Image provided by: Clackamas Community College; Oregon City, OR
About The Clackamas print. (Oregon City, Oregon) 1989-2019 | View Entire Issue (April 20, 1994)
Feature Pg. 6 The Clackamas Print _ __ As^j’he fountains Grow Wednesday, April 20,1994 A special review by Christopher Qayien Haberman, Tyson Justin Morrow and Chad JbneryPatteson The Print Staff Let us bicker in wicker chairs, and lay around with straws and toothpicks in Adult Video studios with Ms. Love-a-lot giv ing us a mile high smile with her legs. And let us lay around and think about steel manufactured homes. Let us think about getting $32,000 in spare change to pur chase a home away from home, away from the park, away from education, where the birds can smile and Rob Lowe can hold a leading role awav from television mini-series. (NOTE: Herve’ Villechaiz, the late actor known as Tattoo, passed away last year, and as students, “We the People,” have adored him as a deity, and as Opportunities arise as SOAR disbands by Janice Staehely The Print Staff Soar is closing down. Gone will be the outdoor pro grams adapted for people with disabilities. Therafting,kayaking, camping, hiking, birding, skiing, rock climbing, horseback riding, bicycling and sailing with warm company and adaptive equipment may be lost. Shared Outdoor Activi ties and Recreation was run by a small group of dedicated volun teers for the last 12 years. There were three paid staff members, a board of directors and hundreds of volunteers who gave their time and energy to make SOAR a suc cess. Unfortunately,those who were most instrumental in fight ing the financial battles are tired of struggling year to year. The funding has mostly come from donations from large corporations which donate to non-profit corpo rations with thé interest from their largeraccounts. Low interest rates over the past years have limited the amount corporations can con tribute to non-profits, causing fur ther limitations on limited bud gets. SOAR’s only hope is for someone to donate $60,000. If that happens, a new corps of expe rienced people to help reorganize will also be needed. I would like to help them restart and get people interested, so thatpeople can benefit from the programs. Not only people with disabilities benefitted from SOAR’s activities; so did the vol unteers and the board members who have been involved in this group for whatever reason. To have SOAR shut down would be like telling students that there would be no more after school sports! If , in the future, you would like to be involved with SOAR or a new group like it, please contact Tim Braun at 621- 3781. Tim is compiling, and will later distribute a list of names, addresses and phone lumbers of those who are interested in re starting SOAR. Sir Amery du’ Lake: No comment. I plead some Amendment. Ouch, don’t touch me. Captain Justin, Prince of the Purple Rain: Modem man’s grasp of reality is slurred by such priceless porn as “Deep Throat”, “Debbie Does Absolutely Everything ShePossibly Can”, and the incredible “Strip Search”. For some real fun though, buy your self a camcorder and make your own. Master Gaylen of the River: Something about sleeping in a huge trash can with windows with the rain beaming it’s head against my ceiling, seemsabit un appealing . Okay, some homes are nice. And yeah, some of them are nice enough to break into, but hey I wouldn’t live there. I’d rather have the local newspaper as my bedspread and live in the park, and re-paint the benches with my the fine actor he really was, or is.) TOPIC: Adult Home Videos and their strange loose connection to Steel Manufactured Homes. Master Gaylen of the River: I believe that all videos should include some graphic nu dity. Not to sicken our minds, of course, but to strengthen our con nection to the human spirit. With out our clothes we are generally naked. And what is wrong with nakedness? Especially at home, where laws easily protect us from the outside world. Our homes protect us from the video cameras and the peeping Pete’s of our humble neighborhoods. Steel manufactured homes are modem man’s shell to hide behind and sit with remote in hand and watch the pornography of our forefathers. They are basically a creation of the 80’s man, easy, metal and cheap to throw up. only good hand. Adult home vid eos and Steel Manufactured Homes are the unjust ideas of the Main Man, to control and to captivate his once thriving audience of sat isfied tax payers. But anymore, who is really truly satisfied? Sir Amery du’ Lake: You may ask yourself, “What IS the strange connection between Adult Home Videos and Steel Manufactured Homes?” You may ponder, “What does this have to do with me?” You may wonder, “What is a home?” Don’t bother worrying about any of these ques tions. Rather, worry yourself with thoughts of where you will live, and if you have enough money to rent an Adult Home Video! Captain Justin, Prince of the Purple Rain: Be careful of how you spend your hard earned cash though. Do not buy some thing that degrades you or the other half of the human race. Adult Videos should be good, dirty fun and shouldn’t hurt anyone. And please be careful also in your se lection of a resting point for your Steel Manufactured Home. Noth ing is more grotesque than to be walking through a beautiful, untarnished landscape and to hap- pen upon a horrendously disgust ing pile of steel, glass, and formica. This is the End: “The end, my friend,” Jim Morrison slurs, allowing speech to be his ultimate vehicle. This is our vehicle, so please continue to hop aboard fan tasy land and review things that no one really cares about. Board our final bus to the land where everyone can talk their own lan guage, your mind and ours. NEXT WEEK’S TOPIC: Thank you for tuning in. Next week’s topic is the Contents of your Wallets and What may be Hanging on your Walls. 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