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Illinois Valley News, Cave Junction, OR Wednesday, March 19, 2003
National Organization of Proper English
(NOPE)
MEMO TO: Chief Wordsmith/Moon Base ‘Challenger’
FROM: Field Agent AR-88, Pacific Northwest Sector
Sir: Following is the latest sector monthly report on cita-
tions issued for violations under Federal Statute 92-VR --
* * *
*Based on satellite-based microphones and long-
distance photos, we have cited 35,607 persons for saying,
“Where’s it at?” or uttering similar statements with words
including “ain’t” for “isn’t”; “orientated” instead of
“oriented,” and not knowing that media and criteria are plu-
ral words. A total of 14 municipal officials were cited for
not knowing the definition of “et al.” or for saying or writ-
ing “and etc.”, the latter being a violation of the Redun-
dancy Act.
*Using uniformed NOPE officers of the retail store divi-
sion, 659 businesses were fined for having signs reading,
“In-store specials,” listed as Class-B infractions under the
“Doesn’t Make Sense Ordinance,” or for placing apostro-
phes in plural words. In addition, 1,584 businesses were
fined because officers were forced to explain that plurals do
not take apostrophes, but are used only to denote possession,
or in certain abbreviations or contractions.
*In the “Miscellaneous Category,” we have cited 81,346
persons for not knowing the difference between “expect”
and “anticipate”, “medium” and “median”, and for overuse
of “impact” instead of “affect.”
*Plainclothes officers are working diligently to eradicate
the problem of people not using proper tenses, mixing sin-
gular nouns with plural verbs, and vice versa. (Note: We
have fined 677 persons for saying or writing “vice-a-versa.”
It is our hope that by continued efforts, we at NOPE will
be able to curtail our efforts. We suggest that grammar in-
struction at all grade levels be strengthened, and that those
not in school classes be directed to undergo remedial educa-
tion and then have to pass a competency test.
Yours for Good Grammar: Agent AR-88
Illinois Valley News
An Independent Weekly Newspaper Co-owned and
published by Robert R. (Bob) and Jan Rodriguez
Bob Rodriguez, Editor El Jefe
Entered as second class matter June 11, 1937 at Post Office as
Official Newspaper for Josephine County and Josephine County
Three Rivers School District, published at 321 S. Redwood Hwy.,
Cave Junction, OR 97523
Periodicals postage paid at Cave Junction, OR 97523
Post Office Box 1370 USPS 258-820
Telephone (541) 592-2541, FAX (541) 592-4330
Volume 65, No. 52
Staff: Cindy Newton, Britt Fairchild,
Chris Robertson, Sharon Silva & Becky Loudon
Member: Oregon Newspaper Publishers Association
DEADLINES:
News, Classified & Display Ads,
Announcements & Letters
3 P.M. FRIDAY
(Classified ads will be accepted until
Noon, Monday with an additional charge.)
POLICY ON LETTERS: ‘Illinois Valley News’ welcomes
letters to the editor provided they are of general interest, in
good taste, legible and not libelous. All letters must be
signed, using complete name, and contain the writer’s
address and telephone number. The latter need not be
published, but will be used to verify authenticity. The
‘News’ reserves the right to edit letters. One letter per
person per month. Letters are used at the discretion of the
publisher. Unpublished letters are neither acknowledged
nor returned. A prepaid charge may be levied if a letter is
inordinately long in the editor's opinion.
SUBSCRIPTION RATES
One year in Josephine County - $20.80
One year in Jackson and Douglas Counties - $24.40
One year in all other Oregon counties and out-of-state -$28
POSTMASTER:
Please send address changes to
P.O. Box 1370, Cave Junction, OR. 97523
(Editor’s Note: Views and
commentary expressed in
letters to the editor are
strictly those of the letter-
writers.
* * *
Typed,
double-spaced
letters are acceptable for
consideration.
Hand-
written letters that are
double-spaced and highly
legible also can be con-
sidered for publication.
Cards of thanks are not
accepted as letters.)
* * *
‘Pornography what?’
From Mike Motley
Cave Junction
Recently in the mail I re-
ceived what I call my first
“Hate Mail.” The caption
read, “Pornography, The Road
To Hell.”
I was amazed at this per-
son’s view on life. They obvi-
ously don’t know me well.
