16
in other words
may2
2019
Running My Mouth: Proving a Point
By Jamie Adams
When you believe everyone could benefit from
therapy, it means you have to go in order to prove your
point. This is a difficult point to make when there are
no therapists in Vernonia. However, when you are as
invested in being right as I am, this can and will be
overcome, no matter how many doggos are in your
way. Note: Doggo is a colloquial term for a dog, gener-
ally a Very Good dog. The writer does not claim to be
rating the goodness, or lack thereof, of these doggos.
Thus begins our narrative.
The drive to my Proving-I’m-Right appoint-
ment starts with clear skies, enabling me to see a large
mass in the road. Lo and behold, a presumably hurt
doggo is lying in the opposite lane as another doggo
stands over it. As I flash my brights to the oncoming
cars and slow down, Standing-Doggo trots off the road
while Presumably-Hurt-Doggo jumps up in front of my
car. Everyone slams their brakes on and we all stop,
waiting for Presumably-Hurt-Doggo to find its way off
the road.
Presumably-Hurt-Doggo stays standing in
front of my car. Everyone else stays sitting in their own
cars. There is no way I have the most Vernonian se-
niority in this situation and, therefore, should not be
expected to get out of my car first. Unfortunately, no
one else received that memo. It’s a doggo eat doggo
world out on 47. In preparation for a situation nothing
like this, I made sure I knew how to turn my hazards on
and decide this is a good time to put that knowledge to
use.
First attempt: shoo doggo off the road. Presum-
ably-Hurt-Doggo won’t shoo. Presumably-Hurt-Dog-
go likes me. Since there are three other cars waiting for
me and Presumably-Hurt-Doggo to get off the road, I
walk both doggos to the side and let the cars pass. I was
somewhat hurt by how quickly they decided I was just
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human shaped obstacle to get around and made a note
to discuss it at my Proving-I’m-Right appointment.
Presumably-Hurt-Doggo, who is clearly fine,
trots across the road and into my car. Learning to use
my hazard button did not come with a follow up lesson
on shutting the door. The doggo is polite enough to use
the passenger seat and begins licking my empty food
container. I make another note to use leftover ranch the
next time I need to lure a doggo. This is a sub-optimal
start to the trip that was supposed to get me to my Prov-
ing-I’m-Right appointment. Now I have to prove I’m
right to two doggos before I can prove I’m right to the
humans. It’s rough being right all the time.
I take Standing-Doggo over to the car, he
jumps in and now I have two doggos in my car. They’re
too big to squish in the passenger seat and my backseat
is so full of random crap that even if I can coax The-
Doggo-Formerly-Known-As-Standing-Doggo, who is
bigger than me, out of my driver seat, I can’t fit him
into the back.
As I stand bewildered but still right on the side
of the road, cars and a log truck pass around me and my
car shaped obstacle. One car is kind enough to ask if I
need help. They point me in the direction of the address
on the doggo’s collar and then promptly tell me it’s in
the opposite direction before driving on. I’m not going
to have too hard of a time being more right than them
at least.
And then the cops show up. Lights are flash-
ing, traffic is parting, the chief himself is stepping out
of the vehicle. I think it’s the chief. He’s wearing sun-
glasses which seems a chiefly thing to do. Mr. Officer/
Chief asks if I’m broken down and I realize if I wanted
to make off with these doggos, I should have kept a
cleaner backseat.
I explain that my car has room for two me-sized
beings and there are a total of three me-sized beings so
we’re going to need a me-sized space in his car for one
of the beings that can’t drive. Mr. Officer/Chief opens
his back door and The-Doggo-Formerly-Known-As-
Standing-Doggo hops out of my car, checks Mr. Of-
ficer/Chief’s backseat out and decides he doesn’t like
it. Presumably-Hurt-Doggo, who is clearly fine after
eating some leftover ranch, hops out to follow The-
Doggo-Formerly-Known-As-Standing-Doggo
and
we get Presumably-Hurt-Clearly-Fine-Doggo into the
backseat. I grab a significant handful of The-Doggo-
Formerly-Known-As-Standing-Doggo’s fur and refuse
to let him leave again, until he gets into the backseat of
Mr. Officer/Chief’s cop car with the previously flash-
ing lights. Note: they could have still been flashing but
there was a statistically significant amount of me-sized
doggos running around which is bound to skew obser-
vations.
I make sure we shut the door to the backseat
of Mr. Officer/Chief’s cop car with the possibly pre-
viously flashing lights before The-Doggo-Formerly-
Known-As-Standing-Doggo can jump back out. Mr.
