r h i s w ife — m y m o t h e r — V io le t H e n k e n iu s 3 u e lt, w h a t c a n b e s a i d ? F o r t y - n i n e , a l m o s t if ty y e a r s o f m a r r i a g e to th e s a m e m a n s a y s t a ll. On s p e c ia l o c c a s io n s — b irth d a y s , a n n i v e r s a r i e s , M o t h e r 's D a y — I c a n r e c a l l d a d 's i d g e t y a n x i o u s n e s s b e f o r e m o m o p e n e d h is ¡ if t. He w a s p r o u d o f h e r , o f h e r s p i r i t a n d > a tie n c e . I c a n s t i l l r e c a l l m o m 's lo o k o f lo v e