It was a three-page letter
on Internet computer pornog-
raphy and how all us “men”
were evil, no-good sinners.
The purpose of my re-
sponse is this. First, I am not
one of your “Internet Porn
Surfers” and never have I paid
one dime for such items on the
computer.
Many years ago, when I
first got my computer I fol-
lowed a few pop-ups, etc., but
never bought any of the so-
called “free memberships.”
Now I believe that the
“person” who sent this “no
return address” letter has a
misunderstanding of a busi-
ness that my partner and I are
putting in the valley.
We propose to open an
adult novelty and gift shop --
not a porno shop.
There will not now, or
ever, be so-called “porno
booths” or “porno movie
viewing” in our business.
I know there will be peo-
ple upset about it, and there
will be people who are not. I
would like to point out when
you read the local paper there
are many things happening in
this valley that people don’t
like.
We are a fairly small com-
munity, but we manage to fill
up a whole page of “Police
Blotter” every week.
We are not out to hurt
anyone. I would think that
with all the businesses open-
ing and closing all over town
that someone starting a busi-
ness would get a little support.
After all this is America, and
just because you do not sup-
port my choices does not
mean that other’s choices too
should be condemned.
Freedom of independent
private sexual expression in
one’s own home is not a
crime, nor should it be treated
as such.
I would like to point out
the availability of sexual aids
is already in Medford and
Merlin. I would also point out
that people who think “adult
sex or lovemaking” is a crime
should wonder where they
came from, and where their
children came from?
I would guess it was be-
tween two consenting adults
in most cases.
I hope this helps clear up
my issues and the “issue” of
“us men” being, or should I
say, me, being an “Internet
Porn King.”
‘Women in Black’
From Lee Paxton
Cave Junction
I have never written a let-
ter to a newspaper before, but
today was the day.
Recently I was in Down-
town Cave Junction and I saw
some people dressed in black
standing on the corner of
Lister Street and Hwy. 199. I
was told it is a group of
women who stand there in
silence with placards and
signs. I was also told that their
goal is to protest the decisions
that our current government is
making in regard to the de-
ployment of U.S. troops to the
Middle East and the possibil-
ity of war with Iraq.
Having served in the U.S.
Army and been deployed a
couple of times myself into
countries that are far less hab-
itable than ours and having
been in situations far less
comfortable than we find here
in Southern Oregon, I won-
dered what would prompt
such bizarre behavior? It made
me angry to see what those
people were doing and why.
What perspective of the
world, and the way our United
States compares to that world,
do they have?
Don’t they know what
selfish actions such as protests
against our government and
our way of life do to the mo-
rale of the military, not to
mention our citizens and com-
munities?
Don’t they understand that
their protest weakens our
country’s resolve and under-
mines our standing in the in-
ternational community. At the
same time it strengthens our
enemy’s (the terrorists) re-
solve and standing.
Don’t they understand that
now is the time for us to sup-
port our government and mili-
tary through prayer, words
and deeds?
I have two sons in the
U.S. Army. My oldest son is a
sergeant E-7 deployed twice,
once to Grenada with the 82nd
Airborne at Ft. Bragg and
once to the Gulf War.
My youngest son is a 1st
lieutenant, who just returned
to Ft. Bragg in May from a
six-month deployment to a
lovely place: Afghanistan.
When I returned home last
week a call came from my
youngest son (he had been on
a 24-hour standby), saying
that he would be leaving in a
couple of hours for (you guess
where, ‘cause he couldn’t
say). He had just come home
to say good-bye to his wife
and children and give us a
call.
I told him about the
Women in Black and how an-
gry I felt. His reply was,
“Yeah, I know dad, but don’t
be mad. That’s what we do,
it’s our duty to protect their
safety and freedom to pro-
test.”
I guess I’d forgotten that,
but it reminded me of some-
thing that my older son had
told me when I asked him why
he was going to leave a good
job and re-enlist in the Army.
His answer was, “In the Army
every day I train with men
(Continued on page 3)
THEATER NO MORE - The former Ivy Theater, operated by
Jack Goldwasser, in Downtown Cave Junction closed for
business approximately 20 years ago. The building now is
owned by Mike Murphy, who is refacing the front for a sim-
pler look. Murphy plans to use his building for storing vari-
ous items that he owns.
Josephine County
Fairgrounds
Grants Pass