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December
1, 2004
tberl,
2004
Arts &Entertainn
Christmas m
lacks holiday
Jadon Triplett
The Clackamas Print
(continued from page 1)
Wednesdays andFridays by refus
ing to suckle on those days. •
When older, Nicholas was an
action hero. fri oidei io save three
innocent men from getting behead
ed, he wrestled the sword away
from the executioner and broke
through the locked gates of the city
while helping the three men
escape. It’s like a John Wu
Christmas story.
Santa also stopped an ancient
Hannibal Lecter-like serial killer.
A homicidal innkeeper (or butcher)
killed three young boys, chopped
up their bodies and put the pieces
in pickling tubs. Nicholas heard
about the murders and raised die
boys Jrom die dead, scaring the
bejeezus out of the evil innkeep-
er/butcher, who ran off screaming.
Somehow this Christmas story is
missed when the cartoons and
claymation films come out every
year.
He was so bad (in a good way),
he even went toe-to-toe with die
Greek goddess. Diana.
However, there was a darker
side to the talented Mr. Claus.
jfe did hard time as
Yes, "Santa was arrest^F and i
thrown in prison t^WB ftomans
for practicing Christianity.
Thieves were often called
“Knights of Saint Nicholas,”
because he was their patron saint
(along with students, teachers,
prostitutes, pirates, and pawn-bro-
kers,fo^Bisa;fgi)r
' There fs afeo a bit Of - scandal
involving his remains. Originally
buried in Myra (on the coast of
modern-day Turkey), his body was
“rescued” during the crusades in
1087. He was brought to Bari,
Italy, where he rests today. The
whole sordid affair is outlined in
the 13th-century manuscript, “The
Translation of Saint Nicholas,”
which can be read at www.ford-
ham.edu/halsall/basis/nicholas-
bari.html.
Turkey, however, claims that
they still have three bones of Saint
Nicholas, which are on display in
the Archeological Museum in the
town of j^ai^^WBne can see a
picture of them on the web at
|ygwM^a|^iyavelgeancom/bO:
nes.htm.
,
“It’s very bizarre staring at St,;
Nick’s bopes,” says die narrator of
the web site. “You expect the
Easter Bunny’s femur to be in die
next case over.”
On more of an “X-Files” note,
there is a phenomenon attributed to
Nicholas’ remains called “Manna
of Saint Nicholas.” Apparently, a
pure water or oil seeps from the
tomb that smells like myrrh and
supposedly cures the sick. This
was recorded both at his previous
tomb (which made it a site of pil
grimage before die move) and his
current one.
For more information on the
life of Saint Nicholas, read volume
2 of “The Golden Legend,” a
Medieval text that details the lives
of various saints. A translation can
be found on the web at www.ford-
ham.edu/halsall/basis/goldenle-
gend/GL-vol2-nicholas.html.
“Christmas
with
Kranks” fell short of being an
entertaining holiday film.
To be fair to the filmmak
ers, they were working with
the lamest idea for a movie
since “Glitter.” The plot cen
tered on the idea of two peo
ple wanting to “run away”
from Christmas, and the
“hilarity” that ensues when
their daughter calls at the last
minute, announcing her plans
to come home for Christmas.
The stars of the film, Tim
Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis,
were both overacting dramat
ically. Overacting can be a
good thing when it amounts
to comedic effect, or even for
a kids’ movie, which this is,
but it didn’t really fulfill
either of those ends in a satis
factory manner.
This is
unfortunate,
because
“Christmas with the Kranks”
is billed as a family comedy.
The film does eventually
get watchable, about an hour
into the film, when we find
out that the Krank’s daughter
is coming home. It’s not
“pay-eight-bucks” watchable,
but it is “illegally-download-
the-second-half-of-fhis-
movie-if-you-have-nothing-
better-to-do”
watchable.
This is mostly because of
decent performances by sup-
p ort-
i n g
actors
Dan
Akroyd,
Cheech
Marin, and
Per Sullivan
plays Dew
sion show
Middle.” 1
vide somt
comic relief
wise devo:
funny.
