The Clackamas Print . 9
, 2004
indvik delivers all but consistency
Jennifer Trank
T he C lackamas P rint
INTERNET PHOTO
Four
“Angry Housewives Eating BSh
Bons,” a novel that explores the var
ious roles of women and their rela
tionships with both their friends and
families, is somewhat less of a treat
to read than the bon bons in the tide
would be to eat
While perusing this saga by
Lorna Landvik, the reader faces a
bumpy struggle to -find rhythm in
her writing.
Landvik
introduces
five
women—neighbors on Frcesia
Court, a dead-end street in
Minneapolis—who start a book
club and become lifelong friends.
Kari, the oldest of the group, loses
her husband prematurely to illness
and longs for the baby they were
never able to conceive. Audrey, the
Jeff Sorensen
T he C lackamas P rint
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the StcsiÀ.
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will get intm.aWBfitJhcstinv situa
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tion involving a .bafhmb full of
gelatin, a fScUH Jpd a hamster
named HaroW-L^
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Iggtential angst
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speaking in the first person seem to
be less central to the story than some
of those presented in the third.
While most readers are likely to
be drawn to one or more of the
women, sortie characters are not
developed enough to captivate the
reader’s interest or compassion. It is
also difficult to relate completely to
one character or another, as they
tend not to deviate from the person
ality given to them by Landvik, mak
ing them a bit unbelievable.
In addition, each main character
has so many children and other fam
ily members they are difficult to keep
straight without slowing to a snail’s
pace when reading about a neighbor
hood barbecue or Christmas party.
It’s'tough at times to remember, for
example, whether Grant is Audrey’s
son or her gay neighbor.
Although it may take a while (the
first hundred pages or so) to be
drawn into the novel and feel com
pelled to reach for the book to see
what happens next——it eventually
provides sufficient entertainment to
encourage the reader through the
four-hundred-plus pages. While
not
masterfully
written, it is fre
quently engag
ing, occasion
ally touching
and seldom a
bore.
“Angry
Housewives
Eating Bon
Bons” can be
purchased
online or at
most book
stores
for
$13.95.
LANDVIK
Screenplay proves to be true disaster
as Emmerich can't weather own storm
Horoscope for today
flatneA
self-proclaimed sex expert, is fun
loving and a bit on the wild side
Slip is a spunky political activist with
the strength of an ox. Merit is an
insecure beauty who suffers the
abuse of her husband in silence.
And Faith, who seems normal on
the surface, hides the misery of a
past life filled with disappointment
and shame.
The novel follows the lives of
these women from their youth to old
age, spanning births of children,
ends of marriages and deaths of
loved ones. The love of good
friends and a plate of brownies
assuage many of life’s crises.
The most troubling aspect of this
novel is that Landvik wrote in the
third person for some characters and
the first for others. This is not only
confusing, but seems to have no
logic, as some of the characters
Cancer (Jun 22 - Jul 22) In a
moment ofidWWghtcnment,
you will
tta Jblank essay.
Unfortuni(tGh',^^ty instructor
will be nd^u^^^rhtened nor
amused.
2|O|g.22) You will
prophecy
O^^PKW“no pants”
Virgo (Aug j&^&CP 22) Time to
get a new ^ni^Tij*ci’>Uipani<>n this
month (<|||i’i ¡ e I m ask about
what happened 8n ypur pet ham
ster Harold). '
fig|f*Wct 23) You
taxdflhanSial risks this
numbers are
«■tad 7.
Scorpio
will gain
(fame. Watch
“Amcrica|| IjMf1! wanted” for
details.
.
iS i^^r 22 - Dee 21)
ly
will be the
e®scxle of “Jerry
Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19) You
will read \fetir?hftaasW>pe today.
KtfW Feb 18) Who
Mhflwye was just a
Pisces (Feb 19 Mar 20) You
will find happiness ui the only
place sonjfenm 1^0 you can—
the dictiomtiy.
21) Yoi|
iote: James Tombe is not a real doctor, and therefore should not
e taken seriously. Any actions based on these predictions are
[olely thetpoor choice of the reader, and will warrant nothing
iiss than Condescending snickers from the staff of this paper.
“The Day After TomtMhir’’was
written and directed by Roland
Emmerich, the man who iMuvht us
“Stargatc” ' and “Indllfcndencc
Day,” and the film sSH “The
Rookie” himself, Dennis^Riaid. So
the question is: What thejlfcck hap
pened?
Conceptually, this mc^B has all
the necessary elements W* a good
natural disaster flick. A tawjfed cast,
a promising director ancha method
for destroying the world Hit hasn’t
been done in recent mdMBry. The
trouble is, as it has been saH writers
shouldn’t direct, and ^»rectors
should never write.
As director, writer antjjproduccr,
Emmerich seems to havIKirgottcn
this. Scene after scene is IKturbing-
ly reminiscent of his ‘‘M and ‘96
alien films. Upon further research, tri
fact, it appears that the \ ast majority
of the camera angles and move
ments were identical.
The movie begins with a scene
where our hero, the dashing, distin
guished
meteorologist
from
Washington, JD.C., nearly falls to his
doom from a perilous crack in ihe
- glacier vvherd he arid his felljiw doc-
tor-types have sef'Etp camp. He pro
ceeds to nrcscn.this findings.in front
of several ksatfets of the world and
urges t^rfffto
.to-prevent the next ice .igc,prcsuy
'ably anywhere from Wfr to '1'XXkl'
■years away.
K Meanwhile, the doctor’s son,
who has joined -an academic
t||rkith)pn team for
private school, leaves for New York
to comp&tq alongside the beautiful
girl he joined the team forin the first
place and th<sfc< bnlliant-yet-quirky
teammate.
'><<
Meanwhile, baaBui IT®» our
hero finds himself begging tBpres-
ident to reconsider allowing him
access to the computirigSiftnology
he needs to determine exactly when
, this disaster is going to occur.
Meanwhile, the doctor api his
about six to eight months away. Did
they say six to eight months? Oops,
they meat»: six to eight days.
Then wc see a series of manda
tory “di|istcrous” events (like
*gasp* rain!) as the doctor’s son gets
trapped i® the New York Public
library with his friends and they
fight to keep warm.
Meanwhile, the meteorologist’s
I wife, a doctor at a cancer research
Land treatmlnt facility, talks to her
’ SO-year-oSgpaticnt about the “trip”
, ■is narey have taken to an
^unknownjlland for an unexplained
reason while he reads “Peter Pan,”
the story pf the boy who never
wanted toiow Up.
To be flank, the writing was so
incrediblwicdundant that it’s hard
to accepflfls a decent screenplay,
even by ¿Hollywood standards.
Fmmcrichjias produced incredible
sci-fi movies in the past, but with
^gdits ^»‘Godzilla.” it’s a wonder
he didn’t figure it out before.
'•
said ... writers should
out, through hours (minutes) of never direct, and directors like
research that the coming “ice age” is Emmerich should never, ever write
actually not 100 years away; it’s ... unless there ate aliens.
.
d|
rt||l
■
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INTERNET PHOTO
Media heartthrob Jake Gyllenhaal (FRONT, CENTER) plays Sam Hall, with newcomer Emmy
Rossum (RIGHT) as love interest Laura Chapman. The couple, having nearly been washed
away with a taxi cab, run up the steps of the New York Public Library from a tidal wave.