9
A&E
TI he ClAckAMAS P rint
WEdNEsdAy, OcTobER 1J, 1999
Lose yourself in the MAiZE
PHOTOS COURTESY OF THE MAIZE
ANGIE DASCHEL
A&E Editor
“Where the hell are we?” “We
just passed this spot five minutes
ago!!” “It’s all circles, my friends,
all circles.” “JOSH!!!!” Think
these are lines from a certain low-
budget horror flick? Wrong!
These are things I overheard while
getting lost at the MAiZE, a five-
acre corn labyrinth by the pump
kin patch on Sauvie Island.
Operating now through Hallow
een (weather permitting), the
MAiZE consists of hundreds of
twists and turns and dead ends that
are all cut out of imposingly tall
stalks of corn. From the ground,
the MAiZE seems to be a confus
ing, haphazard collection of trails.
From the air, however, it is clear the
MAiZE follows a precise, ordered
pattern of a rose and the words
“City Of Roses.” This effect is a
work of art from the air, and a night
mare from the ground. A FUN
nightmare.
Before you enter the MAiZE, you
will receive a passport to help you
navigate through the trails. Pass
ports coincide with markers found
sporadically in the corn, but for
people with no sense of direction,
like myself, they are of little help.
Here’s some advice— go to the
MAiZE with some good friends
who are willing to scare others, or
to be scared. Split up into small
groups instead of one big group,
because hiding from your friends
and scaring them adds to the fun.
I had a series of small heart attacks
in the MAiZE because of my
friends jumping out at me, and it
was worth it. If you don’t want to
split up and scare each other, don’t
worry. Workers at the MAiZE will
be dressed up in costumes and
laying in wait for you, so be care
fill.
This place is certainly worth the
drive to Sauvie Island, and the price
is less than a movie ticket. Formore
information about the MAiZE, call
481-6293 or visit their website at
www.comfieldmaze.com.
Weird Al cuts it up on new album
JASON LINGEL
Staff Writer
It’s time for a drum solo...
The lights go out, the band
leaves the stage. The audience
calls for an encore. The silhou
ette of a man in Jedi robes can be
seen. The song “American Pie”
starts to play, and as the spot light
comes on, the voice of Weird Al
can be heard singing, “A long,
long, time ago, in a galaxy far
away...”
If you missed Weird Al
Yankovic’s “Touring with Scis
sors” tour this summer, then
you’ve missed out on an exciting
show. With more costume
changes than Reba McEntire, and
an alLstar song line up of new
songs and old favorites, no Weird
Al fan was left wanting. There
were times I laughed so hard I
cried. Singing “Smells Like Nir
vana,” Al looked almost identical
to Kurt Cobain. Between most
songs, while the band was chang
ing outfits, an on-stage screen
was showing clips from the tele
vision series “ The Weird Al
Show,” and other skits made spe
cifically for his new songs.
The tour publicized the band’s
Running With Scissors album
which came out June 1999. The
album has already produced two
singles: “The Saga Begins,” a star
wars parody of “American Pie;”
and “It’s All About the Pentiums”
a parody of Puff Daddy’s “It’s All
About the Benjamins.” Other new
hits on the album are
“Grape Fruit Diet,” a
parody of The Cherry
Popp’n
Daddies
“Zuite Suite Riot
“Jerry Springer,” a
parody
of
the
Barenaked Ladies
Song “One Week;”
and for polka fans, a
new polka featuring
songs from Marilyn
Manson, Third Eye
Blind and other top
bands. Al also put on
this album a variety of
all-original songs in
cluding “Germs,” an alternative
Nine Inch Nails type song. Run
ning With Scissors went gold in
its first five weeks, and is sure to
be his largest selling album.
