News
The MisPrint
April 1,1989
Page 2
Piller’s group eludes party
Dissident
dispatch
NOTE: This letter is
being published to give
voice to our misguided
opposition, but was
edited
to
remove
falsehoods by the state
censor.
by Yuri Smelzbadd
Staff Writer
Three days ago the evil dic
tator of the opposition, Col.
Rick Piller, launched a doomed
attack upon the glorious forces
of CCCP. Col. Piller narrowly
escaped the clutches of the Min
ister of State Security Stan
Johnson.
To the editor,
Ninety-nine martyrs of the
I am sick and tired of all
revolution
had their lives
these damn
that are
getting in my face all the time. snuffed out by the dregs who fol
lowed the diabolical colonel.
"Peristroyka, glasnost." '
They are now buried in the
¿■MT Ever since those
MBlMMBMM our esteemed walls of the community center.
The Committee of the
school I have had to wait in
lines for everything from my Daughters of the Revolution has
sworn to abstain from vocal in
lunch to my condoms.
Now you ■■■■■ tercourse until the beast has
^■■¿in the "Ministry of Infor been caught.
The lone survivor of the at
mation". (^BMMMHM* have
tack
was able to give us the
the ** to tell me that
capitalism is going to be the story:
"It was awful. That
downfall of man and that
Capitalist
running-dog hamster
religion is the poor man’s
opiate. Hell, give me
WMMdP and<MMM^any day
co-operative
by Kaptain Kommie
work houses.
Staff Writer
■■¿■■■■■■■■■b are
Glorious days are upon us,
what made this country great
comrades!! The evil decadence
and you ?■■■■■■■■■£
of that vermin, John Keyser, has
are trying to
been purged from our midst.
■■Don’t you ¿■■MB know
Royce Kiser, a great hero
about the ¿MMM|?!?!?!?!?! of the people, is now Secretary
I guess not. Well let me tell you:
General of the Supreme Col
it was made to keep ■■■■■
legiate. The old secretary, the
at bay and out of theMMMML
aforementioned
scumbag
U.S. of A., not for ¿MMRk
Keyser, was ousted by the
■■■*■* likeMMbto wipe
people in a fit of outrage over
■■■■'with!
his capitalist yearning for a
Thank ¿HMB for SMMH*
brand new Jeep Cherokee, sym
likeMMMMM IfWMMMM
bol of western corruption.
you’d have T-80s and SS-
Royce Kiser showed his
20s moving down Pennsylvania
love of the people (and political
Ave. in a May Day celebration.
responsibility) by donating the
Jeep to the Supreme Collegiate.
Sincerely, with love,
This wonderful gift enabled the
Earl Snotheim
Supreme Collegiate to continue
their research into the extreme
decadence of the capitalist
loving enemy of the people at
tacked with a fury that could
only be matched by the most
dangerous Afghani. The stink
ing scut-nozzle jumped out from
behind the boilers in the rear of
Barlow, blowing big gaping
holes in all my comrades. The
only reason I was able to escape
was because I ran away and hid
behind the People’s Cherokee.
As I peered out from the safety
of the bumper, I watched
"Driller" Piller rip the Party’s
forces into nothing more than
heaps of quivering, oozing flesh.
"He was yelling, ‘Morton
Downey for all and Bryant
Gumble for the meat grinder!!’
over and over as he slaughtered
the last of my friends that I had
abandoned by ripping out their
jugulars with an old copy of The
Print that had Piller’s column in
it. Luckily, I fainted into a pud
dle of my own urine."
The War-mongering im
perialistic flatulent monster
truck driving dogmatic goat with
one thousand young left handed
bad movie enthusiast (a check,
Donald Trump and a religion)
bastard of a mousse using
burger flipper is still free, dam
mit
Colonel Rick Piller, leader of the resistance, leads a doomed
attack on Randall Hall in which 99 heroes of the people were killed.
Kiser replaces Keyser as party secretary
world. The esteemed members
of the Collegiate gathered some
very good information in their
trip to the decadent Oregon
coast where they researched the
phenomena known as "spring
break"
The Jeep redeemed itself
by proving to possess a large
area in the rear for the people
to sleep off the effects of infor
mation gathering. Unfortunate
ly, having fifty odd (mostly odd)
members of the Collegiate
stuffed into a donated Com
munist ex-running dog Jeep
Cherokee made the various
government officials rather crab
by, and several fist fights oc
curred on the way home. This
has been subsequently banned
by the Collegebureau, e.g.,
Animal Farm.
Royce Kiser proved his
worth as a leader type stooge,
er, we mean an excellent ex
ample of Communist generosity
by completely ignoring all the
scratches and dents, not to men
tion the second hand malt
beverages that were (somewhat)
accidentally left on the floor of
the vehicle.
Kiser further helped his
status by holding down the un
believably evil John Keyser
while he was tied to the con-
viently located trailer hitch and
dragged around the parking lot.
This, off course, was done with
typical
Communist
humanitarian efficiency.
Student Opinions
What is your favorite Communist slogan?
"The dictatorship of the
proletariat is necessary, and
victory over the borgeoise is
impossible without a long,
stubborn, and desperate war of
life and death..."
"The Communist Party must
never run out of vodka..."
"...capitalism cannot be defeated
and eradicated without the
ruthless suppression of the
resistance of the exploiters..."
"Contempt for death must
spread among the masses and
thus secure victory..."
! <
L*
a*
b*
1
39.12
13.24
15.07
2
1
3
49.87
65.43
-4.34
18.11
-22.29
18.72
4
44.26
-13.80
22.85
5
55.56
9.82
-24.49
D50 Illuminant, 2 degree observer
6
70.82
-33.43
-0.35
7
63.51
34.26
59.60
8
39.92
11.81 *
-46.07
9
52.24
48.55
18.51
Density-------- ►
10
97.06
-0.40
1.13
11(A)
92.02
-0.60
0.23
12
87.34
-0.75
0.21
13
82.14
-1.06
0.43
14
72.06
-1.19
0.28
15
62.15
-1.07
0.19
0.04
0.09
0.15
0.22
0.36
0.51
■