16 Winter 2012 Applegater
Dolores Durando Short Story
Following is a short story from Dolores Durando’s yet-to-be-published book about
her mischievous, blue-ribbon winning miniature donkey, Tennessee Ernie.
Voices of the Applegate
will sing again
Voices of the Applegate ended
their fall session with two concerts in
November, one in Jacksonville and
the other at the Applegate Lodge. The
program was full of exciting pieces from
the classics of Vivaldi and Handel to
songs from ABBA and Africa.
We will be starting our spring
session on January 16, 2013, with
rehearsals at the Applegate Library,
18485 North Applegate Road, every
Wednesday evening from 7 to 8:30
pm. The session will last 12 weeks
with concerts on Friday, April 12, and
Sunday, April 14. The times and places
for the events will be announced in the
next Applegater.
We are a community choir; no
auditions are necessary. We love to
sing four-part harmony in a variety of
arrangements from classical to modern.
All are invited to attend our rehearsals
and become part of our energetic
choir directed by Blake Weller and
accompanied by his lovely and talented
wife Julie.
For more information, call Joan Peterson at 541-846-6988.
The Christmas bells were ringing,
In the meantime, those panty hose
lights twinkled from every storefront, last- had sneaked down and were nudging
minute shoppers were crowding the aisles. my boot tops. I was nearly on my knees,
We had not gone very far when I securely hobbled. Those panty hose had
became aware that some sinister force was accomplished in a very short time what my
at work below the belt line.
male companion had tried to do for years.
Unobtrusively, I tugged frantically to
I staggered to the curb, sat down
restore those panty hose to their original and cried. A man came over and said
position, but to no avail.
sympathetically, “Lady, you seem to be in
My steps were slowed to a crawl trouble, can I help you?”
and to just keep my balance became a
“Yes,” I sobbed, “do you have a knife?”
challenge.
Ernie got
Ernie said,
hysterical. “What?
“Why are you
A knife? A knife?
stumbling around
Don’t do it. Please
like that? Stand
don’t do it. I’ll be
up. I’m surprised a
good. There’s always
woman of your age
hope. Think of your
would walk in that
children. Think of
suggestive manner.
me. You know I
You’re embarrassing
can’t stand the sight
me.”
of blood. I’m calling
“Well, Ernie,” I
nine-one-one.”
said, “since you ask,
“Ernie,” I said,
I’m having a problem
“turn your back,
that I really can’t
close your eyes, stop
explain to you. Ladies
blubbering.”
of my generation
I kicked off my
do not discuss their
boots and with a few
intimate apparel with
strokes of the knife I
The spoiled Tennessee Ernie showing off—
the opposite sex.”
freed myself from the
and probably winning a blue ribbon for his
“Sex, sex?” Ernie
beloved owner, Dolores Durando. clutches of those one-
snickered. “What do
size-fits-all that had
old ladies know about sex? Say, did I ever threatened to paralyze me for life.
tell you the one about…”
“Free. Free at last.” I skipped down
“Ernie,” I gasped. “Hush your the street like a sixteen-year-old. I wanted
mouth and give me a hand here before I to detour the feed store but Ernie wouldn’t
fall down.”
hear of it.
With every step, those panty hose
They laughed when they saw us
crept lower, coiling around me like a boa coming. The wannabe in the bib overalls
constrictor.
said, “Hey, mama. You’re a lot spryer goin’
As we neared the feed store, a couple than comin’.”
of wannabe cowboys were lounging on
Ernie stepped closer. Suddenly there
the porch. They started to laugh when was a scream of pain and an outraged voice
they saw us. The tall, skinny one with bellowed, “Lookit my boots. My brand
the bib overalls and the shiny new boots new boots are all ruint. I think my foot is
said,“Lookit that. Lookit the swing on broke and I’m all messed up.”
that old mama when she walks. Wisht I
Ernie said innocently, but with a
had a swing like that in my backyard. And devilish twinkle in his eye, “Pardon me,
lookit that fuzzy-looking dog leading her.” I’m so sorry. Did I accidentally splatter
Ernie was furious.
you when your foot got under my foot?
“Ernie,” I said, “ignore that ignorant Imagine that. I can see that green is not
creature, I’m in real trouble here. Have your best color. Sorry about that. Merry
I not stood by you in your time of need? Christmas to you, too.”
Your operation? When you got your teeth
“Ernie,” I said, “I love you. Let’s skip
floated? The farrier thing?”
all the way home.” And we did.
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