“Christm
Kranks” isi
movie choic
renting. An]
good Christ
do better to
and mone;
Lampoon’s
Vacation,”
other Chris
Santa Claus;
ily’s sake, d
to see “Q
Kranks.”
Simpson lights up the holiday season
were without.
“ReJOYCE” includes eight
well known Christmas classics
The Clackamas Print
such as “Chestnuts Roasting on an
Open Fire” and “O Holy Night.”
Before even attempting to
With each song, Jessica’s unmis
untangle last year’s multi-colored
takably unique voice pierces your
catastrophe of Christmas lights and
soul and brings forth the Christmas
decorating that tree, don’t forget to
spirit.
pop in those good ol’ Christmas
“ReJOYCE” also includes the
tunes.
somewhat disturbing and peculiar
Dare to remove your sacred
track, “I Saw Mommy Kissing
Mariah Carey Christmas CD (only
Santa Claus.” Perhaps this song is
for a little while, I promise!) and
replace it with America’s sweet
familiar and typical to some, but
heart,
Jessica
Simpson’s
for me, I find the lyrics somewhat
“ReJOYCE: The Christmas
strange—but I can’t com
Album.”
plain about the melody. The
Simpson has actually
other track I was unfamiliar
released
two
separate
with was “Breath Of Heaven
Christmas CDs. One is a
(Mary’s Song),” which will
seven track sample CD sold
take some getting used to,
considering that Christmas
exclusively at 7-11 stores,
and the other is the full 11
songs from Mary’s perspec
track album which includes
tive are almost non-existent.
six of the songs on the sample
Nevertheless, Jessica’s
CD.
voice and her updated ver
The sample CD includes
sion of classics are soulfill
great Christmas favorites
and traditional. This is just
such as “Let It Snow,” “What
what you would expect from
Christmas Means to Me,”
the pop idol.
and “The Little Drummer
If you need a great stock
ing staffer, I would suggest
Boy,” which is a duet with
Jessica’s younger sister,
the limited edition, $7 sam
Ashlee Simpson.
ple Christmas CD. If you’re
But we must ask our
looking for a gift, of course,
selves: Are seven songs real
the full $14 album would be
ly going to fulfill our craving
a better choice. Then again,
for festive music^ Of course
why not give both?
not, which is why sly Mrs.
“ReJOYCE” delivers a
Lachey came out with two
sweet and cozy Christmas
albums.
feeling that makes you want
Internet Photo
to put on that knitted
Her album “ReJOYCE” SIMPSON
was named after her late grand really a surprise that Nick Lachey Christmas sweater grandma made
mother, Joyce Adams Simpson, was featured on a Jessica Simpson you and sip hot chocolate by the
better known as “Nanny.” On the album. His status seems to have fire with your family.
back of Jessica’s album there is a transformed from boy-band heart-
Christmas wouldn’t be com
picture of her with her grandmoth throb to sexy superstar Jessica’s plete without Christmas carols,
er and below it a note of dedication sidekick.
and we only get one part of the
from Simpson to her “Nanny.”
While Nick and Ashlee have year to enjoy these blissfill songs,
On the sample CD the established themselves in the unless you believe in the
hard-to-get acoustic version of her music industry, I don’t think that Christmas-in-June theory. So hurry
last single, “Angels,” is the one their performance on her album is and pop in that “ReJOYCE” CD,
track that the album lacks. going to make people want to go pull the cookies out of the oven,
However, the sampler CD shall not out and buy it any more than if it and enjoy while you can!
Amanda Polopolus
overcome the almighty album, as
“ReJOYCE” has 5 additional
tracks that the limited-edition 7-11
CD lacks.
“ReJOYCE” includes a duet of
“Baby It’s Cold Outside” with hus
band Nick Lachey of the almost-
forgotten boy band, 98 Degrees.
After the highly publicized duet
“Where You Are” that the couple
released before their marriage and
their overly popular reality show
“Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica,” I
think that a duet on this CD was
sort of monotonous, and it’s not
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