7
TI h E
ClACkAMAS
WedNEsdAy, ApRil 24, 2002
P rìnt
Rock hard muscles and a fluffy plot
_________ISAIAH CREEL________
Staff'Writer
I was fortunate enough to witness
an advanced screening Tuesday, April
15, of ‘The Scorpion King,” Univer
sal Pictures’ newest endeavor into the
world of barbarian swine, which made
its debut in theaters nationwide on
Friday, April 19 (tee hee, I saw it long
before you suckers, and I didn’t have
to pay.)
and his beautiful sorcerer (I say this
only because that is what she was
called in the film), Cassandra.
Tribes pay assassins. Assassins
kill sorcerer. BUTSHE’SAWOMAN!!
Mathayus like woman, bring her
along.
(insert romantic sub-plot here)
Memnon angry, scour the country
side.
Mathayus kill Memnon, become
new (Scorpion) king.
Vibes
Mathayus’ character was written to
be both brainy and brawny (he is crafty
in deadly arts and wit.. .mwa ha ha!).
Whoever The Rock’s alter ego is
should consider doing other movies,
perhaps not focusing on his wrestling
career, although the eyebrow thing
was surprisingly well-placed (yes,
even I have enough street savvy to
pick up on the wrestling world). He
played the New Millennium version
of theclassic Herculean brute very well.
Kill me. Kill me. It was a good action
film. Cheesy enough to be entertain
ing, and the characters were right on.
It appeared the stereotypes of all eter
nity were cast in this story though,
from every last one of the women ap-
piearing as scantily clad tools, to that
The scope of the screen
wacky Jewish thief.
Meter Beater
As an action film, I would give it a 7
out of 10 on the ass-kiok-o-meter.
As The Rock’s first starring role, I
would give it a 2 out of 10 on the first-
impression-last-chance-o-meter.
"He is crafty in deadly
arts and wit...mwa ha
ha!"
Referrals
The hero of the tale is one
Mathayus (Dwayne Johnson, aka The
Rock of WWF fame). He is one of
three Akkadians, an assassin tribe from
before the rise of the Roman Empire,
left in the world. Apparently the
Akkadians are the toughest hombres
this side of the river Nile (that’s why
there are only three left in the
world.. .duh).
When the local tribes git in a feud
with the maniacal warlord Memnon,
If you liked this film, check out the
“Conan” series, starring legendary
action star Arnold Schwarzenegger.
The main difference I can see between
the two is the classic line “I’ 11 be back.’ ’
The Rock’s got the eyebrow thing, but
his jokes don’t come off as well as
Arnie’s. Like Arnie though, I think The
Rock should consider doing some
other types of “Kindergarten Cop”-
ish roles.
INTERNET PHOTO
The Rock is trying to break into acting in 'The Scorpion King' despite his successful wrestling
career. The Rock plays Mathayus in the prequel to 'The Mummy.'
To reach Isaiah Creel e-mail
zeplemen@hotmail.com or drop by
B-104.
----- ■¿“.'¿ m H
'THE SCORPION KING H CURRENTLY PLAYING\
AT THE FOLLOWING LOCATION*
Aquarius (Jan. 20- Feb. 18):
You definitely need more
sleep. It’s time to get serious.
You have been having too
much fun lately. Your boss
might be very annoying to you
this week. Try to keep the
peace. Your lucky day: Satur
day. Your lucky food: Onions.
Your lucky place: bedroom.
place: gym.
pool.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20):
Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22):
Enhance your knowledge by
reading an interesting book.
You will find yourself inspired
and refreshed. You should
Stop depending on other
people. You need to be more in
dependent. You might find
yourself receiving a lot of bills,
but that’s life. It’s not always
as pleasant as you would like
it to be. Your lucky day: Tues
day. Your lucky food: spinach.
Your lucky place: bathtub.
spend more time outside. Fresh
air is good for you. Your lucky
day: Sunday. Your lucky food:
pasta. Your lucky place: bakery.
Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20):
You should try to be more
consistent in your life. Some
one is trying to disturb your
pattern. Avoid crowded places
this week. Your lucky day:
Monday. Your lucky food: Ger
man chocolate cake. Your lucky
place: any restaurant.
Aries (March 21 - April 19):
Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22):
Not everything is always
black or white. Try to get a dif
ferent perspective on things.
Listen to your dreams this
week. Your inner voice is try
ing to tell you something very
important. Your lucky day:
Tuesday. Your lucky food: Cot
tage cheese. Your lucky place:
sauna.
You are being very generous
this week. Do not forget about
yourself though. Sometimes
it’s a good thing to be selfish.
Keep that in mind as you get
involved with people. Your
lucky day: Wednesday. Your
lucky food: cheese. Your lucky
place: classroom.
re information call 225-5555 plus the extension
■
bove unless otherwise noted with *
Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21):
Jealousy can be a terrible
thing. Try to control you emo
tions this week or someone
might get hurt. Your family
needs more attention. Your
lucky day: Monday. Your lucky
food: candy. Your lucky place:
candy store.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21):
You have had a lot of bad
luck lately. But don’t worry.
Good things happen to good
people. Try to be more patient.
Your lucky day: Wednesday.
Your lucky food: Yogurt. Your
lucky place: movie theater.
Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22):
That was a clever move. You
know what I’m talking about.
However, you need to be cau
tious. Someone is trying to
abuse your friendliness. Re
member, not everything always
tastes the way it looks. Your
lucky day: Today. Your lucky
food: spaghetti. Your lucky
Division St.: ext. 4606
Lloyd Cinemas: ext. 4600
*St. Johns: 286-1768
Sherwood 10: ext 4621
Tigard: ext. 4627
City Center 12: ext. 4631
Wilsonville: ext. 4615
Cancer (June 21 - July 22):
It’s a good time to make
changes to your home. You will
find yourself enjoying decorat
ing the walls. Someone wants
to take you out but is too shy
to say something. Your lucky
day: Thursday. Your lucky
food: shrimp. Your lucky place:
grocery store.
Taurus (April 20- May 20):
Street: ext. 4624
ergreen: ext. 4625
Grove: 653-9999
ext. 4603
16:775-0000
82nd Avenue: ext.
Broadway: ext. 46<
Be ready to get involved in a
dramatic situation. You will get
a chance to prove your people
skills. Keep in mind that some
times, you need to treat your
employees like little children.
Keep them happy and they will
work for you. Your lucky day:
Friday. Your lucky food: grits.
Your lucky place: swimming
Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19):
Someone is trying to upset
you. The best thing to do is just
to ignore that individual. Try
to spend more time with your
friends. Someone is very inter
ested in you! Your lucky day:
Thursday. Your lucky food: po
tato soup. Your lucky place:
school.
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