opinion
Public Opinion Survey
Survéÿ changes!
Scientific Creationism paper content I
SCIENTIFIC CREATIONISM is an alternative form of teaching world evolution
that proposes creation and evolution by a divine being—but gives no religious J
instruction. See feature story on page.5.
1) Do you think scientific creationism should be taught in Oregon public!
schools?
If you take a look to your immediate left you will notici
something new in The Print: an opinion survey. This 11
one of the changes that The Print will make, due to th I
answers given in last week’s readers’ survey.
I would like to thank all the people who took the tinsi
and the trouble to answer the survey. It helped us under!
2) Is scientific creationism a violation of the amendment separating church and
tand what we weren’t doing to catch the readers’ interest!
state? Why or why not?
what the readers liked and disliked, and what we could dt
to improve the paper..
Most of the answers given included a desire for moil
human interest, or “common Joe” stories. People-no
computers—run this campus and we will definitely d|I
3) If scientific creationism is labeled unconstitutional, do you believe that label
more human interest stories.
ing it so is, in itself, unconstitutional,, due to the government closing off any
Many readers thought that too much space has beel
given to movie and record reviews, so we have decided tl
other teaching possibilities than Darwin’s theory of evolution? Why or why not?
alternate weekly album, play and movie reviews. Rath!
than having an album and movie review in the same issue!
we will feature an album one week, a movie the next, the,
a play.
A great deal of the surveys that we received requestel
4) What is your age and sex?
that we print more of the letters that we get. Of all the let!
tors that we have received, The Print has held only on|
Return answers to The Print envelopes throughout the campus or take them
from publication, due to very questionable content ani
to Trailer B.
taste.
If you have compliments, complaints, or suggestion!
for stories, write them down and either drop by The Prinl
office in Trailer B, or put them in “The Print letters to th!
editor and survey answers” envelopes located in every hall
through the campus.
The Print is always looking forwriters. If anyone is ini
terested in writing, please drop by The Print office. Thl
By Tom Jeffries
Charles Atlas ad. I tried kicking faithfully every day. In two more writers we have, thè better we can cover the cani
Of The Print
a chair but only succeeded in months I had: spent ail my pus, its events and its people.
How to pick up women
When I finally finished high
school and entered college I
thought my worries were over
about picking up girls. After all,
here I am, a typical mature col
lege man. By all rights I should
be fighting the women off with
a stick, but somehow it hasn’t *
worked that way. At first I tried
to get dates with just my natural
charm.
“Hey there, Foxy,” I said,
approaching a young lovely
who has starred in more than
one of my more lurid fantasies.
“Wanna do yourself a big favor
and take in a movie with me
tonight?”
“I’ve already got a date with
Bob,” she replied, obviously
trying to conceal her excite
ment at being in my presence.
“What possible reason could
you have for choosing him
over me?” I suavely asked.
“He’s witty, handsome, sen-
sitve, charming, caring,
thoughtful and filthy rich.”
“I mean besides that.”
“You’re a creep.”
“Oh.” She does a
remarkable job of concealing.
This gave me my first inclina
tion that I might need to
develop something to offset my
natural mental and physical
characteristics. My first flash of
inspiration came while wat
ching “The Incredible Hulk.”
“Muscles! Of course! Women
always go for muscular guys!” I
thought. This was going to be a
major undertaking, since my
physical appearance is such
that when I stand on a street
comer, people park their cars
and put nickels in my ear. My
first act was to find an old com
ic book and carefully read the
Pa9e 2
breaking a toe. Next I sent in*a
picture of myself to get an
estimate of the work it would
take to become an object of
female adoration. My picture
was returned with a note ex
pressing congratulations on my
recent escape from the concen
tration camp, and I scrapped
the idea.
My next bright idea came
while watching ads for “Satur
day Night Fever,” After all, if a
skinny guy like John Travolta
could thrill chicks by dancing, I
figured I had it made. I went
out and bought a three piece
white suit, took disco dancing
lessons, bought a dozen gold
chains. (One had a little spoon
on it that the salesman told me
was a “Coke” spoon. It was
pretty inefficient, though. It
took me three hours to finish a
16 ounce bottle.)
