in other words
november8
2011
Better Parenting: Kids Who Beat the Odds
15
How Parents Can Make the Difference Creating Resilience in Their Kids - Part 2
By Sonia Spackman MA, MFT
Children today seem to
experience more stress filled situations
that hinder their thinking and behaving
in everyday life. They are developing
coping patterns that can hinder them
now and as adults.
Yet, other children that suffer are able
to use their resiliency. This explains
why some kids overcome overwhelming
misfortune while others become victims
of their early experiences.
Join me in Part 2 as we examine
the last 7 of 13 ways that we as parents
or adults can make the difference in a
child’s life.
#7 Do not overindulge your child,
teach “delayed gratification”
It’s OK for kids not to have
everything they want or what their
friends have. They can learn to earn some
of the things they want. It is OK for kids
to wait – to prove they are responsible.
I will tell you a story about
how well to do and caring parents
handicapped their kids. These boys were
considered good kids, graduating with
honors from Grant High School, one
was president of the senior class. The
boys shocked the community when they
were arrested for a series of robberies
in Portland. When asked why, they
replied that their parents would not buy
them stereos for their cars. Their faulty
thinking was they didn’t have money or
a job, so they thought robbery was the
fastest way to get the stereos.
Many parents give generously
to their kids but fail to teach them about miss out on the opportunity to become
delayed gratification and responsibility. competent.
#10 Help your child develop a talent
#8 Love your child unconditionally
To build resilience in a child
Love your children for who they
are not for what they do well. Love them does not require a super kid. What is
even if they don’t get good grades or are needed is to find one or two places where
good in sports – even when your kids are a child can succeed and feel some self-
not keeping up with the Joneses’ kids or confidence. Adults can encourage a kid
are dressing weird and full of piercings to get good at something even if he does
and tattoos. Many children mistake poorly at school – like art, music, sports
parents’ disappointment for lack of love. where he feels he/she has a value.
The difference between
A
long-term
kids that have one or
psychological study of
Resilient kids usually
more talents or hobbies
infants found that those
become resilient
and those that have none
who did not get enough adults, able to roll with
is major. Adults who help
love and attention ended
the punches of being
a child gain skills (and
up as adults with broken human in an imperfect
possibly a career path as
relationships and in
and unfair world.
an adult) can help their
trouble with the law.
#9 Hand over control to your child lives be more positive.
#11 Teach (and model) for your kids
when it is reasonable
Let children in an age- to do the right thing.
Show your child how to stand
appropriate way, have as much power,
and as many choices and opportunities up for him or herself and others. Teach
to fail - or succeed as possible – without them how to be caring and do thoughtful
parent disapproval or swooping in to things for others each day. Teach
manners and how to become the person
take control or rescue them.
Children learn flexibility and they want others to be. If the adults in
cooperation and gain confidence from a child’s world will act this way the
chores or a part time job. In the process, kids will follow suit. This can be the
they have to manage their time, solve real- best thing your child learns at home to
life problems and be more independent. produce a successful life.
Surveys show that children who have #12 Give your child information
At age 2, like many children
chores at home do better in school. A
Joey was afraid of the roar of the vacuum
child needs to feel she is an important
member of the family with something cleaner. His mother opened the inside
real to give. Then he needs praise, but so he could see there was nothing scary
only for a job well done. Some children inside.
At any age information can
have so much done for them that they
be the tool against the terror of the
unknown. A child needs to be prepared
for a crisis, like going to the hospital to
get his tonsils out. If you tell your child
the truth about what is going to happen
and tell him you will be there and give
him a chance to ask questions and he
will have a better sense of control.
#13 Give your child hope for the future
Why do some kids from abusive
homes become abusers themselves,
while others become model parents?
Researchers have found one overriding
trait: “ a basic view of optimism and
hope.” So if you hope, dream and plan,
chances are your child will too.
The difference between an
emotionally strong and resilient child
and a weak one can be how well the
parent expectations match the child’s
know how, a mismatch can leave a child
devastated.
In closing, it is the individuals
who use resiliency to comfort and
empower themselves that are able to
persevere through their own adversity,
become stronger because of it, and help
others do the same
Resources Sam Goldstein, Ph.D,
Robert Brooks, Ph.D., Raising Resilient
Children, Robert Sullivan, What Makes a
Child Resilient? Denise Allen, OT, Lori
Day Consulting, Claire Safran, Kids
Who Beat the Odds. soniaspackman@
msn.com
The Gun Doctor: The Four Basic Rules of Firearm Safety
By Wolfgang Rotbart
This is the first in an ongoing
series on firearm safety, proper usage,
maintenance, etc. In these articles, I
will not advocate firearm ownership
and will avoid political issues such
as gun control. I will, however, try to
cover issues one should consider before
acquiring a firearm, especially for self-
defense.
I chose this topic as the lead
because it is the foundation for the
safe handling and use of all firearms in
general, whether for hunting, target or
self-defense.
By possessing a firearm, you are
continually making a series of life-or-
death decisions every time you use or
even handle it. It is a grave responsibility
that should not be taken lightly.
The Four Basic Rules, if followed
unfailingly, all but eliminate the
possibility of a serious or fatal
unintentional discharge. So let’s get to
them.
The Four Basic Rules of Firearm
Safety:
1) ALWAYS assume ALL firearms are
loaded. A surprising number of people
have been killed with what they thought
were “unloaded” firearms.
2) Never point a firearm at anything you
are not willing to kill, maim or destroy.
Stated another way, keep it pointed in a
safe direction at all times except in cases
of extreme self-defense.
3) Keep your finger off the trigger until ANY time, but rather that they have a bit
your sights are on target and you have of built-in redundancy to them.
made the decision to shoot.
These rules do not adequately
address the subject of firearm safety
4) Be sure of your target and what is in and around the home, especially
beyond it. You are legally and morally regarding children. That is a topic that
responsible for everything that occurs will require its own article.
from the moment you pull the trigger
I welcome ideas for topics for
until the bullet stops.
these articles. Please email them to:
Wolfgang@WolfgangTheGunDoctor.
I like this set of rules better than com or call me at (503)429-7342, 10:00
some of the others out there because it – 5:00 M – F.
is short and easy to remember. Most of
the other sets of rules are just variations Wolfgang Rotbart is an AGI-certified
and combinations of these four. Another Master Gunsmith and a NRA-certified
reason is that you pretty much have to Basic Pistol Course Instructor. He
break two or more of the rules at one time works as a gunsmith and as an Oregon
before someone gets hurt. However, I Concealed Handgun Safety Course
don’t mean to imply that anyone should Instructor. You may visit The Gun
ever break ANY of these four rules at Doctor website for more information at:
http://www.wolfgangthegundoctor.com/
VERNONIA
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