Time to eliminate grocery cart road rage Volunteer's passion
Marvin Baker
columnist
I Shopping would be a lot simpler
if companies would make an effort
to gear their merchandising toward
the way people really live, instead
of inflicting some marketing whiz’s
vision for consumer submission
upon us. Diabolically lain floor
plans draw us further and further
from reality into a world of green
ketchup, blue crinkle-cut fries and
pasteurized, processed cheese-food
stuffed hotdogs, hiding what we’re
really looking for behind the frozen
wfaffle treats. I know, they’ve con
vinced you to pass it off on your
kids as fun food, but remember, it
wasn’t so long ago that fun food
was something that didn’t try to eat
you first. I’m thinking fun food is
a grown-up concept that children
shouldn’t be embracing until
they’re older (see “9 Vi Weeks” for
■arification).
I Can you imagine what that
movie would’ve been like if
Mickey Rourke had grown up
believing green ketchup was cool?
I’m thinking two-and-a-half hours
of Kim Basinger being tormented
by a guy in a Storm Trooper outfit
from the Sharper Image, building t J
the final climatic scene where she
rips the packaging from his-Boba
Fett action figures and storms out
of his
mother’s
basement.
Fortunately, back then they didn’t
have green ketchup, and we were
treated to a rather steamy culinary
display as well as a warning as to
how important it is to turn the tide
against the spin-doctors of the
retail establishment.
For myself, I tend to relate all
trips to the store into the dreaded
polyester-queen dodging exercise
in anger management called gro
cery shopping; it may be a simplis
tic view, but things are much easier
for me this way.
First, on my hit list would be a
firmer set of protocols to deal with
those who seem to think express is
a relative term. You know who you
are. Busy with your checkbook,
refusing to make eye contact with
the rest of us as if we’re not going
to notice you’re trying to smuggle
an entire Thanksgiving dinner
through the ten-items-or-less lane.
Personally, I don’t understand why
we just stand there and mutter to
ourselves, as if you’re going to
shame yourself into slinking away
to a regular line, but we all do. I’m
just as guilty as the next person, so,
here are a couple of thoughts to
make enforcement of the express
lane more ideal: A) there shouldn’t
be a single pen, pencil or crayon
allowed within 50 feet of the
checkout, B) staff these registers
with road rage diversion pro-
gramees who can’t count past ten,
and C) double coupons for every
item you have the stones to remove
from an offender’s cart.
Finally, we need marketers to
use a more rational placement of
products that compliment one
another to expedite our trip through
the store. I’m not talking about
simply moving the ketchup to a dis
play next to the potatoes. I’m
thinking total, real world placement
that makes sense, i.e., stocking air
freshener next to anything made by
Nalley’s, or putting the breath
mints with the birth control and
calling that the condiment aisle.
And a singles catwalk in frozen
foods to bypass the parents negoti
ating with their kids over what the
babysitter is truly capable of heat
ing in the microwave. As long as
we’re engaged in flights of fancy,
I’d also like to see immunity from
prosecution for beating the hell out
of whoever is caught refilling the
candy displays in the checkstands.
A brief note in closing -1 under
stand there are different types of
shopping, just like there are differ
ent types of stores. Costco lurking
or prayer rug ceremonies at Fry’s or
Best Buy have a completely differ
ent vibe and consequently require
entire articles of their own.
Conversely, a trip to the mall for
some power shopping can’t be done
justice without input from a true
expert, and, to date, the closest I’ve
been able to come to anything
resembling the female perspective
has been gleaned from staring up at
the ceiling, which I’m certain is
just a small piece of the pie.
helps Orchard Society
Feature Editor
“It’s a bit demanding, when it’s
snowing and raining like mad,” Jim
Cox said, “but in the spring when the
orchard is coming to life, it’s a real
pleasure to see.”
For three years now, Cox has vol
unteered most Tuesdays in the Home
Orchard Society Arboretum, prun
ing and maintaining the trees, vines
and bushes. It’s a big job, and it’s
short on recognition.
“Students don’t usually know
we’re here,” Cox said. And he’s
okay with that. Except for a few
pruning seminars taught Winter term
by the Horticulture department, the
college has little to do with the
arboretum. Actually, the Home
Orchard Society (HOS) rents the
space from the college for.its own
use.
The HOS also has chapters in
Vancouver and Eugene, but neither
location has space for trees.
“Eugene is expanding,” Cox
said. “Places to grow things are dis
appearing fast.”
Oregon’s HOS members have to
visit our campus to learn pruning
techniques hands-on, Cox’s favored
method of arboriculture study.
“You don’t necessarily need to
go to college to leam (how to grow
fruit from trees),” Cox - said.
“Unfortunately, the books are very
-E njoy
the
ELISABETH MEYER Clackamas Print
Jim Cox, works even when
its raining.
often written by people who don’t do
this kind of work.”
“Of course, I didn’t go to college;
maybe that’s my defense,” he adds.
“But in the olden days, you learned
this by being an apprentice to a nurs
ery.”
Cox estimates that the arboretum
could keep an individual busy for an
hour a day, year in, year out. He
comes in just once a week to keep
things orderly.
The arboretum is home to mul
berries, kiwis, berry bushes, persim
mons, and many varieties of apples
and grapes. When the arboretum is
open, (read: when Cox is there), he
sells fruit grown there to whomever
happens by and the small group of
people who seek out the produce.
Although there’s no fame associ
ated with the long hours, Cox feels,
“It’s better than anything on TV,
anyway.”
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