Weird Al’s real name is Alfred
Matthew Yankovic; he has re
corded 10 albums, three compila
tion albums, one box set, two
video compilations, and one
movie. As a teenager, Al began
sending homemade tapes of his
songs to Dr. Demento, a nation
ally-syndicated disc jockey
known for playing comedy and
novelty music. Demento found a
certain charm in the accordion-
powered ditties that Al recorded
on a cheap cassette player in his
own bedroom, and gave him his
firstairplay. By the time Al gradu
ated from college, with a degree
in architecture, he not only had a
modest cult following from the
good doctor’s radio show, but
also had a couple nationally re
leased singles (“My Bologna”
and “Another One Rides Thé
Bus”.) Two years later (1982), Al
signed with Scotti Bros. Records,
who have released all his albums
to date. Al took his stage name
from his radio show on campus
at California Polytechnic State
University at San Luis Obispo. He
has held jobs as an accordion
teacher, an occasional accordion
repo-man and as a disk jockey for
a large syndicated radio station
in Culver city, CA.
The show was the best concert
I’ve ever seen— parts of it will be
aired on VH 1 before the end of the
year. Running With Scissors is
definitely Al’s best album yet, and
“The Saga Begins” was an instant
classic.
For more information, see the
official “Weird Al” web site at
www.weirdal.com.
T-So what’s your favorite commercial?
A-That’s a tough one...
T-Let me rephrase that...which one has the sexiest, most studly,
most ooohh baby kinda guy like me in it?
A-I don’t know, studliest?
T-Which one do you think of and see the guy onscreen, and say,
WOW, “T” is so much cooler than he is, but this guy will do...Why
are you laughing??
A-Well, there used to be that Diet Coke commercial where all those
girls would gather around at their office window and watch this
delivery boy or construction worker...
T-You mean the Rosie 105 commercials where the guy is dancing
around like an idiot...
A-NO! God, that’s not what I’m talking about...
T-You know, the one with the dork in a suit rapping to his bad
self...
A-NO! Would you just WAIT, and listen to me? For five seconds?
Would it KILL you?
T-Sorry, please don’t kill me...
A- Any way, this guy is outside on a break from his construction
job, and they call it the Diet Coke break, and they all whisper, ‘It’s
10 o’clock, it’s 10 o’clock, and they all go over to thè window and
the guy is taking off his sweaty shirt, and he is totally ripped, and
he drinks a Diet Coke, and all the girls are like, Ahhhhhhhhh. ..Now
that’s a cool commercial...
T-I have NEVER seen that commercial...
A-It was a couple years ago...anyway, I can’t really think of a
good recent commercial.. .Oh wait, the Levi commercials are pretty
cool...the one with the guy and the girl who are invisible...the girl
starts getting undressed...
T-OH YEAH... Let’s Get It ON ! ! ! Yeeeow ! ! That’s so cool, I love
that commercial!! But you know what ads get so stuck in my
‘freakin’ head...The damn GAP Conimercials with those sickly
lookin’ choir people who look like they just rolled outta bed...
THEY CALL ME MELLOW YELLOW...
A-No kidding, they are so plain and ordinary, yet they are so
memorable. I don’t get it...
T- GONNA DRESS YOU UP IN MY LOVE... ALL OVER YOUR
BODY
A- Yeah, I get it, I’ve seen the damn commercials...
T- AND I JUST CAN’T SEEM TO GET ENOUGH OF just can’t get
enough, I just can't enough...
A- Ok, you’re outta control, you need to stop now...You know,
they’re not really a choir, they are just a bunch of singers who
happen to be good-looking...
T-1 think some of those girls are ugly-looking...
A- REALLY?
T- 1 don’t usually, you know, judge other guy’s looks, but I don’t
think most of those guys are very attractive either... what do you
think...
A- They are all right... they’re not hot or anything...
T- Not like myself, you know... you’re laughing again...
A- Well, they’re not like Nicolas Cage-kinda sexy... anyway, what
about those Candies commercials...those are hilarious...
to be continued next week...
T&A is a fictitious conversation between two normal, everyday people. If you
have any topics you would like us to discuss, email us at
cccprint@clackamas.cc.or, us. If we offend you in our future columns, too
bad.
7Z/f
CI ac I< amas P rint
The student newspaper of Clackamas Community College
We do it all
for the nookie.