The amplifier., January 01, 2010, Page 14, Image 14

"Avatar" glows only in graphics; other aspects disappoint
M ary W ood
After hearing about how
"life changing" and "mind
blowing" the movie "Avatar"
was, and that the official
budget was $237 million, I
went to the theater expecting
to be dazzled, but was very
disappointed. Of course, the
highly advertised graphics
were incredible, but that's
where the magic stops; the
story itself was less than
inspiring.
The film follows Jake Sully,
an ex-marine who has been
recruited to take his brothers
place on a mission to Pandora,
a far away moon inhabited by
blue people called the Na'vi.
To explore the planet, Jake
and others use avatars, fully
equipped Na'vi bodies made
from a mix of their DNA and
that of humans. The goal of
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the mission is to acquire a
substance called unobtanium
which is located in great supply
under the home site of a tribe
of Na'vis. After a particularly
traumatic fight with one of
Pandora's creatures, Jake
becomes lost in the forest and
encounters the tribe. He soon
becomes tom between his
loyalty to his new friends and
his duties to help obtain the
unobtainium.
While the film is by no
means unenjoyable to watch, it
is riddled with problems.
First of all, it's basically
"Pocahontas" in the future.
Jake and the group he's
working for are the equivalent
to John Smith and crew, and
the Na'vi are like Native
Americans. Instead of gold,
it's unobtainium. I was half
ready for them to burst out into
"Colors of the Wind."
Though they didn't sing,
what they did say was just as
bad. The dialogue was terrible,
sounding like it came from a
cheesy movie about teenagers,
or from a stupid battle. Some
of the gems included lines like,
"What the hell have you guys
been smoking?" and "It's not
over until I stop breathing!"
Another favorite of mine was
when the lead scientist on the
mission is shot, and her first
comment is, "This is going to
min my whole day!" Because
that's obviously what I'd be
thinking if I was shot.
My last complaint —and
perhaps I'm too picky—is that
the film assumes life on another
planet would exist exactly like
life on earth. The Na'vi are tall,
blue humans with tails. Their
faces are incredibly similar
in structure to humans, with
eyes, noses and mouths with
lips and teeth. The females
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Dear Ani and M aggie,
Teenage rom ances can
be so m elodram atic! There
is a boy that I am currently
interested in, and I think he
really likes me too. There's
only one com plication: he
currently lives over half
way around the world!
I know long distance
relationships are hard, and
know ing that nearly 90%
of these relationships fail
w ithin the first six m onths,
should I even bother
pursuing a relationship w ith
this boy?
Long D istance Lover
Dear Lover,
Take time to think about
how this relationship w ill
work. W ill either of you be
able to travel to see each
other? How often? If not,
from Earth, like horses and
birds. Maybe this was done to
make the world more relatable,
but it takes away from the film.
While I wouldn't tell
anyone not to go see "Avatar,"
I seriously question the hype.
Sure, the CGI is incredible and
very expensive, but it seems
like it was waste of time and
money when used for this
movie. I think if the same
technology were applied to a
quality film, it could actually be
the "life changing" experience
people are seeking.
McDonalds food unsurprisingly a let down
M ichael M c N inch ____________
The golden arches are
everywhere. They are
nearly synonym ous with a
certain aspect of Am erican
consum erism -fast food.
Specifically, they are usually
associated w ith the fat, uh,
fast food of McDonalds.
With the recent emergence
of a 'health craze'
and
m ovies like
"Supersize
M e", you
may think
that only
a crazed or starved
individual would eat at
M cDonalds. Unfortunately,
the food is alm ost always
as horrible as we are led to
believe.
The quality of the food
depends upon its age.
Newer is m ost likely better.
I had the good fortune
of eating there before the
ham burger patties had been
frozen for a month. The 'Big
and Tasty' that I ordered had
alm ost no m eat at all. Sure,
it had lettuce and something
that resembled tomatoes,
but those were piled on so
heavily that the tiny am ount
of actual ham burger was
smothered by the taste
of vegetables. If I were to
describe it in one word, the
burger w as limp.