Officer/Chief asks me if I got a specific address off of
the collar of The-Doggo-Formerly-Known-As-Stand-
ing-Doggo and I tell him, “No, he wouldn’t stand still.”
Before Mr. Officer/Chief can ask any other pesky ques-
tions, I jump in my car to let Mr. Officer/Chief take
care of The-Doggo-Formerly-Known-As-Standing-
Doggo and Presumably-Hurt-Doggo-Who-Is-Clearly-
Fine-And-Loves-To-Ride-In-Cars-And-Eat-Leftover-
Ranch. And I drive away to prove I’m right.
CASA Auction Raises $700K
for Children in Foster Care
CASA for Children of Multnomah, Wash-
ington, and Columbia Counties hosted their 28 th
Annual Auction: Here Comes the Sun at the Port-
land Art Museum on April 5. The evening’s pre-
senting sponsor was Fred Meyer, and the event
raised more than $701,000 in support of CASA’s
mission to advocate for the rights, safety, and well-
being of abused and neglected children who are
under the protection of the courts. This is CASA’s
largest single source of fundraising revenue in sup-
port of its mission.
The auction achieved its incredible suc-
cess with support from generous donors like Fred
Meyer and NW Natural. The audience was com-
prised of over 450 guests, including leaders from
Portland’s corporate and philanthropic communi-
ties, CASA volunteers, CASA’s Board of Direc-
tors, and CASA’s Ambassador Board.
The honorary guests included a young
woman named Kiersten and her CASA Cindy. Cin-
dy provided support and guidance to Kiersten dur-
ing her tumultuous pre-teen years through her suc-
cessful adoption as a teenager, and beyond as she
graduated from PSU. This touching story moved
the evening’s guests to raise their paddles during
the special appeal, which raised over $310,000.
CASA greatly appreciates the generosity of each
attendee, and would also like to thank Anna Ma-
ria Savinar and Dale Johannes, the auction’s em-
cee and auctioneer. The event’s success would not
have been possible without them.
All proceeds raised from the auction di-
rectly impact CASA for Children’s ability to serve
more children with a CASA volunteer. A CASA
passionately and tirelessly works to guide a child
through the trauma of the court system. Oregon
law gives CASAs unusual authority as a ‘party to
the case’ so that they are able to ensure that the
system does not ignore a child’s needs and that the
judge has the information to act in the child’s best
interests. A CASA is trained to work with judges,
social workers, teachers, foster parents, and fam-
ily members to guarantee that the safety and well-
being of the child is front and center. This annual
auction ensures the continuation of CASA’s ad-
vocacy work on behalf of our community’s foster
children.
If you are interested in learning more
about how to become a CASA volunteer, upcom-
ing trainings, or future fundraising events, please
contact Laura Collins, Interim Director of Devel-
opment and Communications, at 503.988.4170 or
lcollins@casahelpskids.org.
Church Directory
Church of Jesus Christ
of Latter Day Saints
Sunday Schedule:
Sacrament Meeting: 10:00 am
Sunday School & Primary: 11:20 am
Relief Society, Priesthood and
Young Women: 12:10 pm
Roger Cook, Branch President
1350 E. Knott Street
503-429-7151
Grace Family Fellowship
Sunday School: 9:00 am
Worship Service: 10:30 am
Thursday Prayer: 6:00 pm
Greg “Mac” McCallum, Pastor
957 State Avenue
503-429-6790
Nehalem Valley Bible Church
Sunday School: 9:45 am
Worship Service: 10:45 am
Tues. Ladies Bible Study: 9:30 am
Wednesday Service: 7:00 pm
Sat. Men’s Prayer Meeting: 6:30 am
Gary Taylor, Pastor
500 North Street
503-429-5378
Open Door Gathering Place
Service: Sunday 6:00 pm
Grant Williams, Pastor
375 North Street
503-702-3553
Family Center: 11:00 AM
www.VernoniaChristianChurch.org
Sam Hough, Pastor
410 North Street
503-429-6522
St. Mary’s Catholic Church
Sunday Mass: 12:00 pm
Fr. Josh Clifton, Administrator
960 Missouri Avenue
503-429-8841
Vernonia Seventh-day Adventist Church
Sabbath (Saturday) Services
Sabbath School: 9:30 am
Worship Service: 11:00 am
www.VernoniaSDAC.org
Larry Gibson, Pastor
2nd Avenue and Nehalem Street
503-429-8301
Vernonia Christian Church
Sunday School: 9:45 am
Worship Service in Youth &