4 Halloween
Faculty
Poll:
Halloween
Clackamas Pri
Wednesday. Oct. 26, 2005
Local Halloween haunts
is rumored to be scarier than
Located in the Jantzen Beach!
Center, this attraction offersi
thing for all ages and scream
ances. The web site, wwwsce
thebeach.com, has a scary;
that allows parents to chooser
house will be appropriate for
child’s temperament.
In addition to the haunted
es, there are three five shows
card reading, a gift shop, snac
and games. The exhibit J
What treats
do []ou
give out on
Halloween?
“Small arms.
Occasionally
small legs.”
Kimberly Maier Clackamas Print
The haunted house at Oaks Park, Scream Land, is ready to make you scream with colorful
and scary monsters.
Chris Whitten
Kimberly Maier
“I don’t give
any candy,
and the rea
son why is
because the
kids stopped
coming.”
The Clackamas Print
David Smith-English
Local residents looking' for a
good scare this Halloween have
their pick when it comes to attrac
tions featuring scary ghouls and
ghastly goblins.
z
For ultimate thrill-seekers look
ing for a heart-pounding exhibit full
of blood, torture and screams at
every turn, Scream Land at Oaks
Park is the way to go. Leave the
kiddies at home for this one, folks.
Tickets for the “Thrillogy,” which
features three terrifying haunted
houses, can be purchased for $18.
Disturbing figures are hidden in
every nook and cranny of the house,
and the actors take die gig very seri
ously. Every detail of this haunted
house is intended to scare the pants
off anyone who dares to enter.
The sets at Scream Land are
very realistic. The exhibits featur
ing autopsy tables actually smell
like formaldehyde, another turn
of the comer fills the nostrils with
the aroma of gasoline or a rotten
swamp.
Scream at the beach is having
its fifth anniversary this year and
ues through Oct. 31 and ticks
available online. $20 gets yd
most of the attractions and
discounts are available.
Willamette Falls Tela
Station on Main Street in Q
City is hosting a not-so-hJ
house on the night of Hallo
starting at 4:30 p.m and lasting
7:30 p.m The theme is the 1
Wild Wesf ’ and the whole ev
will be filmed on five televisior
“It’s
have what I like to call the
factor’ without all the bloor
guts,” commented Studio Ma
Melody Ashford. “Kids reali)
it because they get to be oi
TV.”
Costing the theme houses ever
since 1998. There is candyh
out after the exhibit, and “i
free, a very good price.”
15th century dummy's guide to witch huntin
“Tombstone” Tombe
I Ço-Editor-in-Chief
Jan Bishop
Whether you call it the
“Malleus
Maleficarum”
or
“I don’t
have trick-
or-treaters
because I
live on a
flag lot.”
“Der Hexenhammer” (to-MAY-
to, to-MAH-to), “The Witches’
Hammer” is a hell of a read.
The “Malleus Maleficarum”
Katie Hovanic
Nora Brodnicki
Sharman Graham
was the definitive guidebook
used by the church to hunt
witches in the 15th century.
The small-mindedness of peo
ple never ceases to amaze me,
especially when these same
small minds carry so much
imagination.
The guide is divided into
three parts. The first part deals
mainly with the philosophy
and theology behind witches
and witchcraft — “proving”
them to be real, and outlining
various powers of witches.
It’s kind of funny that early
in the book, the foremost con
cern is the sexual power of
tvitches (the Inquisition did a
terrible job of suppressing its
fear of powerful women).
There’s even a section dedi
cated
to
“Whether
Witches
may work some Prestidigitory
Illusion so that the Male Organ*
“Chocolate.
Tootsie Rolls
are choco
late.”
Terry Mackie
appears to be entirely removed
and separate from the Body.”
That’s one mean party trick.
My favorite quote from that
section: “There is no doubt that
certain witches can do marvel
ous things with regard to male
organs.” Yeah, baby.
Work
that magic.
The second part explains
how witches’ powers work and
how-to defend against them.
Unfortunately, many of the
“remedies” are just the usual
stuff.
For instance, let’s take
a look in the section titled,
“Remedies
prescribed' for
those who by Prestidigitatory
Art have lost their Virile Mem
bers or have seemingly been
Transformed into the Shapes
of Beasts” (useful in the odd
chance you get turned into a
newt).
The best advice they can
give is “a good confession,”
with the caveat “that they
should as far as possible come
to an amicable agreement with
the witch herself.” So remem
ber, guys, if Mr. Happy & Co.
go missing, the witch has you
by the cojones, both figura
tively and literally. At least
there’s good news. If you do
get turned into a flewt} there’s
a fair chance you’ll get better.
The third part is a legal guide;
it outlines how to proceed with
the trial, sentencing, legal rights
of the accused, etc. Pretty dry
stuff, for the most part.
In a typically patriarchal
manner, the witch had to be
stripped of all clothing and ev
ery hair on her body shaved,
“for in order to preserve their
power of silence they are in
the habit of hiding some super
stitious object in their clothes
or in their hair, or even in the
most secret parts of their bod
ies which must not be named.”
(Sigh.) They were so afraid
of it, they couldn’t even say
its name. Freud would have a
field day with this.
Overall, the “Malleus Ma
leficarum” is an interesting
read (although in my opin
ion, the “Compendium Ma
leficarum” is a bit easier to
handle). There’s a lot of “case
studies” and other stories nes
tled away within the various
sections. Oh, and ladies, if you
want to get really pissed off,
read the section titled “Con
cerning Witches who copulate
with Devils. Why is it that
they should come more
der the spell of witchci
.(2)
“Women are i
lectually
like
child
(3) “All witchcraft o
from
carnal
lust, v
is
in
women insatia
Oh, and the three vic
wicked women that make
susceptible to the lure o
dark side: infidelity, ambi
Women are chiefly addicted to
Evil Superstitions?”
and lust (with emphasis o
latter). Hmm. Methinks
Some of the highlights in
clude:
(1) "... since they are fee
bler both in mind and body,
doth protest too much.
So, with those criteri
mind, how many of you li
it
is
not
surprising
that
out there qualify? (Let’s i
show of hands.)