I also found some fairly
suspicious looking onions
usm
are you w illing to keep up a
relationship that w ill mostly
consist of telephone and
online conversations? These
are all im portant things to
consider before you pursue
the relationship. However,
w hile many long distance
relationships dv fail, many
do not. The upside of a
long distance relationship
is that it w ill allow you
two to know each other
on a personal level when
many typical relationships
can often be focused on the
physical. If you really like
him and think you can make
the relationship meet both
of your em otional needs,
then there's no reason not to
give it a shot.
Ani and M aggie
Dear Ani and M aggie,
have curves in the same places
female humans do, and the
males are built similarly to
male humans. The Na'vi even
kiss as a romantic gesture.
Additionally, the animals on
Pandora look like slightly
mutated versions of animals
Earlier this year I had a
boyfriend that I really cared
about. But after he asked me
out, he told me he was not
ready for a girlfriend. I was
really hurt and tried to get
over him, but I still haven't.
How can I get over him
once and for all?
Can't Get Over Him
Dear Over Him,
Think about the situation.
Do you really w ant to be
rom antically involved w ith
a guy so im m ature and
indecisive that one minute
he says he w ants to date
you and the next he says
he's not ready? That's not
fair to you, or anyone else
he m ight pull the same
trick on. It can obviously be
difficult to move on from
a situation like this, but
order taken by the latter.
Another time, I ordered
the non-cone contained ice
cream, which they had in
their menu as ice cream in
a cup. W hen I received the
dairy product in question,
they had provided me with
a more literal translation of
their 'ice cream in a cup'. I
was given an ice cream cone,
dumped upsidedow n in a
drink cup. Unfortunate,
yes. Fun, no.
The prices also fall
under the general
Photo by Michael McNinch umbrella of 'services'.
These prices, being
only things that have a
administered by M cDonalds,
possible covert purpose.
are much like everything
The fries are one of the
else they provide: a thing of
products m ost varied in
variance. Due to the chain
quality that M cDonalds
nature of M cDonalds, the
produces. Occasionally, they
prices differ from store to
are decent, w ith minimal
store. However, the prices
salt and the absence of
are uniform ly cheap, ranging
any strange additives. I
from $1 for the sm aller items
received fries much like
to around $6 for the larger
this. However, on other
meals. Being fast food, that's
occasions, the fries I received w hat you'd expect.
were stale and oversalted.
It seems that eating
The service is also
at M cDonalds may be
extrem ely varied in quality.
compared to a really bad
Som etim es, the people who
game of Russian roulette.
take your order are happy,
In all seriousness, only one
nice people w ho know what
out of every six people
they're doing. On the other
really 'w in' at M cDonalds.
side of the spectrum, you
The quality of the food,
may be received by one of
w hile it is alm ost always
those hopelessly idiotic,
low, does occasionally rise.
soul crushing abominations
So, if you're feeling lucky,
against the laws of nature
attem pt to get a good meal
type people. I once had my
at M cDonalds.
when I partially dissected
my burger to remove the
pickles. I hate pickles.
Going back to the onions,
I w ouldn't have noticed
them if I didn't hate pickles.
It seems that these semi-
clandestine onions may
carry a sinister purpose.
More likely, they conceal the
meat's semi-acrid quality.
The m eat and its quality
are not the
Q
keeping in mind that you
deserve better can help. In
the m eantim e, try talking
w ith new people and seeing
if you can find someone
who w ill treat you the right
way and appreciate what
you have to offer.
Ani and M aggie
Dear Ani and M aggie,
My boyfriend very
recently stopped calling
me. I don't have many other
friends besides him, and it
made me very w orried. I
w ent over to his brother's
house (where he lived) and
found his cell phone, next
to his w allet and keys. This
isn't unusual, as he often
leaves them at the house
w hen he goes out. W hat
really w orried me was the
fact that his DnD dice set
and his magic deck were
there too, which he never
leaves behind. I have a
sneaking suspicion that he
has been kidnapped. But
by whom? Nobody has
a vendetta against him.
There's nobody that hates
me enough to go after him.
W here is he?
Lost W ithout Him
Dear Lost,
First, ask the brother
if he knows where your
boyfriend is. If not, call
the police im m ediately
and report him missing.
Be sure to give a detailed
description of him and
provide a photo if possible.
The sooner you let the
authorities know, the sooner
they can find the kidnapper!
Ani and M aggie