Finally, I was ready and
boogied
down to the local
disco. Unfortunately, I
discovered too late that I had to
look Italian. Besides, by the
time I was ready, the disco fad
was for the most part over, and
I was obsolete before I started.
So, I went home and wracked
my brain while I dusted my
room with my disco vest;.
That’s when I had my third
flash of inspiration: I’d become
a health food nut.
I knew there were a lot of
women out there that dug guys
that were into nuts and berries,
and Greenpeace, and eating
yogurt and brown rice (ugh!).
So, I started seeing a guru,
picketed Trojan, let my hair
grow, only bathed once a
month, wore a fatigue jacket
everywhere, and ate granola
money, been arrested for -Thpmas A. Rhodes, editor
trespassing, been beaten up by
construction Workers, ac
This week in “In Search of...,” Leonard Nimoy explores
cumulated a healthy colony of
for talented writers, photographers, and cartoonists to help
fleas , nearly been drafted, and
The Print adequately cover the campus. Nimoy and his co
contracted a heavy case of
hort Charles Berlitz search throughout charted territories
malnutrition. It was as close to
such as the Bermuda Triangle and the Community Center
a total loss as 1 could possibly
Lounge for cartoonists who are rich in political humor,
have come.
writers whose intelligence are as vast as the outer limits, and
That was my last attempt at
photographers whose every frame of film, could win a
bringing women flocking to my
Pulitzer Prize.
side, because my fourth idea
Nimoy looked at the staff box and realized that only 18
ended all of my problems.
people are writing for several thousand students. J‘This can’t
However, if any guys out there
be true!” he shouted, and is trying to encourage the talented
have any suggestions, I’d still
to show their work. “If you’re interested in writing for the
be happy to hear them. You
paper,” Nimoy said, “go over to their office in Trailer B.
can contact me at a monastery
Now, beam me up Scotty!”
just outside of Colton.
Library needs Saturday opening
By David Hayden
Of the Print
It was totally unbelieveable. I
know Reagan is President and
Ivancie rules his Portland Em
pire, but I never thought the
rigormortis of stauch (Conser
vatism could hit so close to
home.
I first heard about it while I
was talking with a friend in the
Community Center. Even after
¡ considered how he pours oyer
every issue of the “National
Review,” it still seemed a joke.
I mean, who could actually
consider closing the library?
But ¿hen, after the shock had
passed, I realized that, unfor
tunately, my friend was quite
sincere.
“Just think of it—no more
research papers in Western
Civ,” he started, “No more re
quired outside reading, or even
tapes to listen to for Ftench.”
“You can’t Jbe serious,” I
stated. “There’s no real chance
of you closing the library, is
there?
“Don’t be so sure. I realize
there will be a few inconve
niences that we’ll have to en
dure, but nothing we can’t han
dle. We won’t be able to check
out records or tapes, or even
watch TV, but I’m willing to
make the sacrifice.”
“Oh, come on, there’s no
way the students.. .well, at least
the Administration won’t stand
for it.”
“Really, who do you think
started the idea?’1
“Reagan, I’d bet?’
“Don’t be crude. Actually the
idea goes back-several years to
a few local individuals who
wish to remain anonymous.”
“Sounds like the ‘Clackamas
Papers’ to me.”/
“The first major move was to
not open the library oil
weekends.” *
“That
seems rathel
innocent.”
“Not when you consider that I
it’s one of the most vital time I
for students. You (knowl
finishing the last pages of those I
all important term papers.” I
“Ah, another reason foil
eliminating them.”
“Exactly. Here we have what I
most ‘liberals’ consider thel
heart of an education, a I
resource to which students!
gather to ‘widen’ their horizons,!
and we have already mad ai I
important move to kill it ’
“Yeah, well, not quite.”
“Anyway, I figure if thl
students arid teachers aren]
moved by ’ ,the weekenl
closures, it will only be a shorl
time before we can move thl
books oqt and the Asteroil
machines in.”
Clackamas Community College I